Pulled(90)
Author: A.L. Jackson

I was free to go.

When the doctor left, Daniel pulled me from the bed and into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close, our bodies swaying slowly as we rejoiced. For the first time in our lives, we were free to go home together where we’d always belonged.

Daniel’s lips brushed mine, the electricity shocking with the light contact. We kissed and danced and held each other for the longest time, unhurried and no longer afraid of being watched, finally free to love.

As our kiss faded and slowed, he hugged me to him again, still slowly rocking us, though his hold felt contemplative. I tensed, anticipating what he would say.

“Willyou go upstairs with me before we go home?” His voice was timid, unsure, and so very hopeful as he asked me to meet his son.

I held my breath and pressed my nose to his chest, digging my fingers in his shoulders as I fought against the pain. The energy flowing from his body gave me the strength I needed to nod my head.

I had to—for him.

He pulled back and held my face in his hands, leaving feather kisses on my cheeks and mouth, “Thank you.” He looked down at me knowingly, tenderly, sensing each of my fears. “Melanie, I promise, we wil make this work,” he reiterated, trying to bring me comfort, but the closer I came to meeting his son, the more terrified I became.

He grabbed the bag Erin had brought, shoved the discharge information into the pocket, and slung it over his shoulder.

He kissed me chastely again before taking my hand in his. I had no idea I was shaking uncontrol ably until Daniel’s steady grip wrapped securely around my hand.

“Ready?”

I wasn’t, but I would never be, and this was a request I would not deny him.

“Yes,” I choked out.

He hesitated, looking at me. “Baby, you don’t have to do this right now.”

I shook my head, unwil ing to take the easy route.

“No, Daniel. I need to do this…now.”

I had never felt so torn between my need to please Daniel, to sacrifice for him, and the selfish part of me who wanted nothing to do with this child, the part of me that wished he didn’t exist. The guilt that thought roused made me sick, and my mind chastised my heart for being so cruel. But I couldn’t stop it, and it was still there when I took a deep breath and followed Daniel from the room. He led me, never releasing my hand, pulling me forward. still , I trailed a step behind, my face trained on the ground, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and nothing else.

The elevator ride was short, and as the bel chimed at the fifth floor, I swal owed down the bile that rose in my throat. My head spun and tears stung my eyes when we stepped out onto the floor. How was I going to get through this? We hadn’t even reached the nursery, and I was already fal ing apart.

I clutched Daniel’s hand, the only comfort I could find. I felt his pulse racing just as fast as mine, but where his raced with anticipation and the desire to be united with his son again, mine raced with dread as I walked to meet the manifestation of my every insecurity.

I couldn’t even bring myself to look up as Daniel showed the volunteer working the desk his wristband and had a pass made for me.

The buzzer sounded, and the door opened. The warmth of the room washed over my face, sending shivers down my spine. The sound of babies crying pierced my ears, coming at me from what seemed like every direction, making me cower against Daniel’s side. His arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders, drawing me in, the energy between us acting as a shield from the pain. My spirit immediately eased. I breathed in and drew from that power, sucking it deep into the pit of my stomach, emboldened as we made our away across the floor.

Daniel stopped just feet away from his child, giving me time to adjust. But I pressed forward, preparing for the surge of jealously I knew would come. I felt hurried and frantic, and knew I should wait and clear my head, but I couldn’t stop the steps my feet took. It became suddenly clear the energy I felt was not coming from Daniel at alll. His baby boy was crying, a gurgling, rattling cry, so sad it would bring any mother to her knees.

I gasped as I took in his smal child, the picture of his father, a perfect replica of the man I adored. My chest rol ed with tremors as I felt his cal , taking the last step forward to be at his side. I didn’t hesitate to touch him, splaying my hand over his tiny chest. Soothed, the child still ed at my touch, his spirit calmed as it met with mine. I closed my eyes, feeling his heart pound, beating strong with Daniel’s blood that flowed through his veins. His pul was indescribable, so much like the force that bound me to Daniel, yet so different. It was a perfect accompaniment, an extension of the connection Daniel and I shared.

Daniel moved to my side and wrapped his arm around my waist, tugging me closer while taking his son’s hand, smiling wistfully. “He’s hard not to love, isn’t he?” I wheezed out through my constricted throat,

“Impossible.” Daniel and I stayed unmoving for an immeasurable amount of time, our arms wrapped around each other, satisfied to watch baby Andrew sleep in his smal crib, his hand firmly gripping Daniel’s finger and his heart beating soundly against the palm of my hand. The three of us were enveloped in the cocoon of energy that rested contentedly, for the first time complete.

I glanced over my shoulder and found Erin and Julia standing at the window hugging each other closely, their eyes bleary and red as they had watched my first encounter with Andrew.

I smiled pensively and tried to keep myself from shedding any more tears. I’d cried enough for a lifetime, and today was a day to rejoice. Daniel and I had found our heart, and it rested in this smal child sleeping safely under our watch.

Erin wiped her face with tissues Julia produced from her purse before coming into the nursery.

Daniel stepped away and pulled his sister into a fierce hug. Both of them murmured their love for one another and satisfaction for the day, their whispers proclaiming, “Thank God!” and “I knew she would.” Erin turned and wrapped me in her arms. I hugged her back, whispering, “I’m not afraid anymore.” She nodded and pulled away dabbing her fingers under her eyes. “I know.” She smiled. “So, can I do anything to help?”

Daniel roughed his hands through his hair. “Do you think you and Mom could go and help Vanessa get ready to take Andrew home? I just…” He grimaced, clearly aware he should be the one doing it but just not quite there yet. She shook her head, keeping him from having to explain what she already understood. “No problem.” She patted us both on the back and left Daniel and me to resume our protective stance over his child. We just stood there and watched. We would never be able to get enough of Andrew, so we savored every second we had.