Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(47)
Author: K.A. Linde

"I think…I should go," Lexi said retreating.

"Yes," Bekah said glancing up at her, "we should go. Are you alright? You don’t look well."

"I’ll be fine," Lexi said hurrying out of the Tiffany’s and back into the open mall air. She let out a long breath and felt color return to her cheeks.

"Well I’ll see you Friday, if not beforehand," Bekah said nodding her head at Lexi as she exited the mall. Lexi fell into the cool comforting car and forced her mind to wander in other directions. The last thing she needed to consider was engagement rings and proposals.

Ramsey had vaguely hinted that he would be out when she returned from her shopping excursion. Something related to work though he hadn’t given any details and had completely evaded any further questioning on the subject. He had slipped a key into her purse before letting her out of the house, and told her that she was welcome back whenever she had completed her errands. After depositing the hanger in the upstairs guest bedroom and letting any remaining thoughts of engagements flutter from her mind, Lexi found that she felt surprisingly relaxed. She had a new fabulous dress. She never had to speak to Jack’s snotty girlfriend again. And soon enough she would be spending some much needed time with her family. Not much else could get her this excited. The only issue that she had left to deal with was talking to Jack.

She needed to figure out what was going on between them before she left for New York this weekend. She only had a couple days left, and every time they had been together had held sexual tension or outright anger. If she was ever going to let him go, then she needed to get everything out of the way…out in the air.

That is how she found herself hailing a taxi to take her back to his place. It had only been three days since she had last stepped foot into his apartment, but so much had happened since then it felt like a lifetime.

The late night attendant she had passed while entering the building only a couple days earlier seemed to remember her and buzzed her through to Jack’s floor. She knocked once before twisting the knob and surprisingly finding it open. The lights were dim as she entered and a flickering was coming from a room off the entrance. No sounds could be heard from the apartment, and as she stepped past the kitchen candlelight seemed to take over. A hundred or more candles of varying shapes and sizes filled the living room and several more lit the dining room where two plates were set and a bottle of wine sat chilled.

Lexi’s mind was whirling. This couldn’t be for her. Why would he do something like this for her? Did he just want to confuse her? Granted, it was beautiful. She could feel tears welling to her eyes as they drifted from one romantic scene to the next. Is this what it felt like to have Jack be only yours?

Except he wasn’t.

He belonged to Bekah. So what was he doing making her feel like this now? After she had just confessed everything to his girlfriend. After he had flown her down here to convince the new girl that she was what he wanted. Was this a thank you of some sort? Did he actually think he had to thank for what she had done? Because this wasn’t helping her ability to get closure. She couldn’t have him being sweet to her when she needed so desperately to forget him. Even if she was, as Bekah suspected, the reason he hadn’t been able to commit to anyone else in so long. She still needed to be rid of him in her life. No longer could she be controlled by his desires and passions. She needed to be in control for once.

"Do you like it?" Jack asked from behind her. Lexi turned slowly and took in the beautiful man in front of her. He wasn’t overly dressed which put her mind slightly at ease. He wore a pair of dark loose fit jeans and a white linen button up rolled up to his elbows. His blue eyes were momentarily hidden under his midnight hair. His complexion was dark from the summer sun which only added to the exotic effect he was exuding.

"I…well…yes, but why?" she asked her eyes leaving his sexy body and falling on things that she was more capable of discerning accurately with her heart racing like it was.

"Because I needed to apologize," he said stepping towards her.

"Is this how you apologize to everyone?" she asked attempting to keep her eyes averted despite the fact that he was standing so close she could almost feel the heat rising off of him.

She knew he was smirking without glancing at him. "This is how I wanted to apologize to you."

"Well you shouldn’t have," she said weakly.

"I was out of line when I said all those terrible things to you."

"Jack you shouldn’t apologize. You should let it be," she said turning away from him completely.

"I can’t apologize enough for what I’ve done to you over the years, for what I did to you this week, for having you come here and endure what I put you through. I can’t apologize enough for overreacting when I saw you with Ramsey. I can’t apologize enough for everything, but I thought I could start with dinner," he whispered sweetly into the earlobe she had left exposed to him. His arms came up to encircle her miniscule waist and draw her in him. She tried not to breath in his delicious smell as old feelings threatened to overcome her senses. He placed a tiny kiss on her shoulder before reaching down, tugging on her hand, and pulling her into the dining room.

"Jack you really shouldn’t have done all of this," she said as he tucked her into the dining room chair.

"I think that I should have, and who are you to turn down a man begging for forgiveness?" he asked with another smirk directed her way.

Lexi sighed and waited for him to be seated before continuing, "We really need to talk."

"I agree," he said, "how is the chicken?"

Lexi glanced down at her food realizing for the first time that there was in fact chicken on her plate. She dug her fork into the meat and tasted the morsel. "Good. Did you cook this?" she asked in surprise.

"For you."

She nodded wondering when he had ever learned how to cook. Last she had checked macaroni and cheese had been too difficult for him. Now he was creating delicious entrees? "Okay well thank you, but we really do need to talk."

"You’re right. I need to apologize. Would you like me to begin?"

"Uh…"

"I should have never called you." Lexi glanced up from her plate to stare at him in surprise. She hadn’t actually thought he was going to try and play the card that he was sorry for coming back into her life. She had missed him every day since he had been gone, but he hadn’t and he had made that surprisingly clear when he had called. Then he had started blurring the lines. He had started using her desire for him to his own advantage. He couldn’t possibly think that saying he shouldn’t have called could make up for that.

"I’m not sure what Bekah told you or what you guys have spoken about, but I shouldn’t have dragged you into this. What we…were just shouldn’t have been put on display like I’ve been making you do with Bekah. Does that make sense? What I’m trying to say is that I know why I didn’t tell Bekah about you in the first place."

"You do?" Lexi asked finishing off her first glass of wine as quickly as possible. The alcohol was working its way through her system and leaving with her with just enough of a buzz so that she could take whatever he was going to send her way next.

"I just couldn’t bear her knowing what I’d done to you, how I’d broken you. And I see it now. I see that I broke you into a million pieces and then left you there. I didn’t want her to know I was capable of that. Did you tell her I was capable of that?" he asked directing his question towards her for the first time expecting an answer.

"I…I didn’t tell her that," she whispered watching his face morph from despair to intrigue.

"But why didn’t you? You could have told her. You could have told her everything."

"I know Jack," Lexi admitted placing her fork back down on the plate the tiny appetite she had entered with had now gone.

"Then why didn’t you tell her. She calls me telling me she loves me telling me that I’m everything to her. She says that you’ve opened her eyes to who I really am, but does she know who I really am Lexi? Does anyone other than you know who I am?" he asked standing and approaching her chair. Yanking the chair from the table he rested his hands on either side of the arm rest and bore down upon her.

She gasped in surprise as she let her face tilt up to his. "I don’t know Jack. Have you showed anyone else?" she asked looking up into his giant baby blues that were staring right back at her with concern stricken through the orbs.

He shook his head letting his eyes close and his head drop forward. She couldn’t help but be amazed at his beauty even in that moment. "I’ve never known how to talk to anyone like I can with you Lex. I’m not even sure if the woman I’ve been with the past year and a half has a clue who I am," he announced licking his lips before continuing. "And when I’m with you, I just know. You know?"

She did, but could she tell him that? Should she tell him that? After everything she had told Bekah today and what she had gone through for him everyday since they had met, of course she knew what he was talking about. When he could look at her across a sea of people and just know what the other was thinking. The way he peered deep into her soul and somehow still accepted her despite her inadequacies. The fact that he even saw her inadequacies was amazing to her. Yet, he had been there. She had been his constant all along. What Bekah had been saying suddenly clicked in Lexi’s mind.

She was the reason for all of this.

And that realization in itself pushed Lexi to nod her head in agreement. "I know exactly what you mean."

His head came up and somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind something clicked inside of him as well. He scooped her up out of the chair and crushed his lips to hers. She paused momentarily frozen in place before allowing him to ease his mouth back down onto her. He kicked the chair out of his way and pushed her body back against the wall. Tilting his head sideways, he kissed deeper into her mouth feeling around with his tongue for every vantage point. She moaned as his hands grabbed at her waist and hips. His mouth moved away from her lips to feel his lips against her earlobe, neck, and collarbone taking in as much of her as he could. He returned to her mouth when she clawed at his back begging to taste him again. It had been nearly two years since they had last kissed, but the way they moved together made it seem that it was only yesterday. He could still remember every delicate curve of her body from memory and she continued to revel in the feel of his skin against hers finally once again.

She wanted him so bad in that moment, but not like this. She wanted him as hers. She wanted him to be her own. No longer could she play the game of sharing him with another living being. If he was to have her and all of her as she desired, she needed the same. She needed him to only belong to her. And she could wait to have him if that was what that meant.

"I’m sorry," he said pulling back softly as he noticed her desire wane. "I’m sorry again and again. I couldn’t control myself." His hand came up softly to her face and cupped her cheek. "You’re so beautiful."

"I’m sorry too. We shouldn’t be in this position again. I want us to be…us," she finally admitted to him. "I want you to be mine."