Take This Regret (Take This Regret #1)(20)
Author: A.L. Jackson

She sat up straight as she shook her head in disbelief.

Oozing cynicism, she said, “You always manage to get your way, don’t you, Christian? I always knew you’d make the best lawyer. What was it you used to say? ‘Twist it until it fits?’ ”

“Elizabeth . . . ,” I pleaded. Manipulating her had never been my goal, but somehow I’d managed to do it without even realizing it. I should have made it clear then, when I’d seen the look on her face, but I’d been too injured by her parting words that it had never dawned on me what had spurred them. “I’m sorry.”

“You say that a lot.”

I shifted uncomfortably, muttering as I stumbled over my remorse. “I have a lot to be sorry for.” The hardness on her face faltered, her eyes washed in sadness, before the wal s were back in place. But in that fleeting moment of vulnerability, I saw it, the light that had been Elizabeth, and it gave me hope.

Elizabeth jerked as she heard Mommy call ed from somewhere above. Daddy fol owed quickly after. I looked up to find Lizzie waving wildly from a clear plastic orb that nearly touched the high ceiling. Irrational fear gripped me when I saw her. Logical y, I knew these playgrounds were made for children, designed for their safety, but I couldn’t help the chill that shot down my spine. My eyes darted to Elizabeth who waved with just as much excitement at Lizzie. I turned back, waving too, though clearly without the enthusiasm the two of them shared.

“Isn’t she a little smal to be up there by herself? It seems a little . . . high.”

Elizabeth continued to wave as she spoke through her obviously forced smile, “It’s terrifying being a parent, isn’t it?” For the first time, her voice lacked its biting edge, and it felt like her assertion was more for herself than for me.

Gazing up at Lizzie, I could do nothing but agree.

“Terrifying.”

In silence, Elizabeth and I continued to watch Lizzie, each of us turned to sit sideways at the end of the booth.

The question had been burning in my mouth the entire time we’d been here, and I final y found myself bold enough to ask it before I no longer had the chance. “So, you and Matthew aren’t?” The pregnant pause supplied the rest.

Elizabeth jerked her head toward me, clearly shocked by my question. “What? No.” Her nose wrinkled in the way it always had when she seemed genuinely confused by something. “What . . . how did you?” Her brow creased as she looked at me, puzzled.

“I just—”

She stopped me when the shock seemed to wear off.

“You know what? What I do with my personal life is none of your business.” Shaking her head, she pushed her bangs aggressively from her face before turning her attention back to Lizzie.

Right. None of my business. Frustrated, I leaned on my elbows digging them into my knees and raked my hands over the back of my head while I stared at my shoes.

A now-familiar warmth spread through me, and I looked up, coming face-to-face with a very excited little girl.

“Did you see me up there, Daddy?” She pointed proudly at the clear bal . “I was so high!”

“Yes, sweetheart, I did see you. You’re such a big girl.” I left out the part where she had nearly given me a heart attack.

Elizabeth began to clear the trash from the table, piling their empty cartons and wraps on a tray, and I knew the most important day of my life was coming to an end.

God, I didn’t want it to end.

With great reluctance, I stood and began to clean up my area.

Was this it? The last I would be all owed to see of my baby girl?

I choked on the pain elicited by that thought, my head pounding and stomach turning as every cel of my body protested.

“Come on, Daddy.” Lizzie tugged on my hand that was suddenly in hers.

Shaken into motion, I numbly fol owed, hating each step that brought me closer to the end. Elizabeth walked with purpose ahead of us as if she had final y found her escape. Faster than my mind could process, we were standing beside their car, my hand firmly gripping Lizzie’s. I was terrified to let it go.

Lizzie, don’t let me go.

“Daddy, are you coming to my birthday party next Saturday?” I was pulled from my inner discourse by her shocking question; it formed as if she had heard my shocking question; it formed as if she had heard my thoughts.

I cast a sidelong glance at Elizabeth, trying to gauge her reaction. She tensed before she final y spoke, the words control ed as she tried to hide the obvious tenor of irritation in her voice. “I’m sure he already has plans, Lizzie.”

I shook my head rapidly. “No plans.” Unless she wanted to consider me sitting on the couch, flipping mindlessly through television channels, plans.

Elizabeth huffed with indignation and turned away as she seemed to war with something within herself. Final y, she turned back to us and raised her chin as she said,

“Three o’clock. My house.” They were not just words. They were a warning that I heard loud and clear. Don’t mess this up.

Swept in relief, I released the heavy breath I’d been holding and promised, “I’l be there.”

The look Elizabeth gave me told me, You’d better be.

Lizzie squealed beside me, “Yay!” Then she threw herself into my arms, catching me off guard. I lifted her almost awkwardly, never having held a child, before hugging her to me, holding her tight enough to feel her heart beating wildly against mine. She squeezed her arms around my neck and buried her face in my chest. I breathed in the moment, memorizing everything.

Then against my ear, she whispered, “I love you, Daddy.”

I gasped and hugged her even closer, as I love you poured from my mouth. My eyes burned with emotion, so much so fast, overwhelming. Tears slipped away before I understood what was happening.

For the first time since I was a smal boy, I was crying.

Opening my eyes to find Elizabeth staring at me, I mouthed a soundless thank-you. Whether she understood it or not, she had just given me back my heart. She held my regard for an instant before dropping her attention to the ground. My heart ached as I set Lizzie back on the ground, wishing to hold her forever, but pacified in knowing I would see her soon. She climbed into the booster seat and strapped herself in. Leaning in, I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Goodbye, precious girl.”

She grinned up at me, scrunching her nose in the cutest way. “Bye, Daddy.”

Shutting the door was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done.

Elizabeth shuffled her feet in discomfort, her arms wrapped protectively against herself.