Take This Regret (Take This Regret #1)(22)
Author: A.L. Jackson

My princess.

“Thank-you, Momma.” Her voice was soft and fil ed with appreciation and love as she looked at me. She was the most amazing child.

I hugged her tightly before sitting back and holding her smal hands in mine. “You are so welcome, sweetheart.

Happy birthday.” I wasn’t surprised to find tears in my eyes.

I was feeling very emotional, both saddened and joyed that my baby girl was turning five, not to mention the intense strain Christian had placed in my life. Lizzie reached out, catching a tear with her finger.

“Don’t be sad, Mommy.”

I shook my head, vehement. “No, baby. These are happy tears.” She’d seen me cry so much lately, and I refused to all ow another emotional breakdown to affect her day.

“Come on. Let’s go see your surprise.” I stood, holding my hand out to her. She took it, my assurance enough to erase the concern I had caused in her. Her feet were anxious as she dragged me down the stairs.

Lizzie froze the moment she stepped outside, her face alight in awe. “Oh, Momma,” she whispered as she slowly took in our smal backyard that had been transformed into her kingdom for the day. Matthew had rented a huge white tent that covered the entire yard from the end of the patio to the wal , the kind normal y reserved for weddings. Hundreds of pink bal oons hung from it, covering the entire underside.

Silver streamers curled out from them, glinting and shining in the afternoon sun. Natalie and my little sister, Carrie, had painted a mural they’d attached along the back wal with a scene depicting a white castle surrounded by rol ing green hil s scattered with white unicorns. A few tables sat under the patio, covered in pink tablecloths, each centered with a different fairy tale princess surrounded by fresh-cut flowers.

My older sister, Sarah, had volunteered to make a cake, and the huge 3-D princess cake sat proudly on a table that was pushed up against the wal .

Her face glowed. “Thank-you, Mommy.” She looked up at me from where she stood at my side, her hand still firmly in mine.

I gestured with my head to the rest of our family who had gathered in front of us, each of them eagerly awaiting her reaction. “It wasn’t just me, Lizzie. They did this for you.” Never would I have been able to do this without them. They were so good to my daughter, so good to me, and I loved them more than the world.

Lizzie shot forward, hugging and kissing each of them, giggling and blushing as everyone claimed that she was the most beautiful princess they’d ever seen. I gazed upon my family, silently thanking them for everything they’d done.

Their eyes swam with affection, holding the promise that they wanted it no other way.

They’d never viewed us a burden, even though sometimes I felt that way.

Lizzie’s eyes grew wide in excitement with the sound of the doorbel , while mine grew wide with alarm.

“It’s party time!” Natalie sang, swooping in to take Lizzie into her arms and spinning her in an exaggerated dance as they disappeared into the house to answer the door.

Nervously, I ran my hand over my face and through my hair in a vain attempt to calm myself.

Sarah appeared at my side, nudging my shoulder.

“Relax.”

I suppressed a snort.

How could I relax when I had to welcome Christian into my home, the one who had wounded me deeper than anyone, the one who haunted my days and held me in my dreams?

Impossible.

The worst part of it all was, somewhere deep inside me, I knew that all owing him here today was official y inviting him into our lives.

Chapter 07

Anticipation stirred, pushing me forward.

Yeah, I was nervous and unable to imagine how an afternoon spent with Elizabeth’s family could turn out pleasant, but I didn’t care. Seeing my daughter again, sharing her birthday with her were the only things that mattered.

Last Saturday had been the most important day of my life—wonderful, perfect, and entirely horrifying—but the most important. Standing in the middle of the McDonald’s parking lot and watching the tail ights of Elizabeth’s car disappear, I’d been hit with so many emotions, and I couldn’t discern them all . For the first time I real y understood what I’d missed. I hadn’t been there when my child was born, had no idea what she looked like as a baby, hadn’t witnessed her first steps, her first words. I’d missed birthdays and holidays, years of love, and certainly plenty of heartache. I missed Elizabeth.

God, I missed Elizabeth.

Sleep eluded me that night as I dealt with the anger; all of it directed at me. Lizzie had undone me that day, and once she’d loosed the regret that I’d kept bottled inside for years, I could not hold it back any longer. My soul mourned for what it had lost, for every day I had lived without them, for every moment wasted, for time that could not be reclaimed. I’d buried my face in my pil ow as I thought of Elizabeth and the pain I had caused her and what she must have felt.

Shame.

I’d felt it before, but that night it devoured me. By the time the sun broke through the night, I’d accepted that I could never do anything to erase those mistakes. They had marred our lives, sending them on a course they never should have gone. The only power I had was in today, and I was determined to live every day for Lizzie and Elizabeth.

Even if Elizabeth never forgave me, I would live for her.

That didn’t mean I’d forgotten what my mother had told me. Elizabeth needed time to deal with my return, time to figure out where I would fit into their lives.

I started by asking for seven fifteen.

When I call ed at seven fifteen on Sunday evening, Elizabeth had answered, sounding irritated, icy.

But at least she’d answered. I’d take what I could get.

I’d only offered a quick unreturned hi and asked if I I’d only offered a quick unreturned hi and asked if I could speak with Lizzie to ask her what she wanted for her birthday. As strong as the urge was to apologize again and try to talk to Elizabeth, I’d realized my words were never going to mean anything to her until I showed her I real y meant them.

Of course, I wanted to know what Lizzie wanted for her birthday, but it was real y just an excuse to call . The disquiet I’d felt the entire day in her absence was put to ease with the sound of her voice, giggling as she sang hi, Daddy into the phone, her words a warm embrace. When I’d call ed the next day at the same time, Elizabeth had seemed just as irritated but maybe less surprised. By the third night, Lizzie answered, squealing Daddy into the phone.

The amount of love that surged through me each time I heard her voice was shocking, more than I’d ever imagined possible.