Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(76)
Author: K.A. Linde

"So you don’t deny that you and Ramsey have something going on?" he asked ignoring her question.

"We don’t have anything going on, Jesus. We did kiss, but we’re not together. I don’t even understand how you could think that."

"I don’t think that. I know that something is going on between ya’ll. You’ve just been f**king with my mind since you got here."

"Excuse me? You’re the one who is flip-flopping the whole goddamned time I’ve been here. You come home early to see me. Then you’re an a**hole to me at Ramsey’s party. Then you want to be with me again and you’re going to break things off with Bekah. After that we have sex and you’re just another a**hole all over again. What the f**k Jack?" she asked demanding his attention.

"It’s only because you’ve been playing me the whole time that I keep changing," he told her his blue eyes stormy.

"I have not been playing you!" she yelled at him. "And I don’t know Ramsey from anywhere."

Jack laughed again. "You’re good. You know that?" Lexi sighed exasperated. "You and Ramsey met in the club the night we got back together in New York."

Lexi glanced at him in surprise. Her heart raced in her chest at the faint memory of a night long ago. She had met someone in that club. In fact, she had almost gone home with that guy. A series of flashbacks took over her mind.

A man in an Armani suit buying her drinks and barely glancing at Chyna as he offered to take Lexi home. A faint memory of Ramsey saying they had met somewhere previously just before they kissed on his balcony. The way he programmed her number into his phone as if he already had it in there. Ramsey somehow knowing she didn’t drink Jack Daniels or Sex on the Beach. How familiar his lack of personal space felt. The way he had touched her last night as if he had been waiting to do that for much longer than the week he had known her.

Her stomach plummeted shock radiating out of every pore. Could Ramsey be the elusive Armani Guy? She had lost all the numbers programmed into her phone so when Ramsey had given her his number it wouldn’t already be in there. He had known all along and he hadn’t mentioned it to her.

"See you can’t even deny it," he said shaking his head as if he hadn’t really believed it himself until she had just confirmed it.

"How did you find out that I’d met him?" she asked.

"I remember Chyna talking to you about some guy from Armani calling you when we were together. I knew you were at the club where Ramsey was that night, because I was the one he was supposed to interview." Lexi’s heart jumped again. Jack had been there that night. In fact, when she had seen a guy that looked like him, that actually could have been him. She couldn’t believe all of this. "I know you’ve been seeing each other since then. He told me this woman he met once in New York a couple weeks ago. He didn’t even know he was talking about you, and, honestly, until I saw the two of you together last night I wasn’t entirely sure myself."

Lexi’s hand rushed to her mouth unable to believe what he was telling her. "I knew Ramsey in New York," she murmured.

"So you admit it?"

"Yeah. I guess I do, but he never told me that he knew me," she said still in a state of shock. Why wouldn’t he have told her? It wasn’t like she had given him some reason to not to trust her. Sure she hadn’t exactly been up front with him about her reasons for being in Atlanta, but she hadn’t considered that something like this would happen.

"Right," he said in disbelief resting back against the corner of the desk and turning to face her.

Lexi quickly stood brushing the cobwebs out of her mind. She took a turn around the room trying to process what this new information meant besides the fact that it seemed everyone was lying to her in some way. What more could she find out to make matters worse? She finally settled her mind, walked back to Jack, and stood before him. "I don’t know how we got onto this subject, but Ramsey is not the reason I barged into your office to speak with you."

Jack waited. "So what’s the reason then?"

Lexi took a deep breath before starting. "I’m leaving tonight for New York and I need to know what’s going on…with us," she said the last part unsure if she really wanted the answer. At the same time, she knew that she would never be able to leave Atlanta happy without answers.

Jack sighed heavily and buried his head in his hands. "Always back to this conversation."

"It’s the only one that seems to matter," she said standing her ground in front of him.

"Lexi I have a whole life here. I have more than a few loose ends to tie up."

"What about everything you said?" Lexi asked her voice quavering.

"What do you want me to say Lex?"

"What about the goddamn truth?" she cried throwing her hands in the air. "Do you want to be with me? You said that you did. Was that all a lie too?"

"It wasn’t a lie. I just…I want to be with you when I’m with you, but when you’re gone I doubt everything. We have too much history, Lex. You know that. I don’t know what’s been going on with us lately, and," he took a deep breath, "I don’t know if I can just leave my life behind."

"So this is it then?" she asked, their history the only thing keeping her from collapsing.

"I don’t know…"

"No, don’t f**king do that. Just make up your mind already," she cried rushing forward and pressing herself against his chest.

He instinctively wrapped his arms around her body and held her against him. She breathed into him pushing her hands up his chest and around his neck. "We just have to figure this stuff out."

Jack pulled back from her holding her face softly between his strong hands and staring into her confused brown eyes. "I know we do."

"I can’t do this anymore," she told him closing her eyes as his thumb trailed down her cheek.

"Can’t do what anymore?" a voice asked walking into the room behind them.

Lexi jumped back at the sound of the voice. Jack immediately released Lexi’s face dropping his hands to his sides. She tried to hide the expression on her face, but there was no point. Bekah had to know something was up by now.

"Hey babe. When did you get here?" Jack asked hesitantly.

"Just a little while ago. Hey Lexi," Bekah said cheerfully.

"Bekah," Lexi said nodding her head in greeting.

"Are you here about the news?" Bekah asked smiling as politely as ever as she strolled into the room. Her naturally blonde hair had recently been highlighted and fell down to her chest as pin straight as ever. She wore a crisp white pencil skirt with a baby pink silk blouse that tied up around her neck and made a bow at the side of her neck. A white suit jacket was folded in half over her left arm. She looked like a vision of perfection and it made Lexi sick.

"Uh…news?" Lexi asked glancing between Jack and Bekah.

"Didn’t Jack tell you?"

"Apparently not," she uttered anxiously.

Bekah held up left hand and squealed with joy. "We’re getting married."

Lexi gasped as she looked at the cut of the ring in front of her. It seemed so familiar, but…it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t.

* * *

Awesome reviewers: Cupid’s Psyche (thanks for the lyrics suggestion! You’re amazing!), cat10985, Munchlax (glad you read everything in one sitting and loved it :)), total romance., Jeivy, and cosmopolitan.

K.A. Linde

Closure

Every time you look you find a way

But I know every time you change your mind

Excuses fly by every which way

But lies grow ’til you can’t find the truth behind

You say you love me, but you’ve got no clue

What it is or what the hell you’re gonna do

-The Orkids "I Told You So"

* * *

Chapter 25: Present

She was seeing spots.

Anger so fierce came over Lexi she couldn’t even see properly. Every negative emotion that she had ever conjured up combined seemed insignificant compared to this feeling. She could remember a time when she thought things could be right with her and Jack. Now it seemed like that was such a very long time ago. How could she have ever told herself things were going to be alright? She now knew with every ounce of her being that there was absolutely nothing left of the man she had once loved.

Where had the fun, easy going guy that worked in the coffee shop and brought her muffins after class gone? Where was the guy who had taken her to the carnival and paid the guy to stop them on the top? Where was the guy who got her on the gymnastics team, who marveled in her every achievement, who followed her to New York, who would have followed her to the world’s end? Had that man left a long time ago and she had just missed it?

A part of her, and she wasn’t sure how large that part was, realized that this was her fault. Her continual desire for him had only pushed him to compensate for her affections. They had been playing this game for six years now and it had changed him. He couldn’t hold back any longer. He lacked self-control and his selfish and self-righteous behavior only intensified his demeanor. Somewhere in their past, they had mutually agreed that cheating was somehow alright. She didn’t know where that began, if it was the first time he had asked her out, the first time she had gone to see him knowing she wasn’t available, or that moment on the pier which changed everything, but it had begun.

And that’s how she knew this moment in time was partly her fault. The sex just before the proposal was just like old times all over again. She had attempted to fight him, but she couldn’t fight Jack. When he was persistent, and damn was he persistent, he got what he wanted when he wanted it. That is how it had always been. That is how she had let it become. Cheating was as much a part of them as breathing, no matter how much Lexi tried to fight it.

However, she had made it pretty clear, up until last night, that she had realized her mistake and wasn’t going to continue on that path. If Jack hadn’t run in New York, she would have taken some time away from him. She had wanted to show him that what he had done was not right. They had cheated and deluded themselves into thinking it was alright, but it wasn’t and it never would be. Had she been given the chance she would have done things so different, but he had run and she had never been given the opportunity to correct his error. Then when the moment of truth had come out in the hallway, she had given in all over again. A moment she was afraid she would regret for the rest of her life.

But the other part of her knew that this was just as much Jack’s fault, if not more. He had been the first to cheat. He had been the first to tell her that it was always going to be okay, that they could just be friends, that it didn’t matter what they had done rather what they felt. He had never given up.

And up until today, she thought he had always kept that one important promise that had saved them through so many battles. He had promised that he would never lie to her. Through everything he had told her exactly what was going on and exactly what happened. He had even told her when he had cheated on her with his roommate, Stella. He told her things she hadn’t wanted to know and emotions she couldn’t imagine him feeling. Yet, she realized, through her mind clouded with anger, Jack had lied to her all along.

Because he had always said that he wanted to be with Lexi, and it was pretty obvious now that that was simply not the case.