Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(54)
Author: K.A. Linde

"We can’t…I can’t do this," she said sliding the shirt back over her head and removing her legs from around his waist. "I told you how we can be together, and I really have to stick with that," she said her breathing ragged and body still pulsing with desire for him. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done, but she knew that she couldn’t do this. Not again.

Jack groaned and moved to a sitting position next to her. "Yeah I know. It’s just…this is what we’re normally like. You’re so damn sexy when you get angry. I just can’t seem to help myself."

"I know. I didn’t want you to help yourself either. I don’t want you to have to help your feelings for me, but this isn’t fair to Bekah. We’ve been here before. I don’t want another Kate/Clark situation on our hands. It didn’t go well the first time, and I have a feeling that it would be just as bad this time around," she told him sadly. Lexi hated so much having to have this conversation. All she wanted right then was to be swept up into his arms and be carried to his bed so they could have hot passionate sex all afternoon. But she couldn’t do this again.

"You’re right," he said meeting her desirous gaze.

"I’m sorry," she told him shyly. "I do want this terribly bad."

He reached out and caressed her cheek. "I know."

"Well," Jack began awkwardly, "I’m going to go take a cold shower." He stood up uncomfortably adjusting himself. "Feel free to come and go as you please. I really do have a lot of work to catch up on, but I’d love it if you stuck around. I can’t seem to get enough of you." He bent down and kissed her forehead sweetly.

Lexi watched him exit the living room. She couldn’t believe how close she had come to giving into him. She knew one thing though. She needed Chyna right then. Chyna was the only one who would keep her focused while Jack was taken. She had to give him enough time to deal with Bekah, and allowing him to think that he could have her without doing anything about the situation wasn’t going to help her. She needed to stand her ground, but not getting swept up with their desires was a lot of work, and Lexi wasn’t prepared for it. That’s where Chyna came in. It was too bad Chyna was still hours away, and Jack was currently stripping down nak*d in the next room preparing to get soaking wet.

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Reviews are amazing! My awesome reviewers are: Cupid’s Psyche (of course! you’re amazing) and Sure as the Dawn (more past chapters to come)

K.A. Linde

Three Small Words

I miss everything about you

Can’t believe that I still want you

And after all the things we’ve been through

I miss everything about you

I see your blue eyes

Every time I close mine

You make it hard to see

Where I belong to

When I’m not around you

– Colbie Caillat "I Never Told You"

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Chapter 18: November One and A Half Years Earlier

A scraping sound followed by shuffling feet across the carpeted floors made Lexi shift from her otherwise comfortable position. She yawned exaggeratedly refusing to open her sleep deprived eyes to the blinding sunlight. Her hand slowly rose above her head and she stretched languidly across the couch. Her back arched pushing the checkered quilt off of her upper-half leaving her frail form exposed with only a flimsy white tank top as a meager cover-up. She shivered convulsively at the near freezing weather and scrambled to cover the rest of her body with the warm material. Yanking the covers up to her chin, she snuggled deeper into the plush cushions. Another yawn escaped her as she wrestled with her own inner turmoil: to study or not to study.

A sharp pain shot across her temples reminding her of the amount of alcohol she had absorbed last night. Memories of shot after shot flooded her conscious, and she knew her answer to that dilemma. There would be no chance she would be studying today. A groan escaped her lips and she shuddered against the pain pulsing throughout her body. Her stomach twisted with nausea and she was certain that she would be sick at any moment. Swallowing down the rising bile in her throat, she groaned even louder this time. A giggle punctuated the early morning air causing Lexi to cringe further into her comfortable niche.

"You gonna get up, you lazy bum?" Rachelle, Lexi’s roommate, questioned in her thick New England accent from across the kitchen.

Lexi grumbled angrily into the pillow adding a few choice curse words. "Don’t talk so loud Ray," she mumbled pressing her palms to her forehead.

"It’s pretty late, and you know we have that huge Civ Pro reading for tomorrow," she drawled slamming the microwave door shut as if for Lexi’s benefit. Another giggle resounded throughout the space confirming that sentiment. "I wouldn’t want to see my genius roomie getting behind in her class work."

If she had had the energy, Lexi would have flicked her off. Under the circumstances, she just griped louder into the pillow and pulled the covers completely over her head. She let her eyes open and painfully adjust to the feeble amount of light apparent through the blanket. Her mind sifted through the disjointed memories from the previous night focusing in on the high points. Vodka gummis, hot Armani Guy, dancing, leaving with Chyna – Jack. She gasped quietly in the chilly morning air as her brain wrapped around the foreign concept. Had that been a dream?

It felt completely surreal to think that he had been in New York, in her dorm, in her arms. He had come for her. He had confessed his desire – love – for her. He had lain next to her all night.

She shook her head in disbelief ignoring the warning signals going off throughout her body at the sudden movements. No, she had dreamed that. She drank way too much last night, and out of desperation had conjured up the one person she was always thinking about. She was almost certain she had passed out and Jack had taken over her subconscious…as he typically did.

He wasn’t here after all. If he had been real, he would be lying here next to her with his arms securing her in place against his chest. He would be kissing her shoulder and up her neck as the pleasantries woke her from more than just sleep. He’d mumble sweet nothings into her ear and stroke her long unruly hair out of her face in order to get a better look at her dark warm chocolate eyes. She would melt at the sight of his cerulean irises confessing his affection for her and knowing that they didn’t actually need words.

No. Jack was just a dream. A sweet dream, but a dream nonetheless.

With that gloomy thought coupled with her ever increasing hangover, Lexi pulled the covers from across her eyes. Her pupils dilated as they adjusted to the extreme change in light exposure. She sat up still holding the covers tight to her chest in an attempt to retain some heat within her body. After a minute, Lexi shifted her gaze to Rachelle who was studiously seated at the kitchen table with her Civil Procedure book open before her.

"Ray…uh…can I ask you something?" Lexi began awkwardly.

Rachelle flipped the page not even appearing to hear Lexi’s comment. Lexi waited feeling more uncomfortable by the second as she waited for a response. Just when she opened her mouth to speak up again, Rachelle responded noncommittally, "Huh?"

"Can I ask you something?" Lexi repeated.

"You just did, and you can’t borrow my book. I’ll need to read this at least four or five more times before tomorrow," she added snappily.

Lexi gritted her teeth, and tried to remind herself that she was at a top five school for a reason. These people were supposed to be bitchy. "I didn’t want to borrow your book," Lexi said, "I just had a question about last night."

Rachelle glanced up from whatever she was writing furiously into her notepad and snorted. Literally, snorted. Lexi gaped at her in horror.

"Did you uh…let someone in last night?" Lexi asked.

"Are you thick?" Rachelle retorted snapping her pen down on the pad with a little too much force.

"Excuse me?" Lexi asked dumbfounded cringing away from the loud smacking noise the pen made against the surface.

"I would never let anyone inside," Rachelle stated matter-of-factly, always the epitome of responsibility.

Lexi breathed out a sigh of relief even though it felt more like a sigh of despair. She had been hoping that she was wrong. She wanted so desperately to have Jack here that she was actually badgering her most anal roommate about possibly letting a strange man into their dorm room. How much had she had to drink the night before? She shook her head, regretting the action instantly, and stood to go brew a cup of coffee. Rachelle was some sort of super-human freak that didn’t need the stuff, even though she went to bed after everyone and woke up first in the household.

As she prepared the pot, Lexi found her bottle of Tylenol tucked behind three cans of tuna and a crushed package of macaroni and cheese. Dumping out two extra strength pills in her hand, she stuck her mouth under the running faucet, took a too-large gulp, and swallowed them down whole. She hopped up on the cool counter top letting her legs dangle and leaned her aching head back against the wooden cabinets as the coffee pot worked its magic.

After Lexi had filled her mug to the brim with the steaming liquid, she stumbled into her bedroom to get together toiletries for the shower she so desperately needed. Digging through her pockets from last night, Lexi located her cell phone. A text from Chyna stated something about them needing to talk and expressing her feelings about the amazing night. Lexi shrugged off the needing to talk bit and veered towards the shower. The shower was refreshing and seemed to alleviate most of the aches that were permeating her body and completely dispelled any feelings of nausea. Lexi finished off her mug of now lukewarm coffee as fast as she could, changed into some sweats, and ventured back into her living room.

By that time, Lexi’s other roommates, Claire and Elizabeth, had returned and were discussing the reading that Rachelle was currently skimming over for the umpteenth time. Lexi tilted her head to the side and ran her fingers through her hair allowing the waves to separate from each other. She moseyed towards the coffee pot and poured herself another glass.

"Did you hear us, Lexi?" Claire asked behind her.

Lexi turned around and surveyed the scene before her. She was the first to admit that she didn’t exactly fit in with the other students at NYU. People came in from all over the country to go here, but they at least all had one thing in common: a sense of competition. Her roommates definitely had that feeling, and Lexi simply didn’t share it with them. That was why when they were all together in one place; it was very unlikely that they would actually be talking to her. She hadn’t heard a single word they had been saying for that exact reason, and told them as much.

Elizabeth upturned her nose at Lexi and mumbled something under her breath. Claire jabbed her in the ribs before responding. "We were just wondering how last night went," she ventured barely suppressing a giggle

Lexi stared at her with her mouth wide open. In the months that they had been living together, she had never been asked about her night. The only topics of conversation they focused on at all had to do with school. Something was up. "Same as usual I suppose."

"I saw your friend. What’s her name Asia?" Elizabeth asked knowing full well that wasn’t her name. Lexi rolled her eyes at her not enjoying their little game and wondering where this was leading.

"Chyna, actually," Lexi responded wishing she hadn’t had so much to drink the night before. If she was going to have to deal with whatever game they were playing, then she needed to be a bit more conscious.