Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(26)
Author: K.A. Linde

She tried to fix her gaze forward and avoid looking at him, but she couldn’t. Just before she had been awoken, she had been having another…rather inappropriate dream about him. Apparently being within his presence had allowed him full access to her dreams again. "Couldn’t sleep?" she asked just to make conversation even though the silence wasn’t that bad either.

"I saw you come down here," he told her.

"I thought you were sleeping upstairs." She couldn’t help but stare at his well-defined profile in the ambient light.

He shook his head. "Nah, sleeping next to guys…not my style. I took the couch in the den."

Her eyes raised in realization that when she had passed through the den door he must have been right there all along. "Oh. How long have I been out?"

"About thirty minutes I guess before I decided to join you."

"How did you know I didn’t go for a walk?" she asked curiously.

Finally, he turned his head towards her, and by the light of the moon, she got a full look at the beautiful face she had been dreaming about. His eyes traveled over her flimsy sleeping clothes, and then rose back to her intrigued face. Finally, he shrugged and answered, "I just knew."

"You didn’t come down at once and check on me?" she questioned him not understanding.

"No. I waited to see if you were just going to come right back in, but I soon realized you weren’t. So I came to find you. I just knew you’d be here Lex. I just know you," he said reaching out and cupping her cheek in his hand as he had done earlier that afternoon.

At his touch her breath instantly quickened, and her lips parted. How did he do that? "I’ve missed you so much," he said his voice lowering intimately.

"Jack," she whimpered as he trailed his hand down her neck, "you…you can’t touch me like that."

He pulled her by her neck towards his waiting lips. Just as they were only an inch apart, he broke her steady gaze and began to kiss down her supple neck. She moaned deep in her throat, and then ripped herself out of his enticing grasp.

"I said no," she cried standing in a fit of anger. He remained seated and rested back on his elbows again not even looking back up at her. "Why are you here? What do you think you are doing? I don’t want things to be like that again. My boyfriend…your girlfriend…our friends…everyone is up there right now and could see you doing this. Don’t you care about anyone but yourself?"

Ignoring her other questions, he coolly said, "Lexi just sit down."

"No! I’m not going to just sit down. Why do you have to be so demanding all the damn time?" she cried her hands resting on her hips. She was glaring daggers at him.

"If you don’t stop using that voice with me, I’m going to take you right here on the beach," he told her evenly. "You’re so much sexier when you’re angry."

Lexi immediately stopped her argument and openly gaped at him. Was he serious? Was he really going to try to calm her down by claiming she was in any way sexy by yelling at him? The whole concept just infuriated her further. "I told you to stop telling me what to do. I will do whatever the f**k I want. And I want to know why the hell you’re here. You grab me in public and then completely ignore me. Then, just when I’m accepting that, you start kissing me?" she squealed. "What kind of game are you playing? What kind of…"

She was cut off by him standing so swiftly it hardly registered on her radar. He snatched her up in his arms and tossed her gently back onto the towel. From his standing position, he immediately moved over her pushing his body flush against her. She gasped feeling every inch of his hard body just as his mouth crushed against her own.

All thoughts left her at that point. She hadn’t been aware how much she wanted him…how turned on she already was from being close to him. Her body was aching all over with him tight against her moving suggestively from her lips to neck to ear and demandingly back to her hungry lips. He was hardly giving her enough time to breathe as he let his tongue slide around in her mouth. She let her free hand, that wasn’t twisting around at the nape of his neck, run down to his h*ps and pulled him closer to her.

Groaning, he continued his assault on her lips. "I want you right now," he said his hands fumbling to reach down her cotton shorts.

"Jack, no. No I can’t," she whispered pushing him away.

"Lex, goddamn it, you’re killing me," he growled sitting up and straddling her.

"Well, if you’d listened the first time, we wouldn’t be in this situation," she said through her heavy panting.

"If I’d listened?" he asked in disbelief. "I told you I’d take you right here if you didn’t stop being so damn sexy. You are the one who didn’t listen."

She sat up and shoved him into the sand away from her. "Fine whatever, it’s all my fault. It’s always my fault! It has nothing to do with you being here when you’re not supposed to be or you coming down to the beach to find me. It has absolutely nothing to do with you kissing me, for Christ’s sake! Taking advantage of me, when you know I can’t control myself around you," she spat.

"You can’t control yourself?" he whispered into the gusty night, his words almost lost in the wind.

"Don’t play with me Jack," her dark brown eyes were nearly black in fury at this point.

"I’m…I’m not playing with you. What do you mean you can’t control yourself? We’ve been in social situations for the past two or three years, and you’ve never given me more than one glimpse of your so called lack of control. I think you have perfect control. You hardly look at me. You definitely don’t speak to me. God forbid, we have a normal conversation. So, yes Lexi, what the f**k are you talking about?"

She’d never thought about it that way. She figured by avoiding him as much as possible that she’d in some way be able to regain the control she lost when suckered into his enticing thrall. But it didn’t work. All her efforts were futile, and even worse was she had avoided his wonderful presence and wasted a friendship…relationship for over two years.

"I did those things because of my lack of control. When you touch me Jack, I completely succumb to you. I give into your ever whim."

"But you don’t. Can’t you see that? If you did, we would have had sex two years ago," he vehemently told her.

She let out the breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. He was right. She might lose control, but she had the capability to gain it back. Something inside her told her that she didn’t really want to regain the power he had over her, and that was why he had so often enraptured her every thought.

He scooted closer to her in the sand, and grasped her hands in his own. "Because I’ve wanted to be with you every day since then."

Words were lost on her. She’d wanted him too, but things were different. She was with Clark now. Spencer had been a short lived thing, but Clark…he was solid. He had everything she had ever wanted in a relationship. He was caring, attentive, understanding, loving…the list was endless.

The only thing he wasn’t…was Jack.

Jack with all of his fiery passion and hopeless desire. Jack who had secured her a position on the gymnastics team even though she hadn’t spoken to him. Jack who had always wanted her…since they had first met.

"Lex, I know how you feel about me. I feel that way too. Just…just let me show you what I can be to you," he said playing with her fingers embedded in the sand.

She sighed and gazed into his crystal clear blue eyes. He wanted her. He’d always wanted her. "What does that mean?"

"We’ll just do whatever feels natural."

"You’re talking about having an affair," she spoke softly.

"No. It can be completely platonic," he said taking her hand and interlacing it with his own, "if that’s what you want."

What he was allowing her was a way in. A way to be with him…without being with him. The dream sounded amazing. It wasn’t everything she wanted, but she couldn’t deny it did have its perks. She could be with him again. She could talk to him and be friends with him. They could be around each other without the automatic hot and cold that came from their forced separation.

"Okay Jack," she breathed. "I’m giving you a chance."

"I’ll show you everything I can be for you," he said hesitantly leaning forward and in a companionable manner kissed her cheek.

Her breath caught despite the friendly nature of the kiss. Instantly, she wondered if this was such a good idea. Pushing the thought away, she scooted closer to Jack and together they sat and watched the ebb and flow before them.

* * *

K.A. Linde

Personal Space

Deep down you know it’s best for yourself but you

Hate the thought of her being with someone else

But you know that it’s over

You know that it was through

Let it burn. Let it burn. Gotta let it burn

I’m twisted cause one side of me is tellin’ me that I need to move on

On the other side I wanna break down and cry

-Usher "Burn"

* * *

Chapter 9: Present

Huffing louder than was necessary, Lexi glanced around Bekah’s guest bedroom in disdain. She had been directed in here to change for Ramsey’s party, but she was currently having second thoughts about whether or not that was smart of her. She was going to this party because of Jack. Strike one. She wanted to prove that Bekah was a phony. Strike two. And possibly humiliate her brother miserably. Strike three.

Wow. She was in a low place.

She tried to clear her mind of her dark thoughts and really assess the room with an unbiased eye. This room was painted a light blue. The wicker collection had all white bedding, and a slight accent of navy blue curtains hung across the window. Lexi conceded that it was homey at least. Though the bed could easy be replaced by a wicker crib, and have the same effect. This couldn’t have been an accident. She cringed at the thought of having children. Obviously, Bekah didn’t.

Lexi laughed at the thought. Of course the psycho marrying-type wouldn’t have an issue with having children…with thinking about having children with Jack. Her laughter instantly turned bitter, and she returned to her darker mood. She couldn’t be unbiased about Bekah. She had made up her mind that she would never like her…anything about her. Not that the girl was helping out anything by being hot and cold and having a pastel Easter egg colored house.

She popped open her suitcase and rummaged around for something to wear to this damn party. Why had she agreed to go through with this? She was such an idiot. If Chyna could see her now. She just shook her head at how humiliating that conversation would be. Not caring much how she looked, Lexi pulled on a dark pair of jeans, and unable to resist herself, she put on her favorite ocean blue-green lace halter top.

"Alright. Let’s get this over with," she said walking into the living room and finding it empty. She glanced around wondering where they went. Then she heard a giggle slice through the silence. Too curious for her own good, Lexi traipsed back down the hallway to the source of the noise.

Lexi stopped suddenly when she heard a loud moan coming from the other door on the hallway. She froze unable to pull away as she heard Jack and Bekah talking.

"Jack, come on stop. She’s right down the hall," Bekah breathed.