If Forever Comes (Take This Regret #2)(27)
Author: A.L. Jackson

“I went to the grocery store yesterday to make sure I had plenty of food for you. I picked up some chicken. I thought maybe we make some mashed potatoes and vegetables with it? How’s that sound?”

“That sounds yummy…but I did just have chicken yesterday.”

Wandering in behind her, I kind of laughed as I ruffled a playful hand through her hair while I passed by her. As if she wouldn’t eat chicken every day. I moved to the opposite side of the kitchen and leaned down to pull a large pot from the lower cupboard and set it on the stove.

“You did, huh? Did your help your mommy make dinner last night?”

“Nope! Me and Mommy had a barbecue at Kelsey’s house, and we had barbecue sauce on it, and I ate two whole pieces.”

Normally I would have chuckled at my daughter’s rambling. Not today.

I stilled as a slow sense of foreboding took hold, a shock of ice-cold awareness penetrating deep as it slithered down my spine. It spread out to freeze every cell in my body. With my eyes narrowed, I turned to look back in her direction. Lizzie was leaning over with her back to me, digging through the vegetables in the bottom crisper.

“You went to a barbecue at Kelsey’s house? With Mommy?” I clarified. The words came harsh, forced, because I was sure I wasn’t going to be able to stomach her answer.

Lizzie stood and, with her foot, she nudged the refrigerator door closed. Her entire face glowed as she spun around and danced her way over to me with a plastic bag stuffed with broccoli swinging from her hand.

“Oh, Daddy, we had so much fun. Mommy and I spent almost all day there. I got to play for so long, and I got to help put the sauce on the chicken. I was careful not to burn myself, just like you taught me.”

On its own accord, my head slowly began to shake, and I felt as if I was being led into a massacre, set up for the kill.

This was not happening. I refused to let this happen.

“Here you go,” Lizzie prodded at my side, looking up at me in confusion as she handed me the bag of broccoli, completely unaware that her words had cut me to the core.

For once, the child seemed oblivious to the turmoil she’d spun up in me.

“At whose house, Lizzie?” I asked.

Lizzie gave me a look that told me I was crazy. “I already told you, silly. At Kelsey’s house.”

“Which one of Kelsey’s houses?” My voice came out harsher than I intended it to.

Because I already knew.

Shit.

Distraught, I scrubbed my palm over my mouth and dragged it down my chin. It took everything I had not to shout, took everything inside me not to demand Lizzie give me a different answer than the one I already knew she was going to give. This had nothing to do with her, the unwitting messenger who stood there grinning up at me. No chance in hell would I take this out on her. No chance would I show her that the day she was going on and on about was enough to shred what was left of me.

“Oh…” She giggled as if my meaning had just dawned on her. “At her daddy’s house.”

That ass**le. I knew it. I f**king knew it.

I forced myself to stand still, because my control was slipping fast. Steadying myself, I pressed my palms onto the counter. The cool surface shocked into my heated hands. Anger pounded through my system, a raging storm that thundered through my veins, an onslaught of fear and outrage and the brutal sense of disappointment that tightly fisted my chest.

Dropping my head, I sucked in a breath and tried to swallow it down. It just lodged at the base of my throat.

I didn’t know if I was angrier with myself or with Elizabeth.

What I did know was I wasn’t going to let that ass**le anywhere near her. Who the f**k did he think he was? Taking advantage of Elizabeth when she was at her most vulnerable?

This wasn’t a f**king game.

This was my family.

I raked a shaky hand through my hair, then forced a fraudulent smile. The act was physically painful. “Why don’t you finish rinsing the broccoli and I’ll be right back to help you get it started, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block the images from invading my mind. I searched for my bearings before I started down the hall to my bedroom. Darkness swallowed me as I quietly clicked the door shut behind me. For a second, I stood there, just forcing the stagnant air in and out of my lungs, then I staggered the rest of the way into my bathroom. Blindly I fumbled for the light switch. Light flooded the space, and I blinked to orient myself. Not to the harsh glare shining from the lights above the mirror, but to the cruel reality that I might actually lose her.

I guess somewhere inside me, I’d held onto the belief that one day Elizabeth would open her eyes and really see me. That she’d see me the same way I saw her.

As the one she couldn’t live without.

Shit.

How could I have allowed this to happen?

I held myself up on the counter and dropped my head.

Realization crushed me.

Like Matthew had accused me of the other night, I was a fool.

The worst kind of fool.

After everything we’d been through together, I’d left Elizabeth when she needed me most. Left when life was the most difficult, because I didn’t know how to deal with the pain any more than she did. We’d been blindsided, our foundation ripped from beneath us, nothing there to catch us when we fell.

And when we’d fallen, we had completely fallen apart.

I’d been standing on the sidelines, waiting. Waiting when I should have been fighting.

I lifted my face to find my reflection staring back at me. My eyes swam with torment, swamped in a grief that felt unending and echoed the loneliness that was eating me from the inside out. It was destroying the last piece of me, my last bit of hope that somehow we’d make it out of this together.

But what was Elizabeth supposed to think when she woke without me morning after morning? What was she supposed to feel? Was she supposed to believe I loved her, that I’d stand by her side no matter what came our way, like I’d promised her I would?

Fuck.

I squeezed my hands into fists.

What had I done?

I felt a glimmer of Elizabeth’s touch, felt her mouth near my ear as she promised, I’m going to love you forever.

My chest tightened and my head spun.

The truth was, even though it was Elizabeth who’d forced me out, I’d walked away because it was too hard. Because life was hard and unfair. Because Elizabeth was hurting and she hurt me in return. Because I couldn’t stand to stay there and watch her suffer anymore. I realized now that seeing her that way had cut me so deeply, I didn’t know how to handle it.