Pulled(31)
Author: A.L. Jackson

“I miss him so much. Seeing him with that woman

—it just tore me apart,” I swal owed the lump in my throat as I croaked out the words. “But he loves me. He loves me just as much as I love him. I know it.” Tears started to fall. I had felt so many emotions last night that it was hard to decipher them alll. But there was one emotion that stood out above all the rest, and that was his love for me.

“Wel , that much was very obvious, Melanie. I couldn’t tel what he wanted more, to rip Nicholas’s face off or to take you against that wall.” She raised her eyebrows at me, clearly referring to what she’d interrupted in front of the restrooms last night. “Sorry about that, by the way.

Nicholas was getting ready to come looking for you, and I insisted I would check on you.”

“Thanks.” I could only imagine what would have happened had it been Nicholas who found us rather than Katie.

I groaned in frustration, remembering Daniel’s words—his why and the hurt on his face as if I had somehow put it there.

“Katie, I’ve never been so confused. He’s the one who left me. He didn’t want me anymore, but he looked at me as if I was the one who broke his heart. I don’t understand.”

“Yeah, I definitely picked up on that, too.” Katie sucked in her bottom lip as she thought back to last night, her eyes narrowing in concentration. “I mean, there’s something missing, Melanie.” Her eyes darted back to mine. “You told me what happened when you went back for him, but why did you leave him in the first place?”

“I didn’t have a choice!” I cried out, feeling defensive. She had to understand, I’d never wanted to leave.

“Hey.” She rubbed my leg, trying to soothe me. “I didn’t mean it that way. It just might help to understand why Daniel did what he did.”

I took a deep breath, preparing to tel my story and praying I’d be able to get through it before I completely broke down.

“It’s just so hard,” I choked through my tears.

March 2000

It was excruciating—the pain. Where it was coming from, I wasn’t sure. I lay in the darkness, for how long I couldn’t tell. I heard voices, faint beeping, and the shuffling of chairs. I was so scared, though somehow I knew I would be okay, only because I could feel him.

Daniel was here. Then there were times when he was not.

I would relax when I’d heard whispered words and felt the touch of his lips against my skin. But cold would descend, fear swooping in and threatening to take me away forever when he was gone. And just when I’d begin to despair, he would suddenly be there once again.

I wanted to open my eyes to see him, and I fought so hard to. They fluttered, the light stinging them, but I was unable to focus on anything.

“Melanie.” I heard Daniel’s voice as he shifted toward me. I tried to call to him. I could make out the shape of his face before I drifted back into darkness once again. Finally, the fog began to fade, voices becoming clearer, the pain becoming worse. I was suddenly aware of how difficult it was to breathe.

“Melanie, my love,” he whispered against my hand. I could feel his lips on my skin.

It felt like a cloud surrounded my head when I was finally able to keep my eyes open, like there was a haze hovering in the room. Everything was a blur—except for the hazel eyes staring down at me.

They were filled with complete anguish.

Everything became clear, confusion turned to clarity. Fear raced through my veins. “Eva?” I tried to form the word to ask about her, to call to her. My mouth was dry, my tongue was thick, and no sound came out. My hands searched for her, clawing at the emptiness of my belly in panic.

“Shh…shh. Baby, please calm down; you’re going to hurt yourself.” Daniel’s hands restrained mine as he leaned over me and spoke against my ear. I calmed against his touch, unwilling to fight him, feeling his tears roll down my cheek and into my hair.

I swallowed, saliva wetting my mouth as I licked my lips and found enough moisture to form the word.

“Eva?”

I felt all of his breath leave him as he stilled against my face, finally pulling away to look me in the eye.

No words were said as he shook his head with unabashed tears running in a continuous stream down his face.

No?

He was telling me no, his meaning seeping into my soul like poison. Soundless sobs racked my body as I fought to deny the truth. My baby girl. How could she be gone?

Unbearable sadness consumed me, and I was sucked back into the darkness, the pain too great to face.

In moments of utter blackness, I struggled to find her to go to her, but Daniel’s soul called me back to him, willing me to survive. When I could resist him no longer, I opened my eyes, once again, to meet his. Our grief poured between us as we silently mourned her.

He spoke first, his voice cracked and strained,

“Melanie, I’m so sorry.”

Of course, he was sorry. I was sorry, sorry for our pain, sorry for our loss. But the tortured look on his face told me that he blamed himself.

Shaking my head, I reached out for Daniel’s cheek, wiping the tears from under his eyes. “I love you,” I said as I weakly tried to smile at him. He squeezed his eyes tight as more tears fell, and he shook his head against my hand, his body trembling.

“I don’t deserve you, Melanie. You can never understand how sorry I am. If I could change it.” His chest heaved with his escalating anguish.

“Daniel, no. Stop.” I ran my hand through his hair in an attempt to ease him. “Look at me.” I cupped his cheek once again, drawing his face to mine. His face contained more pain than any one person should ever have to bear. “It wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for this.” I shook my head at him. I didn’t know all the details of what had happened, but what I did know was that the car had come out of nowhere. “It hurts me even more to think of you blaming yourself for this. Please, I need you to forgive yourself for whatever you think you’re responsible for.” I rubbed the back of his neck, looking him in the face, making sure he understood and accepted what I was trying to tell him.

He sighed and nodded a silent promise to move on.

“Tell me what happened,” I pleaded.

“Melanie, I…I…”

“Please,” I choked out. As much as I knew he wanted to shield me from any more suffering, he had to tell me. I didn’t want to know, but I had to know.

“Are you sure you’re ready to hear it?” The devastation on his face tore me apart.