Take This Regret (Take This Regret #1)(16)
Author: A.L. Jackson

It seemed like hours had passed as I swam in my misery, but the sky had barely dimmed with evening’s approach when my door opened and I was wrapped in the comfort of Matthew’s arms. He sat on the floor against my bed and pulled me onto his lap. He rocked me and shushed me as if I were his child, his hand running through my hair as he placed soft kisses against my head.

I leaned heavily against the table, staring into the lukewarm cup of coffee that sat untouched in front of me. Matthew and Natalie walked quietly into the kitchen.

“She’s asleep,” Matthew said just above a whisper. He released a heavy breath and ran his hand over his face.

Glancing up, I mouthed a watery, “Thank-you.” Natalie and Matthew took a seat at the table, eyeing me cautiously. “Are you doing okay, Liz?” Matthew asked sympathetical y, though with an undercurrent of fury I knew he was trying to hide from me.

Sniffling, I shook my head. I wasn’t doing okay. Never had I been more afraid. I’d worked so hard to build this life, to provide a safe, stable home for Lizzie, one fil ed with encouragement and love. I’d established a family that she could count on; people who would never choose to leave her but who would always choose to stay. And in one moment, Christian threatened to take it all away.

“What am I going to do?” I choked out, more tears pouring down my face as I voiced my fears. “I can’t let him hurt her.” I knew I had to protect my daughter from him. I just didn’t know how.

“Maybe he won’t, Liz. Maybe he real y just wants to see her,” Natalie offered, her tone hopeful, her words causing a loud cry to erupt from me.

Matthew widened his eyes at Natalie, and he tilted his head to the side as if to say you’re not helping things.

Natalie shrugged defensively. “What? I’m just saying what I saw. Now that I know who he is, I can understand the look on his face. It was as if he wanted to know her.” Her remark only made me cry harder.

Natalie grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, Liz. I didn’t mean to upset you, but what if he did change?” I accepted the tissue Matthew offered and blew my nose while shaking my head. I wasn’t upset with Natalie.

She didn’t know Christian as I did. I was sure Natalie was right on some account, that Christian did want to know Lizzie now. It was the day he became bored with her that concerned me.

Matthew reached across the table and covered Natalie’s and my hands in his. “Elizabeth, I think you should let him see her.” His expression was compassionate, and although I knew he would never mean me any harm, it felt like he’d slapped me across the face.

“What?” I jerked my hand away and shook my head, unable to comprehend how Matthew could even suggest something so unreasonable. I would do whatever it took to keep my daughter away from Christian.

Matthew reached for me again, appearing tortured.

“Look at me, Elizabeth.” His expression was intense, sincere as he looked across the table at me. He was hurting, every bit as much as I was. “I love Lizzie like my own, and I would do anything to protect her. You know that, right?”

Of course I did. I nodded.

“Then this may be the best way. Think about it. You don’t want that ass**le to take you to court.”

“I can’t believe they’d give him custody,” I said, wishing to sound confident. Instead, it came out more a question.

After what he’d done, how could they possibly grant him parental rights? Could they? More tears came.

“Liz . . .” Matthew paused, before looking at me with something akin to pity. “He’s an attorney, and you’re a bank tel er . . . ,” he trailed off. I knew he wasn’t criticizing me. He was stating a simple fact; Christian had resources, access to the best family attorneys, and knew every aspect of the law. I had a couple hundred dol ars and some change in my checking account.

“How can I stand by and watch my daughter get her heart broken by her own father when he leaves? I just . . .

can’t let that happen.” The thought was just too much. If I let Christian have his way, I’d be throwing Lizzie to the wolves.

Every part of me screamed to protect my daughter from the harm Christian would surely bring, though realistical y I knew what Matthew was saying was right. It would be much worse if Christian had legal rights. I couldn’t imagine him having any legal say in the upbringing of my daughter.

A soothing hand rested lightly on my back as Natalie said in a soft voice, “It’s going to be okay, Liz. We’l get through this.”

Matthew leaned farther across the table and smoothed the matted hair from my face. “She’s right, honey. We’l get through this, I promise. Whatever happens, we’l be here for Lizzie. She’l never be alone,” Matthew promised.

Through bleary eyes, I looked up at Matthew and Natalie. I took a tissue from the box and dabbed at my eyes, nodding as I sat up and took a deep breath to try to ease the dread I felt. I took some comfort in knowing that in the end, Matthew and Natalie would be there just as they always had. What I found no comfort in was the knowledge of what I needed to do next.

I rose, and Matthew and Natalie fol owed. Sadness hung in the air with the decision that we had made. I hugged them, first Natalie and then Matthew. Pul ing away, I held onto Matthew’s hand and smiled somberly.

“Thank-you.”

He returned the embrace, pursing his lips as he nodded once, his expression stressing his reassurance.

“We’re here, Liz . . . always.”

“You guys better go home. It’s getting late.” It was wel after midnight, and it had been a long, emotional y exhausting day.

“You sure?” Matthew asked. “We can stay if you need us.”

I shook my head. “No, I’l be fine.”

Matthew hesitated, glancing at Natalie, before he agreed. “Okay. We’l see you tomorrow.”

Fol owing them to the entryway, I hugged them each again, wishing them goodnight. Slowly, I shut the door behind them and locked it. The moment it was closed, I was gripped with emotions I wasn’t sure I had enough strength to deal with. It had all been too much. I turned and slid down the backside of the door. Grasping my head in my hands, I buried it between my knees, crying out into the still ness.

The pain coming from my mouth echoed through the house.

How could I just hand my daughter over to him? I knew exactly what he’d do, what game he played. He would make Lizzie fal in love with him, just as he had done to me, make her believe she meant everything to him. Then he would leave my child and take her heart with him. How could any mother make a decision to put her child in harm’s way? But I’d been left without a choice.