Take This Regret (Take This Regret #1)(29)
Author: A.L. Jackson

We fel in line at the ticket booth; the three of them still hand-in-hand while I kept a smal amount of space between us.

Christian stepped forward, next in line, passing a credit card through the window. “Three adults and one child.”

“Christian, no,” I said, snaking around him to give my debit card to the woman.

“Elizabeth.” His voice managed to hiss and plead at the same time. “Just let me pay. Please.” I shook my head in stubborn petulance. “I don’t want your money, Christian.”

Darkness clouded his expression, and he lowered his voice, inclining his head toward me. “I know, Elizabeth, you never have. You never even asked for what was yours.” Disarmed by the sadness I saw in his eyes, I found myself too shocked to resist any longer. I stepped back and self-consciously tucked my card back into my shorts pocket, terrified at how easily he’d just persuaded me.

Christian handed each of us a ticket. I accepted mine somewhat reluctantly, my attention directed to the ground as I muttered thanks under my breath, wishing not to owe him my gratitude. I glanced up to find him staring, his lips pursed, pensive. He opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it and jerked his attention away.

“You ready, sweetheart?” Christian’s reached for Lizzie, the fervor back in his voice, though it sounded somewhat forced.

“Yep!” Lizzie accepted his hand, skipping beside him as they bounded toward the gates.

Disinclination weighed down my feet, and I trudged along behind them, grunting at the man who accepted my ticket and wished me a good day.

That would be impossible.

I spent the morning as an intruder in their trinity, in the outskirts of their pleasure. Christian met each exhibit with unadulterated wonder, as a child in awe. I kept up my reluctant pursuit as they wandered through habitats, observed them as they marveled at sharks and dolphins and whales with sheer fascination. But their captivation with their surroundings paled in comparison to the enchantment they seemed to find with my little girl.

If it were possible, Christian had not once lost contact with Lizzie. Her hand was continual y in his, and when her feet grew tired, he didn’t hesitate to swing her onto his back. Lizzie kept an eye on me to assure that I was never far behind, her precious face urging me near. Christian cast glances my way, mindful, though he rarely lingered; his attention was focused on my daughter.

“Daddy, this is my very favorite!” Lizzie gushed as we approached the pools, and she rushed forward to stand on her tiptoes to dip her fingers into the water. Bat rays circled, and Lizzie stroked their backs as they floated by.

Christian leaned over the pool, his first touch tentative as he reached out, just grazing his fingertips along the edge of a smal ray’s wing. He looked at Lizzie and then at me, unable to contain the thril spil ing from his smile.

“This is incredible.” He shook his head just as mesmerized as Lizzie was as he sunk his hand into the water, this time running the palm of his hand down the center of the ray’s back.

“Aren’t they pretty, Daddy?” Lizzie asked, trailing her fingers lightly over the creatures soaring through the water.

Christian ran the back of his hand down her cheek and under her chin, his expression tender. “Beautiful,” he said, clearly speaking only of Lizzie.

I had to turn away, away from what I saw but refused to believe—away from what I’d seen every time he’d been with her.

He couldn’t love her. He just couldn’t. She was just a distraction; that’s all . This, whatever it was, was unsustainable, fleeting. I had to hold fast to that belief.

Anything else would render us weak, vulnerable, and I couldn’t afford to leave myself without adequate defenses.

In my discomfort, the morning passed slowly. Each minute dragged in measure with my feet. The four of us ate lunch at a table that was much too smal . Extreme effort was lunch at a table that was much too smal . Extreme effort was spent focusing on my food and not the constant jokes Christian made, Lizzie’s laughter infectious as she giggled over the sil iness exuded by her father. He was playful, unabashedly so, making no excuses for the ridiculous faces he made, his only concern to garner a reaction from Lizzie.

He looked so much like the man I once thought him to be.

A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, one I refused to release. I bit my lip, cursing Christian’s ability to wear me down, asking myself, more importantly, why I was all owing him to do it.

Relief swept over me when he final y stood to gather our garbage, piled it on a tray, and walked across the eatery to dispose of it, thankful for the moment’s respite from his presence.

Christian returned seconds later, brushing off his hands as he asked, “Where to next, Lizzie?” Lizzie clambered down from her chair, bouncing. “Can we go play in the water now?”

Five minutes later, we approached the play area.

Christian and Lizzie had run up ahead while Claire and I trailed behind in silence. Lizzie glanced back, her impatient grin urging us to catch up.

“You wanna play, Momma?” she sang out once we were in earshot.

Never once had I passed up an opportunity to play with my daughter, but in this setting, I couldn’t imagine myself romping around alongside Christian. It was just too intimate.

“Um, I think I’m just going to watch you this time, Lizzie.

You go on ahead.” Disappointment flashed across her face, and I dropped to a knee in front of her, running an affectionate hand down her arm. “I’l be sitting right there, watching you the whole time. Okay, sweetheart?” I pointed at a bench under the shade of a tree and forced myself to smile.

She glanced behind her, nodding when she turned back to me. “Okay, Momma.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when she agreed. As much as I didn’t want to let my daughter down, I was desperate for a few moments to myself to clear my head. I kissed her on the forehead before retreating to the welcomed seclusion of the empty bench.

The solitude didn’t last long.

“She’s a wonderful child,” Claire said as she sat down beside me. “You’ve done such an amazing job with her.” I cast a sidelong glance. She looked ahead, watching Christian and Lizzie frolicking in the short bursts of water shooting up from the ground. I nodded, unsure of how to respond, or if I even wanted to respond. Six hours ago, I’d thought Claire Davison to be coldhearted and void of emotion; but now, I could only see her as kind and gentle, and I still wasn’t sure how to handle that.