Christian (The Mitchell/Healy Family #3)(51)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I stood up as the front door opened, watching as Chris’ mother rushed over to welcome her family home. I stood there staring at the strength of one family, who’d been dealt several crappy hands all at once. Their union, and ability to strive together was what I longed to have someday with their daughter. Seeing her again was like looking out that old bus window on the first, autumn day of school and seeing her climbing aboard. Even towards the rear I could see those green eyes glistening. There had never been a time where I felt so drawn to someone before, and even in my adolescent state, I knew I had to know everything about her.

It would have been nice to see her running into my arms, taking comfort in the fact that I was there for her. She was too caught in up her family to notice me at first, and I didn’t want to take away from their important reunion. After a few moments her father looked up and spotted me in the room. He cleared his throat before greeting me. “Ethan. Where you been hidin’ at, boy?”

I shrugged, and put on a fake smile until my gaze met Chris’. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” she replied. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“I was in the neighborhood,” I teased.

She took a few steps in my direction, never coming close enough for me to pull her into my arms, not that I would have been able to do that with her dad watching us. Something about that man terrified me, despite the fact that we were finally at eye level with each other.

“Are you stayin’ for dinner?” He asked.

“If it’s alright with Chris. I mean, your wife invited me already, but I wouldn’t want to make anyone upset by bein’ here.”

He walked over and put his arm around me, dragging me into the kitchen with him. “Nonsense. This is a day of communion. We’d be glad to have you, ain’t that right, Christian?”

I turned and noticed that she’d followed us into the room. Her arms were crossed in the front of her chest as she smiled. It wasn’t her happy smile, but more her putting on a nice face to appease her parent’s kind of gesture. I hated that.

For a few minutes the family talked to Christian, pretty much leaving me there to sip on my fresh glass of sweet tea. I didn’t mind, since I’d missed being around. Every couple of seconds I’d catch Chris looking at me. I couldn’t tell if she was angry or curious. I’d always been so good at reading her, but something had changed, and it bothered me not to be able to put my finger on it.

Since they wouldn’t notice me missing, I walked out on the porch to get some crisp fresh air. The fall leaves blanketed the ground in a hue of reds, browns, and oranges. It smelled like autumn as I stood there admiring the landscape. A horse neighed in the distance, just as the sound of the porch door creaking open behind me caught my attention. I didn’t have to turn to know it was her. Somehow I could feel her presence so close to me. With my hands on the railing I watched her come to stand beside me. She didn’t speak, but remained silent, as if she was waiting for me. “I missed you, Chris.”

“You’ve got a terrible way of showin’ it. Did you think it was okay to ignore my calls; to ignore me?” When she turned to look at me her eyes were filled with tears. “I needed you, Ethan, and you weren’t around. Do you have any idea what it was like tryin’ so hard to heal without you?” She shoved me. “Do you?”

My heart was being ripped to shreds and it was my own damn fault. I deserved this. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Are you kiddin’ me? After all this time you come and say you’re sorry. You didn’t just break my heart. You shattered it. When I thought I couldn’t get worse, you drug me down to a level I never knew existed. You were all I had, my last hope at someone I could trust. How dare you come here and think that apologizin’ would fix things. I can’t even look at you. You took my hope away, Ethan. I loved you, and you cast me aside as if I meant nothin’ at all.”

“Chris, please.” I tried to reach out and touch her, but she batted me away for the second time.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again.”

“You heard my sister.” Noah’s voice caught me off guard. I took a step back seeing him standing at the far end of the porch with his fiancée, Shalan.

I threw my hands up. “I’m not goin’ to touch her, man.”

“Did he hurt you, sis?” He asked.

“Not physically.”

Noah stepped closer. “I think you should go, Ethan. It’s obvious my sister’s in no mood for visitors.”

Since I respected this family, I knew I couldn’t make a scene. I had to walk away, even if I was leaving my heart on that porch. Christian didn’t want me near her, and I was not able to handle it.

Chapter 32

Christian

I’d gotten the shock of my life and handled it terribly. The look on his face was something I’d never forget. It was strange to see him so vulnerable. Had I not been so angry with him, things could have turned out differently.

My parents said nothing when I headed back in the house, and I was pretty certain my brother knew I was a force to be reckoned with.

During dinner I refused to speak, letting my sister get all the attention. She needed it more than I did. While I silently chewed my food, hoping to disguise my trembling lips, I listened to her telling her struggles to my family. Ignoring my situation wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I’d have to face my demons, no matter how painful they were for me. It was part of moving forward, part of learning how to love myself.

After I helped clear the table and load the dishwasher, I retreated with everyone else to the living room. It felt nice to be together, but my thoughts weren’t on another happy moment to add to my list. They were focused on Ethan, and how I’d pushed him away for a second time.

I hated myself.

The anticipation of seeing him again had gotten the best of me. As much as I wanted to spend the evening reminiscing with everyone, I knew I wasn’t good company. That’s why I excused myself for a late night walk.

There was only one place I’d head, and it wasn’t far away.

The barn had always been a refuge for me, even when it wasn’t filled with horses. It was also where I’d lost my virginity. Since I’d pushed Ethan away, it was the one place I could feel close to him.

In all honesty I just wanted to be alone so I could cry in peace. My hopes were that I’d become exhausted and fall asleep on a bed of hay like I used to when I was distraught and hiding from the world.