Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(61)
Author: K.A. Linde

The only way things could be okay now is if she didn’t watch them together like this. She grabbed Ramsey’s hand and pulled him back towards the balcony. "Maybe I’m not feeling as well as I thought. I’d rather not be in here," she whispered to him.

"You don’t want to watch the end? I think you’re in the end," he told her.

She shook her head fiercely. "I think I better not."

"Alright," he said guiding her to the outside.

This time when she took one glance over her shoulder Jack wasn’t there, and he wasn’t watching.

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My awesome reviewers: Cupid’s Psyche, Minzy, 1PitBullGurl, CaliBound, Sure As The Dawn and total romance. Thanks guys!

K.A. Linde

Meant To Be

Tell me what you thought about

When you were gone and so alone

The worst is over

You can have the best of me

We got older but we’re still young

We never grew out of this feeling that we won’t give up

– The Starting Line "Best of Me"

* * *

Chapter 20: December One and A Half Years Ago

"Shush," Lexi cried for what felt like the hundredth time. "Guys, you have to cut it out and be quiet. He’ll be here soon and then you’ll just be embarrassing me…again."

Rachelle gave her a half-smile. She was just happy that Lexi might be able to get the other two to finally quit yapping. Elizabeth’s freckled face darkened, but she couldn’t keep from giggling. Her red hair was flying as she let her head tilt backwards with the laughter that was overtaking her. Claire, never too far from Elizabeth’s state of emotions, ran her fingers through the thin blonde strands that curled under her chin. Her answering giggle only egged Elizabeth on.

"But I just can’t wait for him to get here," Elizabeth muttered just to piss Lexi off.

Lexi’s eyes narrowed. "He’s here all the time. There’s nothing special about tonight."

"Ah, ah, ah…" Rachelle interrupted. "Tonight is special. Finals are officially over."

"And we’re going out with you," Claire added her dull grey eyes searching Lexi’s face for a reaction.

"And Jack will be all dressed up," Elizabeth mumbled closing her eyes and imagining him in much less clothing.

The two girls had been badgering her about Jack since he arrived. Even though they saw him nearly every day for the past couple months, they couldn’t stop their endless discussion of him. Lexi was beginning to think they did it just because it had started to get a reaction from her. And they hated that, despite their horrible finals preparation for the past couple weeks, Lexi had been in a state of euphoria.

Jack and Lexi had held to their word. They were not a couple. They were lovers and most definitely in love. Yet, they weren’t together. It was easier that way so far. She was busy with law school and he had been desperately searching for a job where he’d be able to use his degree. With all that, he still had to work as a waiter and sometimes performed with a piano or guitar, whichever struck his fancy that night, and made money to pay the bills that were piling up in the tiny broken-down apartment.

It just made the time they were afforded together even that much sweeter. And somehow they had formed a different friendship than the one they had ever had before. Now they spent long, late afternoons in Central Park discussing anything that came to mind. In their past, they had been careful with the precious time they were allotted and careful with the time they shared around others. They never wanted to appear too friendly.

But now they could lounge around their perspective apartments all afternoon. Sometimes hanging with their roommates. Other times they sat alone watching movies or whatever was on TV. But beyond all that, their passion rang through it all. They made love nearly every day. As often as she could afford to put off studying, they would spend all afternoon in his bedroom trying out new positions, volumes, and heightened cli**xes. The way things were now, Lexi could live like this forever.

Well as long as she could get her roommates to shut up.

A knock sounded from the doorway and Lexi shot her roommates a fierce glare. Elizabeth and Claire giggled into their hands taking a seat next to Rachelle who admonished them with a look of her own. The two girls dropped their hands and tried to divert their attention from the visitor in their doorway.

Lexi pushed her hair behind her ears once before opening the door. Lexi gasped and clutched the doorframe for support. She couldn’t drag her eyes away from the form in front of her.

"Clark," she gasped, shock written across her face, "what are you doing here?"

Her heart was pounding in her chest from surprise and wonderment. Clark had never forgiven her for what she had done to him. And she didn’t blame him. If the situations were reversed, she wouldn’t have been able to forgive him for his treachery either. He had slandered her name, and forced her out of their circle of friends. It was like she had lost everything in the divorce. The only thing that had kept her going was the knowledge that she would be in New York soon enough away from it all. Which did nothing to explain why he was here on her doorstep.

Always confident, he didn’t even flinch from her direct words. He smiled politely and let his green eyes work their way down her body. She instantly felt self-conscious in her skimpy black dress. The tiny spaghetti strap ended in a v-neck front and the polyester material hugged her curves in all the right places. Lexi hugged her arms across herself only increasing the amount of cl**vage visible.

"I came to see you. You look beautiful," he told her, his voice rich with emotion.

Lexi gulped hard. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her.

"Can I come in?"

Lexi bit her lip unsure of whether or not she should let him in. On the one hand, she hadn’t seen him in a very, very long time and so it was nice to have him here. On the other hand, Jack would be here any minute. She couldn’t even imagine that.

"I don’t know if that’s such a good idea," she muttered her eyes on the floor. She could hear whispering behind her back, and knew that her roommates were trying to decipher who the mystery man was.

Clark downcast his eyes. She could tell his mind was working overtime. "I haven’t seen you in a long time. I’m all the way up here. Are you sure I can’t come inside?"

Lexi glanced over her shoulder and saw that, indeed, her roommates were very curious about the man standing before her. She felt like she had just been a spectacle on display for them for the past month. When she looked back up at her ex-boyfriend, her heart skipped a beat. There were so many things wrong with this reaction that she didn’t even have time to process them all. "I…I can’t let you in. I’m sorry Clark."

He sighed heavily and nodded. "Well, I guess this was a mistake," he grumbled. "Have a Merry Christmas Lexi."

Clark turned and began to walk down the hallway from which he came. She stepped one foot over the threshold and watched his slumped form trudge away from her. She hated that she was hurting him. Why did she always have to hurt him? The things that she had done to him within the past year should have been enough. She couldn’t let this go on. He was here for a reason, and she owed him at least some of her time.

"Who was that?" Claire called unable to control her curiosity.

"Just a friend," Lexi told her before slamming the door behind her. "Clark," she called tip-toeing down the hallway in her stilettos. He stopped before he reached the stairwell and turned to face her. She raced the rest of the way down the hallway. "I’m sorry. I should have let you come inside. I was just…just so surprised."

"I guess I should have called," he admitted a smile playing across his features.

"Yeah, I think that would have helped." Her face was flushed and hands trembling. She hadn’t been this nervous in someone’s presence in a long time, and she was in law school! Mostly, she just didn’t know what he wanted, and that terrified her.

Did he somehow know that she was sort of seeing Jack? Had he come for revenge? Could he have gone to the dark side?

"Why don’t we just talk here?" she gesturing for him to take a seat on the cold stone step.

His eyebrows furrowed together. "If you’d prefer that. You look freezing," he commented reaching forward to warm her arms.

She scurried back a step not allowing herself to get in contact with him. That could be bad. She had never had this issue with anyone other than Jack, but then again she had never been in a relationship with Jack…or whatever it was. She breathed out a heavy sigh in an attempt to calm herself.

There was no need to be like this around Clark. They had their chance, and she had blown it. There was no way they could ever be together again. She didn’t want that. She had what she wanted already. With that comforting thought, she took the seat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. He didn’t make a move to warm her again, but just allowed her slight shoulder to gently brush against his own.

"Can I repeat my earlier question?" she asked coyly glancing up at him through her black lashes. "What are you doing here?"

His strong hands fiddled with the white button on his blue plaid long-sleeve collared shirt. His arms rested on the dark designer-cut jeans where they faded at the knee. Seemingly realizing that she was observing him, he dropped his habitual buttoning and unbuttoning and met her gaze. "I’m here on vacation…" he paused.

Lexi could tell that there was more to what he wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure what it was. He seemed somehow reserved about what he wanted to tell her. She had been with him long enough to know when he was holding something back. She honestly didn’t want to push him though. He could tell her whatever part he wanted to tell her. She hoped she could keep herself from prying. Since she would rather die then have him pry and find out about Jack. With his intuition, she knew it would only take a couple questions to come up with that answer.

"How did you know where to find me?"

"I called your mom before I left to ask her where you were located on the NYU campus," he admitted cringing at his own snooping abilities.

"She didn’t tell me that," Lexi muttered angrily.

"I asked her not to tell you, because I didn’t know if I would come visit you," he responded quickly. A curly lock fell into his eyes and he reached up and brushed it away. Strong memories of doing just that overwhelmed her. She reached up and swept her own hair behind her ears several times to try and still her thoughts. He smiled at the familiar movement. "Well at least you haven’t changed much."

Lexi couldn’t admit how true that sentiment was.

"Uh…so you didn’t think you’d come see me?" she asked trying to keep him on track.

"We just ended…so abrupt…so wrong," he responded sounding wounded. "And I know part of that was my fault."

Lexi felt like she had just swallowed a bag of cotton balls her mouth had gone so dry. She didn’t want to talk about their break up. Yes, they had broken up, but that had been quite some time ago. Why did he want to talk about that now? "Yes and everything else was my fault," she murmured broken and dejected.

"Lexi," his voice silky, "the way I treated you was completely uncalled for, and I don’t know if there is any semblance of a friendship…of more," he whispered. "But if there is, then I want to find it."