Pulled(49)
Author: A.L. Jackson

“Fuck!” I screamed, punching the steering wheel.

I screamed again as I rammed my head into it this time, trying to feel something other than the unbearable pain tearing through my chest. A horn blared behind me. I was stopped in the middle of the road, disoriented and unaware of anything around me.

Blindly, I pulled over to the side, curling in on myself, gasping through my tears. “Melanie, how could you? Please, God, no,” I begged. Vomit pooled in the back of my throat as images flooded my mind of Melanie touching another man. I pushed the door open and purged. Rain poured down on my head and everything spun. I felt like I was drowning.

She’d blamed me after all.

I couldn’t remember getting back to the airport, but somehow I found myself standing at the ticket counter, handing the woman my credit card. Her lips moved, but I heard nothing she said.

I didn’t feel the plane take off or land, only being jostled into action by the man next to me, gathering his things to depart.

My parents had called relentlessly over the last twenty-four hours. My phone constantly beeped, urging me to answer. I couldn’t deal with them right now. That meant acknowledging my Melanie was gone, and I was not ready to do that yet.

I drove home, dazed, but all too soon the emotions welled up within me, ready to burst.

“You have to get home before you lose it, Daniel.” I could make it. I just had to get home. Our home.

As I pulled into the driveway and stumbled out of my car, the first wave of grief overtook me. The tears flowed freely and a bitter laugh escaped my lips as I thought of her telling me this was the only home she’d ever know.

I grabbed the picture of us at my graduation from the shelf and threw it against the wall, shattered glass falling to the floor. “You f**king whore!” I screamed at her as my rage boiled over. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them, I knew they were a lie. I could never blame her. She was perfect.

And yet, she wasn’t.

I just didn’t understand how she could do this. I knew she loved me. I had always felt it and never questioned it. I tried to hold onto that knowledge; It was the only thing I’d ever have.

I picked up the broken frame and looked at my girl, her beautiful face filled with so much joy. I’d taken that all away from her.

I hadn’t slept the last two days, and I collapsed onto my bed. I pulled my pillow into me, seeking some form of comfort and imagining it was Melanie holding me.

In the other room, my phone alternated between buzzing and ringing, but I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed to answer it. The pain was too great.

I tried to will myself to die, to just fall asleep, and to never wake. Instead, I would drift off to a sleep filled with nightmares that should have destroyed me, waking to a reality I prayed would finally end me.

Had it been minutes or days? I couldn’t tell.

“What?” I mumbled to myself, lifting my head when the front door clicked. “Shit.” I hadn’t locked the front door when I had come home. I couldn’t deal with anyone right now. My parents would be worried, but I couldn’t face them.

My bedroom door opened, and Stephanie peeked through the crack, allowing a stream of light into the room.

“Daniel?” she called.

Damn it. Stephanie.

We were supposed to hang out a couple of days ago, and I had forgotten to let her know I was going to Dallas.

“Steph, just go. I can’t talk right now.” She hesitated.

“Please!” I croaked, my voice rough from crying.

I should have known Stephanie would never leave. She pushed the door open and climbed onto the bed. I turned away from her, but she was insistent, reaching out to rub my back.

“Daniel, you know I’m here for you. What’s going on? I mean, I’ve been worried sick about you. I left you at least ten messages.”

I couldn’t answer her questions. She ran her fingers through my hair.

I wasn’t facing her, but I’m sure she could feel my body tremble as I tried to hide that I was crying.

“Daniel, look at me.”

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to allow her to see me like this or not, but I gave in, turning around to face her.

“Oh, Daniel, what happened? You look awful.”

“Melanie left me.” I said it and it hurt.

She looked at me for a few seconds, still running her hand through my hair. I thought she was going to say something else, but she leaned forward and kissed me instead.

I tried to pull away, but she pressed herself closer and whispered, “Please, let me make you feel better,” as her lips moved against mine.

Part of me wanted to push her off, but another part just wanted to feel anything other than the ache.

Maybe if I gave in, it would mask it even if it was only for a few minutes. So I kissed her back, hard.

Everything came pouring out of me, and I gave it to her as if she could somehow take some of the burden from me. Tears began to spill from my eyes as I held her body roughly against mine, pressing myself into her. I tore her shirt over her head, not caring what was underneath.

Her hands felt wrong against my skin as she ran them up under my shirt, removing it. But I let her anyway.

“Please, just for one minute, let me forget.” I spoke to myself, trying to will it all away, unaware I’d said the words aloud.

“Yes, Daniel, forget,” she pleaded with me as she removed the last barrier between us. I slammed into her, praying it would fill some of the void I felt inside.

It only grew.

“Why am I doing this?” I shook my head against the crook of her neck, trying to will the guilt away. All I could see was Melanie’s face.

My heart cried out for her,

“Melanie…Melanie…Melanie,” longing for the only thing that could make it complete.

“I’m not Melanie,” she said, her voice bringing me back. “It’s Stephanie.” She reached out and touched my face. “Let her go. Don’t you see it? Now we can finally be together.”

Was she insane? Roughly, I pushed her away.

What had I done? I quickly gathered her clothes and tossed them at her. I had to be clear.

“Stephanie, I will never love anyone but Melanie.

I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.” I shook my head at the mistake I’d just made, digging through the pile of clothes on the floor to find my underwear.

“No!” She shook her head, vehement. “I can feel it, Daniel. This all happened for a reason. It was the only way for us to find each other.”

I felt sick. I had trusted her and thought she cared about me as a friend, but it was now clear. How could I be so blind? For the first time in my life, I wanted to hit a girl.