Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(20)
Author: K.A. Linde

Instead of fingering her like she so desired, he ran his fingers across the wet sides of her lips hitting each sensitive nerve perfectly. Her back arched and she let loose a low moan, feeling her body reaching all new heights. He was drawing out her pleasure, knowing that each touch was sending her farther and farther over the edge. He was increasing her bliss by prolonging the time until her cli**x, waiting until he allowed her to orgasm. When he knew she couldn’t take it any longer, he inserted two of his fingers directly into her. He felt her instantly clench around him, causing his erection to harden even further in his jeans.

Lexi began laboriously panting as she felt her cli**x begin to take over her body. Jack’s fingers were working in a come-hither motion on the inside of her sending her over the edge. She moaned even louder, only just resisting the urge to scream in delight.

Her legs were shaking convulsively by now as he removed his fingers and swiped at his mouth. "I’ve wanted to do that for so long," he said leaning forward and kissing her, giving her a taste of herself. "And damn, do you taste good."

She blushed slightly at his words. Even after what they had just gone through, sexual references still made her blush. This made her giggle. She felt euphoric.

"Damn, Lex, you look sexy like that." He assessed her nak*d form. "You should always be nak*d around me."

She blushed even deeper. "Come here," she commanded snaking her arms around his neck and pulling him in for another kiss. "I want you," she moaned against his lips.

"You want me?"

"Inside of me. Now."

She didn’t have to say it twice. He quickly undid his belt and tugged his jeans to the ground. Lexi smiled sweetly at his blue boxers covered with tiny yellow fish. He tore those off as well and repositioned himself over her. It was his turn to pant while his erection hovered only inches above her soaking wet opening.

His crystal clear blue eyes bored into as he got ready to meet her. "Are you sure, Lex?" She could tell it was taking every ounce of self-control he had to not just shove himself right inside of her, taking her for his own. Every inch – yes every inch – was hard-pressed and ready to go.

But was she sure? She hadn’t been sure the whole time. In fact, the only thing she had been sure of was having the most amazing orgasm she could ever imagine. She wanted him inside of her, but something was nagging at her. If she went ahead and slept with him right then and there, like her body was begging her to do, there would be no going back. Maybe if they stopped where they were, she would be able to recover from what happened, but not after sex. Sex was final.

"Lex, you’re killing me here. I want you. I just need to know if you are sure this is what you want."

She sighed heavily, her hands coming to cover her face. "Oh Jack, it’s what I want." He sighed happily, and moved himself so that the tip just barely touched her. He then shifted his h*ps to rub it up against her gently. She moaned heavily at the feel of him, and then pushed herself away. "But I can’t," she whispered sitting up against the headboard.

She watched his face fall as he realized that she wasn’t going to go through with it. But he wasn’t going to pressure her. If she said no, then he was going to be okay with that.

He rolled over to the other side of the bed and lay back against the sheets. "I just want to make everything up to you. If you don’t want to go further, that’s okay," he finally said after his breath began to even out.

Lexi hopped off the bed and quickly began throwing on clothes. "Actually, I don’t think you should make it up to me."

"What?" he asked concern written on his face.

"Jack, I have a boyfriend. I can’t believe I just did that." Guilt began to wash over her.

"But you said it was okay."

"I know I did. You didn’t do anything wrong. You asked me if it was okay. I was wrong for not stopping you."

"No, Lex, you weren’t wrong," he said joining her on the carpet and grabbing her hands in his.

"I was wrong. I can’t be around you Jack."

"This is something you want though."

"Not while I’m with someone else," she said her face lifting to meet his. Tears were welling in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. She was so ashamed of herself. "I just have to go."

"Lexi, please, don’t run out like this," he said tugging on his boxers and jeans.

"I can’t be around you," she yelled, hating herself for raising her voice when he had done nothing wrong. She just wanted to crawl into a hole. She felt like such a creep. How could she go on? How could she live with herself? She had been so lost in the moment – in him – that she couldn’t even think straight. She couldn’t process that she was ruining her life by being there with him, by letting him touch and kiss her like that. No matter how wonderful it had been the guilt she was feeling was so much worse.

"Don’t beat yourself up about this," he whispered to her as she threw her purse onto her shoulder and moved towards the bedroom door. "I don’t want you walking out the door and never talking to me again."

"Jack, what I feel for you…I can’t feel like this when I have someone else. I’m not supposed to be this person. I’m not supposed to do these things. You have to understand. You’re too much for me."

"I can’t understand that. We’re right for each other."

"But not right now," she said, hollowly repeating the words he had bestowed up her the last time they had tried to work things out. Her brown eyes glanced up and met his. "Isn’t that right?"

"No," he said reaching out for her. "Right now is right." She backed away not wanting to be touched by anyone especially not him. All she needed was a scalding shower and a few nights of repentance. Thank God, Spencer wouldn’t be back for a couple days. Maybe by then he wouldn’t notice.

"No Jack," she murmured shaking her head. "I’m sorry. I can’t be around you."

"Lex, come on."

"No," she stated firmly. "I’ll miss you." Her words came out weak.

"I don’t want to miss you again. I want to see you more. I want us to hang out. God, I want us to finish our movie."

She shook her head adamantly. "I shouldn’t have come over. I knew this was going to happen. I’m such an idiot. I can’t resist you. Good-bye," she said reaching out and giving him a fleeting kiss before yanking the door and rushing out of the room.

When she reached her car, she let the tears flow. She pulled out of his driveway nearly blinded by tears.

How had she thought that this could be some innocent night?

How could she lie to herself about what she was doing?

* * *

K.A. Linde

Interview with the Mistress

‘Cause you’re hot and you’re cold

You’re yes and you’re no

You’re in and you’re out

You’re up and you’re down

-Katy Perry "Hot and Cold"

* * *

Chapter 7 – Present

The coffee shop Bekah had chosen for them to sit down and finally have their conversation in was delightful. In some ways, it reminded her so much of the place where she and Jack had first met. It wasn’t well-lit, and there were so many people milling around that it seemed damn near impossible that they were going to find a table. On the other hand, the establishment was huge. Unlike chain and small town coffee shops, this place had three stories and took up an entire corner of a building. Lexi rarely came to get coffee at places this large. For her, it lost the cozy atmosphere with the size, but she wasn’t going to complain.

Meandering through the densely populated shop, they went on a search for an unoccupied table. Lexi veered away from Bekah hoping to spot an available table in the opposite direction. She let her thoughts wander as the search continued.

Jack had dropped her off outside the establishment. He had complained the whole way back about having to wear a tie, and had ditched her as soon as they arrived. He claimed that he would be gone only as long as it took for him to change before he would meet up with them. She was pretty pissed that he had left. After all, he was the reason for this stupid conversation she was supposed to be having. Honestly, she didn’t know if it made it easier or harder knowing that Jack wouldn’t be hearing everything she said. One on hand, she might be able to speak more freely about their relationship, because she wouldn’t feel constrained by his memories. But at the same time, she might be more convincing if Jack was there to back her up.

"Lexi?" a voice called out to her.

She turned in a half-circle hoping to find Bekah finally seated at a booth. She just wanted to get this over with. But there was no one in sight. She heard her name called again, and this time she recognized the direction of the voice. Turning slowly, she stopped and gawked at the person who had called out to her.

"Oh my God! Krista is that you?" Lexi asked rushing to hug the petite girl who had once been her gymnastics captain in college. "I hardly recognized you."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," she peeped standing to accept the embrace.

"Your hair…it’s all one color…brown," Lexi exclaimed in awe. "And who would have guessed anyone would ever find you in a business suit!"

"Not in a million years," she said adjusting her silky v-neck blouse to reveal a bit more cl**vage. So maybe things weren’t that different.

"I thought you were in Vegas. When did you come back to Atlanta?" Lexi asked enthusiastically. Krista giggled. The girl actually giggled holding out her left hand to reveal a huge diamond surrounded by four others on a white gold band. "Oh wow, that’s beautiful." Lexi stared transfixed at her ring. The rock was enormous. Lexi didn’t believe anyone actually wore diamonds that large out and about, but Krista always liked to catch people by surprise.

"I got married last winter. My husband’s company has an Atlanta branch. He knew how much I loved it out here so he relocated. I’m working with some interior design company. It’s kind of dull but the hours are flexible. If they weren’t, I’d quit that shit and go fulltime at the gym. We’ve got some amazingly talented girls. Last year, we had one make it almost all the way through the Olympic trials," she explained.

"That’s amazing!" Lexi exclaimed truly happy for her friend.

"So what are you doing here missy? I’d heard through the grapevine that you were in f**king New York City," Krista said her green eyes glimmering.

"Yeah, I am. I’m just here visiting a friend." Lexi stopped suddenly realizing that Krista and Jack knew each other. That thought had completely slipped her mind. "Actually, I’m visiting Jack. Uh…Jack Howard."

"Holy shit! Jack f**king Howard. Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile. I thought you two would be married by now. Run off together or something," Krista noted.

Lexi blushed. "Um…no."

"Damn. You always seemed like a perfect pair to me," Krista told her. She watched as Lexi’s complexion colored over further. "So where is he?" she asked her head swiveling hoping to catch a glimpse of him. "He’s so delicious. I’d love to see him again."

Lexi laughed remembering why she had always liked Krista. She was so straight-forward and vulgar. It was refreshing, and reminded her of New York. "He actually just dropped me off. I’m here with his…" Lexi trailed off realizing that she had been standing here for awhile and had completely lost Bekah.