Christian (The Mitchell/Healy Family #3)(26)
Author: Jennifer Foor

“Listen to yourself. Do you really think they care about college when your life was in danger? You’re obviously not thinkin’ clearly.”

“You know what? Just go. I don’t need someone sittin’ here tellin’ me what I should and shouldn’t do. I’m the one that got raped. I’m the one who was held down while that retched piece of shit had his way with me over and over again.”

He turned away. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Talk about it? Isn’t that why you’re here; to force me to go over every single detail again, makin’ me have to relive it so I won’t be able to even contemplate havin’ closure?”

“I would never want you to hurt. You know that.” He reached for my face, watching as I suddenly jerked away before he was able to touch me. “This never should have happened. If I’d just agreed to be with you before, you never would have gone out with him in the first place. You think it’s your fault, but it’s not. It’s mine.”

I couldn’t hear this; not because I didn’t want to, because that would be a lie. I couldn’t let him take the blame. One thing I’d never want was for him to have been with me out of pity. I got that he didn’t have the same feelings for me as I had for him. As far as I was concerned it was water under the bridge compared to what I was going through. That’s why I knew him being around was probably a bad idea. Ethan was grasping at straws, looking for some kind of resolution to heal me. “We both know that’s not the truth.”

“I love you, Chris.”

I couldn’t believe it. In all of the times that I needed his friendship, my stomach knotted when he’d said those three words. I knew we were best friends and he loved me in a special way, but right now it wasn’t enough. He was my only friend, and he could either sit here or let me figure things out, or go home and let me do it alone. Feelings or lack thereof weren’t going to save me. I honestly didn’t even know what would. “I need you to go.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want company. It’s nothin’ against you. I just need to be alone right now. I need to handle this on my own.”

“If you don’t go to the police I will. I’m sorry, but I can’t sit around knowin’ what that fucker did to you, and you better hope I don’t see him, because I’m liable to kill him.”

I turned and looked at the one man I trusted with my life. I peered into his eyes, pleading with myself to be gentle as I possibly could without ruining what we shared together. “Ethan, as much as I appreciate that you’re tryin’ to help, I need you to back off. I don’t want to call the police, and honestly I don’t know if I ever will. This is my life, not yours. It’s my decision.”

“It’s the wrong decision,” he argued. I could tell he wasn’t going to let up about it. Ethan was adamant about retribution. I could tell he wanted Seth to go down for what he’d done no matter if it happened legally or not. My fear was that he’d go after him, putting his own future in jeopardy. I wasn’t willing to allow him to put himself out there like that.

“It’s my decision,” I reiterated.

I knew he was pissed, but as he stood up I knew he would abide with my request. If I knew anything about my friend it was that he’d do anything I asked him. “You’re makin’ a mistake if you do nothin’.”

“It’s my mistake to make. Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you see that this has to stay buried?”

Before opening the door to leave he turned around and faced me. “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Chris. I won’t back down.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to.”

“If you need anything call me. I can be here in five minutes. Keep your door locked, and monitor your calls. I’ll stop by in the mornin’.”

I watched him walk out, leaving me all alone in my room. Crying wasn’t the answer to my problems, but I found some kind of release every time I did it. After putting my spare set of sheets on my bed I climbed in and covered up, burying my head in my pillow so nobody would hear me. I refused to go out of my room until I knew my roommates were all asleep. Knowing Becca, she’d probably already told the girls what I’d suggested happened between me and Seth. I was certain they’d have the same opinions of me, and soon I’d be asked to leave the house.

The longer I thought about it the more I was okay with that happening. Far be it from me to live with three women that thought I was a trouble-making liar.

I couldn’t be sure about anything except the fact that telling others what happened would only cause me more pain. Had Ethan not pushed my buttons I would have kept it from him too.

After twenty-four hours I was sure about one thing. What happened to me was getting buried, and somehow, someway I’d figured out how to get past it.

I had to, because I wouldn’t be able to wake up every day and know I’d been violated in the worst way possible. What happened to me was vial and disgusting. There was no perpetual end to what it was going to do to me emotionally. I’d read stories, and seen documentaries on assaulted women. I knew the battle for salvation hadn’t yet begun for me. In fact, I couldn’t even see a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now there was no tunnel in view.

Chapter 17

Ethan

Did she really think I’d walk out the door and forget all about what was going on? If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was in denial, but I knew that wasn’t the case. Chris was in a bad way, but it was fear that was preventing her from taking this to the authorities.

She was afraid of losing her new fake friends.

She was also afraid of losing her chance at being accepted by our peers.

It was stupid, tremendously ridiculous that her priorities were so out of whack that she’d put her own health at risk. Just because she’d been with Seth before didn’t mean he couldn’t have hurt her much worse than he had. He could have killed her, leaving her body where it wouldn’t be found. I cringed at the thought of never seeing her again, and that’s why I knew I wasn’t going to stop pushing, even if she shut me out for a little while. Her future was worth the risk. I’d rather that woman hate me forever and have some sense of security in her life, rather than living with the fear of it happening again.

It took a good part of the day to settle down, and even when I felt like I could be around people it was obvious that I wasn’t good company. This chick Mariah that I’d been seeing stopped by for a quick fuck between her classes. As much as I needed release, my mind was in other places, making it impossible to stay focused. Each time she kissed me I not only thought about Christian, which was normal, but I also thought about her kissing Seth. The mere image caused me to force the easy lay to leave my room.