Pulled(54)
Author: A.L. Jackson

“You have no idea how much I missed you.”

“I think I do.” She shifted, pulling herself up to recline on a pil ow against the headboard and tucking the sheet under her arm as she turned to face me. I mirrored her, trying to relax through the sudden unease that filled the room. It was apparent our quiet time had come to an end.

We had to discuss issues I’d rather have locked in a closet and never thought of again.

She took my hand, holding it between us. “How did this happen to us?”

I shook my head, exasperated by the fact that we would probably spend forever asking the same question and never find an answer. “I have no clue, Melanie.” I pulled her closer, hating the distance. “How could you believe I would choose Stephanie over you or anyone, for that matter? Had I ever shown anything less than commitment to you?”

She grimaced, her body stiffening. “I was eighteen and heartbroken, Daniel. I didn’t know to deal with everything that had happened. In one moment, it seemed like I’d lost everything—Eva, my ability to have children. I was depressed and insecure. In that frame of mind it was easy to believe you’d been stolen from me, too.” She sighed and closed her eyes, before opening them to me, contrite and guilt-ridden. “I never should have doubted your devotion to me. Deep inside, I always knew you wanted me, but those thoughts just kept creeping up on me. I felt I wasn’t good enough for you anymore and that you deserved more.”

I closed my eyes, realizing everything she’d sacrificed because she thought it was what I wanted. I hooked my index finger under her chin, pulling her beautiful distraught face back to mine. “Melanie, there’s no such thing as family without you.”

I wiped her tears as they flowed down her face.

Her head shook against my palm, her hair hanging over her shoulder and brushing across the sheet.

“You said you kept having those thoughts. When?

What made you think that?”

Her voice was smal , hesitant, but necessary if we were going to deal with it and put it behind us. “When you told me in the hospital that I couldn’t have more children, it was the first thing I thought.”

I sat astounded; mortified that as this broken girl lay in the hospital, she had been concerned about me. “And then, when you never cal ed,” her voice started to shake as she fought through the words, “I began to worry it might be the way you really felt.”

I clutched her to me, whispering reassurances as I ran my fingers through her hair. “Baby, I wanted to callyou every day, every second. You were all I ever thought of. I should have, I know. I was so stupid, but you told me not to and…,” I said, my voice trailing off. If I had dialed once in the thousand times I’d picked up the phone, none of this would have ever happened.

“And what, Daniel?” she pressed, not letting it go.

“And I blamed myself,” I admitted in defeat, knowing my guilt was probably the biggest factor in all of this. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair in an attempt to calm myself. “When you went back to Dal as, it ripped my heart out. I was devastated. I was convinced it was because you thought it was my fault and needed to get away from me. When you didn’t cal me in all that time, some part of me started to believe you couldn’t forgive me.” She scrunched her brow, shaking her head.

I looked at her, incredulous. “What did you expect me to believe, Melanie? One minute you’re moving in with my parents, and the next you’re leaving me, tel ing me not to contact you. I just assumed you’d finally realized the truth, that it was all my fault.”

Her soft hands firmly cupped my face. “Daniel, never, not for one day, did I ever blame you.”

“I know, Melanie. I’m just trying to make you understand what I felt then. Honestly, it’s what I felt up until three weeks ago when Erin finally told me your parents forced you to leave.”

Melanie grimaced. “She told you?”

I nodded as I ran my fingertips over cheek. “You should have told me.”

“I was just trying to protect you,” she whispered urgently.

“I know, but it was wrong to hide it from me.”

“I’m so sorry, Daniel. I needed you so badly.” She began to quietly sob, her arms tightening around my neck. I shushed her, whispering how badly I had needed her too, that I wasn’t angry, that neither of us was to blame. Maybe we’d both been too young and naive to handle the circumstances we’d found ourselves in. I breathed her in, thankful that in spite of the disaster we’d created, she was here in my arms.

She took a deep breath, her tears slowing. “I wish you’d known that you’d always been in my thoughts. Every night I’d pray that you could hear me.”

How had we spent these years apart feeling exactly the same? How had one of us not broken down and sought the other out?

“I do know. You invaded…everything. I was nothing without you. I managed to finish school and my residency, but I only did it for my parents and to have some kind of distraction from the pain. I wanted you every day. I stayed away thinking you had found some kind of happiness in your new life.” I grimaced, once again horrified by what my assumptions had caused.

A sound that would be impossible to recreate came from deep within Melanie’s throat, something akin to gagging just before vomiting. “I was anything but happy. I could never have been without you, but I still managed to end up in the most miserable place I could have possibly gone.” Eventually, I’d have to ask her how she gotten involved with an ass**le like Nicholas. I didn’t think I could stomach it at this point. We’d dealt with enough today without evoking the jealously that conversation was sure to bring. The thought of anyone else touching my girl had me nearly homicidal. Right now, I just wanted to let her know I’d never all ow her to experience that kind of pain again.

“It’s behind us now, baby,” I pulled back so I could smile down at her. “You won’t ever be alone again.” She nodded, eyes still glistening, but her demeanor was relaxed as we finally began to focus on what was to come. Her hands went back to tracing patterns on my arms and shoulder, each touch tender and filled with affection. “Do you remember when we promised each other whenever something bothered us we’d talk to each other about it?”

I nodded, the memory clear.

“We broke that promise.”

I breathed out slowly through my nose. “I know.” When we’d made it, I thought it would be such as simple promise to keep, a promise to trust and rely on each other. To me, Melanie and I already had that, and it should have been no problem. Yet we’d both let our insecurities negate that oath.