Take This Regret (Take This Regret #1)(73)
Author: A.L. Jackson

My heart stuttered with her confession, both heartbroken and overjoyed. For so long, I’d wanted to hear those words fal from her lips. I’d just had no idea that in those words there would be so much sadness, that they those words there would be so much sadness, that they would be tainted by years of her sorrow, and that my own thril in final y hearing her say them aloud would be tarnished by the immense amount of resentment over what she had done.

She opened her eyes still heavy with tears, and she angled toward me. Her expression was altogether intense and scared but, for the first time, was completely laid bare.

There was nothing left for either of us to hide. Her mouth and hands shook as she continued. “What happened on my birthday . . . I wanted it . . . I wanted you. But when I woke up next to you, I panicked. Everything I’d gone through after you left me the first time came rushing back. The way it happened . . . the fact that we’d been drinking. It made me feel cheap . . . dirty, and all I could think was that you’d leave me again. Even when I knew that morning you weren’t lying when you said you loved me.” Her voice cracked and she paused.

“I knew I was wrong the entire week, Christian . . . the whole week. I watched our little girl fade away while I clung to my fears and insecurities and tried to convince myself I was doing it for her. What I put Lizzie through this week . . .”—Elizabeth closed her eyes as if she were protecting herself from the memory—“. . . I pushed my own child away when she needed me most, and I don’t know if I’l ever be able to forgive myself for it, but I can promise that it wil never happen again. She’s my life, and I’l never again let my issues get in the way of my responsibility to her . . . my love for her. But I’m tired of running, Christian . . . tired of running from the only man I’ve ever wanted. If you can somehow forgive me . . .”—she wet her rose-colored lips —“. . . I want to find a way to forgive you . . . I want to let you love me and not be afraid when you do.”

Maybe now I real y understood why Elizabeth had run from me all of these months, why she would never all ow herself to believe. A love as intense as the one we shared, one that had not dimmed through years of betrayal but had only grown, was terrifying. We had the power to destroy, to devastate and ruin, to lay the other to waste.

But I wasn’t running.

I reached for her hand and pulled her to my chest. With the connection, the silent tears she’d cried all evening erupted. She clung to me just as tightly as Lizzie had and wept just as hard. She whispered muddled pleas into my shirt while I ran my hands through her hair. “Don’t leave me, Christian . . . please don’t ever leave me.” I shushed her, kissed her on top of her head. “I’m not going anywhere, Elizabeth.”

I laid us down on the couch on our sides, held her close, and let her cry. Her body quaked as she sucked in shuddering breaths and buried her face in my chest. I cradled the girl I had broken, ran my hand up and down her back, and through her hair. She curled up closer, molded herself to me, and I held her tighter. On the cusp of sleep, she whispered, “Don’t ever let me go.”

I tugged the throw from the back of the couch, draped it over our bodies, and drew her closer still. “Never.”

I’d known when I’d woken up the next morning with Elizabeth still wrapped in my arms that things were different. She didn’t push me away when I hugged her and murmured good morning against her forehead. Instead, she had pressed her lips to my chest and looked up at me with a smal , timid smile.

It was then I knew we were going to make it.

That was the last night I’d slept at my condo. I’d spent the rest sleeping on Elizabeth’s couch.

Over the last five weeks, Elizabeth and I had spent every second we could together. I met her every day for lunch, and we actual y talked. There was no skirting or softening, just honesty—even when it hurt. In the beginning, there were constant tears and a lot of anger. But she final y opened up and told me how devastated she had been when I’d abandoned her, everything she’d gone through, and how badly she had needed me. While it crushed me to hear it, I welcomed it because I knew we could never truly move on until we actual y faced our past. As the weeks went on, those tears began to dry as a firm future came into view—our future.

We spent our evenings together as a family, mom and dad and daughter. As much as we laughed and played, we devoted a lot of time talking with Lizzie, giving her reassurances and straight answers for what we had done, for the ordeal we had put her through. Even then, we had started taking her to a counselor once a week to help us weed out the seed of abandonment that had been planted, just as Elizabeth and I had started to see a counselor as a couple.

We were doing everything we could to make this work.

The nights—the nights were perfect and entirely tortuous. We spent hours on Elizabeth’s couch making out like teenagers with tangled tongues and wandering hands.

When she’d final y groan and rol off me, I’d chase her upstairs and kiss her senseless against the wal outside her bedroom door. Weak-kneed, she’d careen into her bedroom, giggling and mumbling under her breath something about me being dangerous.

When I’d curl up each night on her worn couch with my senses overwhelmed by Elizabeth, my body throbbing and craving more, I couldn’t imagine feeling more satisfied.

Movement from upstairs caught my attention, and I looked up. “Okay, we’re out of here.” Natalie held Lizzie’s hand as they descended the stairs, Matthew fol owing close behind. Lizzie had her backpack on her shoulders, her dol tucked under her arm, and the sweetest grin on her face. I went to her, knelt in front of her, and touched her sweet cheek. “Mommy and Daddy wil be at Aunt Natalie’s and Uncle Matthew’s first thing in the morning to pick you up, okay?”

She nodded, and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“I know, Daddy. I’m so excited! I can’t wait!” I smiled down at her. “I can’t wait, either. I love you, princess” I brushed my lips across her forehead and stood.

Natalie popped up on her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around my neck, and whispered against my ear, “I’m so happy for you guys . . . I love you all . . . you know?” She stepped back, looked up at me as if to see if I understood.

I squeezed her hand. “I love you too, Nat.” Lizzie grinned and swayed from where she waited at our sides.

Matthew shook my hand, his words a touch pensive.