Christian (The Mitchell/Healy Family #3)(56)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I crossed my legs and prepared to shock her. “Well, Ethan came back in my life this week, and he’s in love with me. All this time he said he’s loved me. I still can hardly believe it myself, but he’s been over to the house every day after school, and he spent the whole past weekend with me.”

She jotted something down like usual. “I see. How does it make you feel to have him back in your life?”

“I feel whole again. It’s like I know I’m goin’ to be okay, because I have my best friend by my side.”

“What about intimacy?”

Immediately I felt uncomfortable. “What about it?”

“You’ve had a sexual relationship with Ethan for years, so naturally one would expect that to start back up. Have you attempted to be intimate with Ethan since he’s been back?”

I looked down, as if she’d detected my conflicts right away. “We mess around and kiss all the time. He’s gentle with me. I know he’ll wait as long as it takes me.”

“How do you feel when you’re with him?”

“Obviously happy.”

“No. How do you feel when things start to become intense? Do you withdraw or does he?”

I twiddled my fingers. “I suppose it’s me. Sometimes he tells me to slow down. Ethan’s good like that.”

“Are you frightened by the idea of being with a man again?”

“Should I be?”

She looked up from her desk and dropped her pen down. I watched as her hands folded together. “I can’t answer that for you, Christian. Every patient manages trauma differently. I’ve had some patients that were victims who took years to overcome their complexities. Others prevail quite easily, going back to the life they had before they suffered their experience.”

“Is it possible that my love for Ethan is so strong that I’m able to move on so soon?”

“What do you think?” Sometimes I hated how shrinks turned things around. Why couldn’t they say what they meant, instead of making us solve some crazy mind game? “I think that when I’m alone with Ethan I want to take things to the next level, because it’s always been special. It’s a happy place for me. When I’m with Ethan, I don’t think about that night. Does that sound weird?”

“I think you won’t know until you try. It sounds like Ethan’s willing to be patient if you need him to. Why don’t you discuss it more with him. I know sometimes spontaneity is enjoyable. I’d make your first encounter a planned one. Set a date and work your way to it. If it doesn’t work out then we’ll know what we have to focus on.”

For the next hour I told the doctor my concerns. My fear was that I’d get halfway done with the deed and freak out. Perhaps I’d watched too many movies where girls acted that way. When I was alone I did think about that night, but I also thought about all of the other women who had it so much worse than me. Seth wasn’t a stranger. Even though I hated the mere mention of his name, I was making progress with being able to move past it.

When I left her office I felt better. It wasn’t like Ethan would walk away if I wanted him to go slow. I was fully aware that the final piece of being able to move forward would depend on this act. As much as I feared it, a part of me looked ahead to the new and improved relationship that I finally had with my best friend. Knowing he loved me had only given me the strength I required to pull it off. I was going to overcome this obstacle, because out of the evilness that besieged me, I knew I could see the light.

Since I had plans to meet Ethan back at the ranch, I didn’t waste time heading home. My eagerness to be with him wasn’t just to overcome obstacles. Every ounce of me wanted to be close to him, because even though I had issues with intimacy, I still felt the safest in his arms.

It wasn’t surprising to find my cousins arriving. My stomach knotted up at the mere thought of approaching them with my doctor’s suggestions. The last thing I needed was to hear them ridicule me to pieces.

With a steady focus I walked toward them, fearing whatever was to come out of their smart mouths. Jax spotted me first, just as he helped a female step out from the back seat. “Chris, you’re just in time to meet my girl. This is Reese.” I looked at the brunette, petite girl, with light colored eyes that may or may not have been gray, and smiled, even though I wondered what she was doing with my crazy cousin.

Then, before I could greet her, he cut in between us and wrapped his arms around me. I couldn’t for the life of me reciprocate. This was something that had never occurred before. I mean, my mom probably had pictures of when we were kids, but this wasn’t like that. “Are you ill?” I teased.

“I heard what happened, Chris,” he whispered in my ear. “I know you’ve got a brother, but if you need me to kick some ass I’d be glad to.”

I pulled away, wondering how I was supposed to react. “Thanks, but I’m just tryin’ to move forward.”

“I can tell. You look great.”

His girlfriend interrupted the compliment. “When you said she was pretty you didn’t do her justice. Girl, you are gorgeous!”

I was taken aback by her statement. My cheeks immediately became flustered. “Thanks, but you’re too nice. Jax would never say that about me.”

She looked back at him, and then toward me again. “No, really. He talks about you and your sister Addison all the time. You’re stunning. I’m surprised you don’t model. With your figure you could go places.”

All of the sudden I felt modest. My arms hugged my sweater across my chest, and I searched for what to say next.

Jax put his arm around me at the same time his brother Jake approached us. He too leaned down and hugged me. “How’re you doin’?”

I shrugged. “Did my mom put you up to this?”

“What?” Jake looked confused. “No. We talked about what happened to you on the way here. All fun aside, you’re our cousin. Neither of us wants to see you hurt.”

Reese walked over to the car and began pulling out her bags. I made sure I spoke so she couldn’t hear me. “I thought you guys hated me.”

They both laughed, as if my comment was preposterous.

“Seriously, you’ve made fun of me for as long as I could remember. Don’t be nice to me just because of what I’ve been through. I’m stronger than you think.”

Jake nudged his twin brother. “Look cuz, just because we pick on you doesn’t mean what we say is true. If we weren’t related we’d totally hit it,” he teased.