Take This Regret (Take This Regret #1)(9)
Author: A.L. Jackson

Arriving at the bank five minutes before nine, I drove around to the back and parked in the same spot I did every day. My aspirations of becoming an attorney had long since been forgotten. Finishing my bachelor’s had been nearly impossible, taking me more than two years of night school to finish my last year. Three grueling years of law school were not something I could entertain.

I wasn’t wil ing to sacrifice the time with my baby girl.

Lizzie was my world.

My pregnancy had been incredibly difficult. The blow Christian had inflicted had affected me both emotional y and physical y. That first night had been one of the most terrifying of my life. Every coherent thought I could form as I came in and out of consciousness focused on the possibility that I might lose my baby. It was a possibility I was sure I would not survive. My heart had been left in tatters, mangled. The love I had for the child was the last string holding me together. I could feel my body trying to reject the pregnancy while my heart and mind warred to keep it.

I’d remained hospitalized for three days before my body final y conceded to the growing child within me, but at that time, I had no idea of the fight ahead of me. I’d been il the entire time, my body never ful y giving in to the normal phases of pregnancy. While my doctor told me morning sickness tended to last through the first twelve weeks, I’d vomited every morning until the day Lizzie came. I’d had to withdraw from classes and put my academic career on hold while I sat at home and nursed myself through those nine, miserable months.

But I couldn’t complain. I had accepted it was a smal price to pay to keep my child.

I’d been in love with my baby since the moment I’d learned I was pregnant, but that love couldn’t prepare me for what I felt the first time I held Lizzie in my arms.

There were no words to describe the love and the devotion that flooded me as my baby girl was placed against my stomach, her shril cries rattling through the delivery room. As I had reached out and ran my fingers through the shock of black hair on my daughter’s head, Lizzie had immediately calmed. With that caress, I found the purpose for my life.

Releasing a heavy breath, I leaned my forehead onto the steering wheel, trying to clear my mind of the conflicting emotions swirling through me. The contrast of love I had for my daughter and disdain for Christian made my head spin, knowing without Christian there would be no Lizzie. I couldn’t even begin to regret a relationship that had brought my child into the world. I could only regret the way it had ended.

I ran my hand through the front of my hair and pushed my long, blond bangs from my face before reluctantly stepping from my car. I stood on the pavement and straightened my white blouse and black slacks, bolstering myself for another day of insignificance.

It wasn’t that I particularly disliked my job. I was thankful for it. It was just hard to spend the long days of unfulfil ing monotony away from my daughter.

Clicking the button on my key, my red, four-door Honda Civic chirped, assuring it was secure for the day. After being hired at the bank a little more than a year before, I’d bought the car and my house, both used and a little worn, but mine nonetheless. It was something I had worked so hard for, a house in a safe neighborhood with a backyard for my daughter to play in, and it was an accomplishment of which I couldn’t help but feel proud.

I walked through the doors, immediately greeted by Selina, one of the other tel ers. “Morning, Elizabeth,” she said, ever cheerful.

“Good morning.” I smiled back at the young woman, who was barely more than a girl, her dark brown hair pulled back in a stylish ponytail and her makeup done to perfection around her dark chocolate eyes. Selina had an aura about her, an unmistakable zest that drew me in. I supposed it was a subconscious connection to the girl I used to be.

I took my spot two windows from Selina and plastered an over-friendly smile on my face. I spent the day fielding the constant influx of customers, focusing only on the simple tasks in front of me and the ticking clock, and counting the hours until I was back with my Lizzie.

As soon as the clock hit five, I was on my feet and heading out the door, anxious to make it home before Lizzie and my cousin Natalie.

Flipping open my phone, I read a text from Natalie that said she was going to the grocery store and would be home by five thirty.

I freed a long sigh of appreciation as I buckled myself into the seat of my car. Natalie was a lifesaver. I honestly didn’t know what I would do without her and Matthew.

Next to Lizzie, they were the two most important people in my life.

Matthew had been the one person I could rely on while I was il with my pregnancy. From the moment I woke up in the hospital to the moment I gave birth, he had been there. I almost felt embarrassed to remember that we’d once been lovers, though it was a relationship that was never meant to be.

It wasn’t that either of us found the other unattractive. It was just that Matthew had felt no spark in our touch, and my heart still belonged to the one who had destroyed it.

When we’d moved to San Diego when Lizzie was five months old to be close to my mom and the rest of my family, I’d known the precarious relationship Matthew and I shared couldn’t last. I’d just had no idea it would end so soon.

It was here he met Natalie.

When they’d eloped to Las Vegas seven months later, my family, especial y my mother, had been so angry with them and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t. What they didn’t understand was how much Matthew had already sacrificed for me, for Lizzie, and there was no chance I’d stand in the way of his happiness.

At the time, Natalie had just turned eighteen, but it didn’t take long for me to see the real connection they had.

Natalie may have been young and naïve, but it didn’t minimize the love she felt for Matthew. And Matthew—he adored her.

The four of us had become a sort of pseudo-family, but a family nonetheless. The couple lived less than five minutes from Lizzie and me, partaking in the daily care of the little girl as if she were their own. I knew Matthew and Natalie loved the role they served in our lives, though I couldn’t help but feel indebted to them.

Who wouldn’t?

It was selflessness in its purest form.

Just before five thirty, I pulled into the garage of my smal two-story house, the white paint fresh and lawn trimmed from the countless hours of effort Matthew had put into its care. The moment we’d pulled up in front with the realtor, I’d known that this cozy house would become our home. I’d immediately fal en in love with the flowering myrtle trees flanking each side and the two citrus trees out back. I gathered my things, and just as I stepped from the car, Natalie pulled up in her smal white sedan and parked on the street.