Pulled(26)
Author: A.L. Jackson

His voice was muted. “I just left Eva. Nothing has changed since this afternoon.”

I nodded, both thankful and discouraged at the news. At least she was no worse.

A few seconds passed. The room was quiet except for the sound of the ventilator.

“Eva?” Steve whispered.

My heart broke as her name came from his lips, his heartache unbearable.

“Yeah, your granddaughter’s name is Eva.

Melanie and I picked it yesterday.” I hoped giving him this information wouldn’t remind him of where Melanie had been, but rather help him focus on the fact that he had a granddaughter. I wanted him to talk to me, to ask me about Eva. Instead, he stood and strode from the room.

Dad left for the night, and I tried to settle in, falling into fitful bouts of sleep that didn’t last for more than a few minutes at a time. Nothing changed, though I woke often just to make sure Melanie was okay, to feel her skin under mine. Then my eyes would flutter closed once again for a few moments.

My eyes fought against rays of sunlight coming in through the window. I must have fallen asleep. The last time I looked at the clock it was three in the morning. I heard hushed voices in the background; I could discern one was Mom, the other familiar, but unidentifiable. They were quiet, but not friendly.

“For six months? How could you?” The voice was filled with venom.

“What else was I supposed to do, Peggy? She didn’t feel she could come to you. Maybe if you focused a little bit more on your daughter, you would have realized what was going on. She needed you! Instead, she had to come to me. I didn’t mind of course, I love her like my own, but she needed her mother!”

Mom was upset. I don’t think I’d ever heard her harsher with anyone in my life. Shifting in my chair, I rubbed my face to get rid my fatigue before I stood and walked to them.

“Mom, it’s okay.” This wasn’t a battle she needed to fight; if Melanie’s mom had a problem, she needed to take it up with me. Mom had only done what was right.

“Peggy,” I started to speak to her, but she held up her hand.

“Don’t give me any excuses, Daniel. This is alllyour fault. I can’t even stand to look at you. You make me sick.” She shook her head, turned, and walked to Melanie, shutting us out. I wanted to resent her for her words, but how could I? I already knew I was to blame.

“I’m going to see Eva. Call me if anything changes, okay?” It was the right time to go. Peggy needed time alone with Melanie, and I needed to see my daughter.

I hurried to the NICU, checked in, and washed, this time not hesitating as I went to her. She looked the same as she had the day before, yet somehow, I loved her more.

They let me hold her for a short time again, stating that it was good for her to feel me, but she also needed the warmth of her incubator. It was so frustrating. I wanted to hold her all day, but I also wanted what was best for her.

That’s how I spent the next day and night—

dividing my time between my girls. I felt like the go between until the three of us could be together. It was as if I were carrying a piece of one to the other, making them whole, as if we were part of the same soul.

Just as I did the night before, I slept in Melanie’s room. Mom woke me with breakfast she had picked up from the diner near the hotel.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” She kissed me on the head, her smile soft, but her body weary. “Did you sleep okay?”

I shrugged. How well could you sleep in an uncomfortable chair in a hospital room? But I wasn’t going to complain. I was the one who had gotten off easy.

Mom pursed her lips as she pulled my food from the bag, setting it before me. She looked as worried and exhausted as I felt.

“Thanks, Mom. This is great.”

She ruffled a hand through my hair. “Anything for my baby boy.” My mom really was an angel; there wasn’t anyone better than she was.

“So, I’m going to go down to check on Eva. Why don’t you finish your breakfast and then meet us down there? Your dad took Peggy and Steve over to meet her, so you might want to give them a few minutes.” Mom’s voice was filled with compassion.

“Yeah, I’ll head down in half an hour or so.” I hoped that meeting Eva would help Steve and Peggy soften their hearts.

I ate as I talked to Melanie, knowing she could feel my presence. I finished, and sat by her for a few minutes, letting her know how much I loved her.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to see Eva.” I kissed her head, and I could feel her pulse quicken.

“I love you too, Mel.” I smiled. Finally, I felt like everything was going to be okay, that we were going to make it.

I ran downstairs, now familiar with the routine. I jogged down the hall and to the elevator. I rushed past the newborns and turned into the hallway leading to the NICU, stumbling over my feet when I turned the corner. Mom clutched Dad, sobbing as he held her up, her legs slack beneath her.

My eyes scanned, finding Peggy in a similar position against Steve.

My heart stopped. No. Oh, my God. No.

My feet that were frozen seconds before broke flat out into a run. Racing the rest of the way down the hall, I passed my parents and gripped the handle to swing the door open.

I had to get to her. Something was wrong!

Two strong hands pulled against my shoulders, holding me back.

“Daniel, stop.” Dad’s voice cracked. His hands slid from my shoulders to wrap around my waist, dragging me back. “Daniel,” he grunted through his tears. “Look at me.” I struggled against him. I had to see her.

“No, Dad! Let me go!” I screamed at him, but he wouldn’t release me.

He couldn’t keep me from her.

“Daniel, please,” he choked, his words like poison as they came from his mouth. “She’s gone. It was just too soon.”

“No.” I shook my head. “No!”

“Daniel, it’s too late.” Hands restrained me, but my body pushed forward.

“No! Please. Save her. You have to save her!” I begged. I wouldn’t accept it. “No!” If I said it enough, I could make it true. She couldn’t be gone. I just saw her.

“God, no. Please!” Why weren’t they fighting for her? Why were they all standing here doing nothing?

“It’s too late,” Dad said the words again, their sharp finality ringing in my ears, his arms wrapping around me tighter. They were no longer trying to fight me, but trying to provide me some form of comfort.

“It’s too late.” His repeated words, now soft, crushed me, bringing me to my knees.