Christian (The Mitchell/Healy Family #3)(30)
Author: Jennifer Foor

"Say the house got robbed."

"Where am I supposed to live? It’s too far into the semester to apply for housing."

"You’re stayin’ here with me. It’s small, but we’ll make it work."

Chapter 19

Christian

Was he crazy? Did he really think I’d be able to stay with him when I knew it was because I had nowhere else to go except back to the ranch? Did I think that I’d be alright with him pitying me?

I wasn’t going to let him do that¸ no matter how desperate I was. “Ethan, as much as I appreciate the offer, I think it’s best if I make other arrangements. I can’t be a burden to you.”

He chuckled. “Seriously? You a burden? That’s not possible. Besides, I could use the company.”

I rolled my eyes. “You have plenty of company. I hear all about them.”

He cleared his throat and looked away. “Yeah, well that’s different. It’s just sex with them, Chris. We’re not even on a last name basis when they leave in the mornin’. Havin’ you around will be good for me.”

If he was trying to convince me to stay he was doing a horrible job at it. Reminding me of his lifestyle made me want to grab my purse and run out of there, before I’d have to tolerate any more pain.

“It’s not goin’ to happen. You’ll end up blamin’ me for your failing sex life. The next thing you know we’ll be partin’ ways as friends, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t have many other people linin’ up to hang out with me.”

“We’ve been friends for a long time. Do you honestly think I’d let some chick come between us?”

I shrugged. “I have no idea what goes through your head in a single day.”

“I’m tellin’ you right now, I want you to stick around.” I got this weird vibe like he was getting agitated with me. Since I knew how much he liked having late night visitors it made no sense.

Secretly I felt like me staying with him could help with my jealousy issues; if no woman could come around to steal him away from me then I’d have nothin’ to worry about.

Then I came to the realization that it was going to be a long time before I could trust even my best friend in a sexual way. Every time I imagined being touched it felt like tiny pins were being jabbed into my skin. Closing my eyes only made it worse, because I envisioned my attack repeatedly. “I’m hungry.” I changed the subject, feeling like our conversation was getting us nowhere, and requiring me to use too much of my energy, when I knew I needed to conserve it.

“Do you want to go out?”

I nodded. “No.” I didn’t want to go out in public, because I knew that if I ran into anyone I’d have to rehash the events again. I couldn’t face them, not now, and probably not ever.

“Chris, you know you’re goin’ to have to talk to someone about this. It’s obvious that you’re scared, and I’m not goin’ to push, but it’s crucial to seek professional help. You’re not the only woman that this has happened to. I’ve been readin’ up on this, and there are support groups in the area we could go to.”

“Stop it!” He said he wasn’t pushing, but that’s exactly what was happening. “You want me to go out in public and tell my story to a bunch of strangers? Are you out of your mind?” I could feel my body shaking as I spoke, reminding me how upset the mere mention of it made me.

“I never said that. You don’t have to share your story. A lot of people go there to listen. Maybe it would help to hear other people that have gone through similar circumstances.”

I got up and walked out of the room, refusing to hear him out. He didn’t understand that I needed to bury it. I wasn’t like those other women. Talking about it made everything come back full-force. I couldn’t continue to dwell on what Seth did to me, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to broadcast it to a room full of strangers.

Ethan found me a couple minutes later. He was eating a small bag of chips and offered me one. “I know you’re pissed, and you think you know what’s best for you, but you’re wrong. Let’s go to one meetin’. We can sit in the back and listen to one story. If you want to leave after that I won’t fight you. We’ve got to do somethin’, Chris. If you’re not willin’ to call the damn police at least come to a meetin’ with me, because I can’t sit here and watch my friend witherin’ away. Don’t you get it? This isn’t just hurtin’ you. It’s tearin’ me apart to see you this way. It kills me to see you wantin’ to give up. That asshole did somethin’ horrible to you, and it can’t be forgiven, but you can learn to move forward despite what’s happened. It ain’t goin’ to occur overnight, and I’m certainly not expectin’ a miracle, but dammit you’ve got to keep going. You’ve got to want to overcome this. Please, if not for me then do it for yourself.”

I stood there completely dumbfounded, staring into his lost eyes. I’d been too annoyed to hear that he too was suffering. “You’re right.”

He stepped forward and grasped my hands, keeping his gaze on me. “I just want you to be happy again. We’ll figure it out. I promise you we will.”

When he let go of my hands I wrapped mine around his back, burying my head against his chest. “I’m afraid.”

Feeling him kissing me on the top of my head was always his trademark, except for this time. I knew it was assurance that he was going to see this through, no matter what he had to do to make it happen. “Don’t be.”

An hour later we were walking out to his vehicle to head to the closest meeting. I got about four feet from his car door before noticing something was written all over his passenger side window.

The words LIAR and WHORE were capitalized in what looked like white paint. I froze in place, watching as Ethan circled around the car. “What the fuck?”

This was all my fault, but yet he marched over, took my hand and got me inside before even admitting that he’d have to clean it all off in order to drive anywhere.

After locking the doors and running back in the house he came out with cleaner and some rags. I started to climb out to help him, but he suggested I stay locked inside to keep warm. I was pretty sure he was more concerned about where the vandals were, and if they’d been waiting to verbally attack me again. Either way, I felt safer being locked inside.

We’d gotten lucky by coming outside when we had, because the paint was still wet, and came off with little effort on Ethan’s part. After tossing all of the rags, he finally got inside the car and put his head on the steering wheel while beginning to speak. “If I find out who did this shit I’m goin’ to hurt someone.”