Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(71)
Author: K.A. Linde

"How could you do this now?" she murmured tears forming in her eyes even though she had told herself over and over that she wouldn’t cry.

"It was the only thing I could think," he said snapping the box shut and stuffing it hastily back in his pocket.

"What does this mean?" she couldn’t help asking.

"I took a job in Atlanta. I won’t be a burden on you any longer. I can see what I did to you, what I continue to do to you, and I won’t let that continue to happen. I f**ked everything up by sleeping with Stella, and I know that. I’ll never forgive myself and I don’t exactly expect you to forgive me."

"Atlanta? I thought you got turned down."

"The man that I interviewed with last night suggested me to a friend and as long as I’m in Atlanta by tomorrow night I have the job. It was a last minute kind of thing," he told her.

"So all of this was for nothing?"

"No it made me realize what I did to you. And I’m not going to do it again. So this is good-bye. I’ll try not to bother you again. I love you Lex," he said planting a sweet kiss on her lips.

She could barely function right now. He was leaving her after all. They weren’t going to be able to get through this. Even though she thought they would be able to work it out, they would never be given the chance. And as she watched him walk out her door, she truly knew that she would never ever hear from him again.

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Awesome Super Amazing Reviewers: Cupid’s Psyche (I adored your Ramsey theories and it gave me a TON to think about! You’re amazing and brilliant!), Sure As the Dawn, futurestar2009, Caroline202, cat10985, CaliBound, jet . black . dbs, August Empress of the Romans, total romance., sammi-2688, and misatok123.

K.A. Linde

Mistakes Worth Making

What am I suppose to do

When the best part of me was always you and

What am I suppose to say

When I’m all choked up and you’re okay

I’m falling to pieces, yeah

I’m falling to pieces

-The Script "Breakeven"

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Chapter 23: Present

Lexi slipped inside his house carefully positioning herself where Ramsey couldn’t get a look at her back. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth wincing at the extreme tenderness. Ramsey glanced in her direction and she instantly moved to cover her throat with her hair. No need for him to ask questions. It would really just be an unnecessary hassle. And, in either case, it wasn’t something she would be able to explain.

She stood by the stairs and waited for him to walk up first. She couldn’t exactly have him watching her as she walked up the stairs. She followed behind closely ducking into the guest bedroom where he stood against the doorframe.

"I’ll just get you something to sleep in," he told her a smile playing across his features.

"Uh…thanks," she stated awkwardly turning to face him in the doorway. She liked the smile he was sending her way. It was very…sincere. He looked as if he genuinely did not want to be any place else in the world at that moment. He would be content standing in the doorway staring into her face for eternity. He wasn’t even pressuring her to feel anything more just to look at him. And, man, was he attractive.

His blonde hair was radiating with perfection. His green eyes were rimmed with adoration and affection. She could see the lust prominent in the irises, but she knew he wouldn’t push anything. The Country Club gentleman in him prohibited him from making her feel uncomfortable. She always thought that would work to a person’s detriment, but now, with him standing in front of her, she wasn’t too sure.

Lexi’s stomach twisted at the thought. She did not want to be thinking these types of thoughts around Ramsey. He disoriented her in a completely different manner than she was used to. Jack tilted her completely off balance. She couldn’t think…she could hardly breathe around him. It was as if her orbit shifted to circling only him. Wherever he was and whatever they were doing she naturally rotated around him.

With Ramsey she could feel a sense of equality about their movements. He revolved around her while she matched his movements. It was a completely new experience. And also terribly frightening to know that she could have such a connection to someone she had just met…to someone she hadn’t even particularly liked up until tonight, when she found she hadn’t been able to stop him from kissing her. That she didn’t want to stop him. But she couldn’t think about that right now. Tonight, of all nights, she needed to keep her wits about her.

She stood motionless in the doorway as Ramsey fetched her clothes. She couldn’t help thinking about the events of the night and how they had unraveled. Bekah’s disgusting sexual remarks echoed through her conscious. Had Jack so easily gone from Bekah to her in a span of twenty-four hours? The more she thought about it, the more she couldn’t believe it.

Sure, Lexi knew what he was capable, but that was low…even for him. And the way Bekah had spoke about it. Lexi shivered at the notion. Jack couldn’t claim Bekah for his own when he still had feelings for Lexi. She just didn’t know how to show that to him.

The sex was never supposed to happen. She just wasn’t capable of controlling her actions around him. Turning Jack down was the hardest thing she ever tried to do. No matter how many times they had f**ked up together, she never found it easier to break free from him. There was always Jack. Even after the crazy sex and horrible things he had said to her, she couldn’t think about giving him up. He was obviously very confused. One minute he was crazy with jealousy about her showing up with Ramsey. Then he was completely cold and distant. After that he made fiery, passionate, amazingly hot sex to her standing up against a cement wall in Turner Field. Then managed to tell her that none of it mattered?

How could none of it matter?

How could the sex not alter his decision in the slightest?

Lexi couldn’t wrap her mind around that concept. Sure she had been sleeping with Jack for years, but it’s not like the sex never mattered. She had held out on him for a year a half, granted they hadn’t been together the whole time. No, they had never been together. He had made that perfectly clear when he walked out that door…when he ran.

Her face darkened over at the painful memory. She typically kept it under lock and key where no one could access it. But with everything that had gone on tonight, she couldn’t hold it together. Her jaw was clenched tight and her eyes had the remembered look of agony. All she wanted to do was keep from crying until Ramsey brought her something to change into.

Just then he walked around the corner and down the hall. Lexi quickly recovered hoping that her expression was as neutral as possible. But she could see that he wasn’t fooled.

"Thanks," she muttered yanking the clothes out of his hand and slamming the door quickly.

Lexi smacked her head back against the door instantly regretting her actions. Reaching her hand back to touch her head, she found a small knot forming where it had been knocked against concrete. As if her problems weren’t enough, now every bump and bruise would remind her of Jack. Great!

She groaned as she forced her body to stand back up. Hugging her arms tightly around her body, she moved in front of the full-length mirror pinned against the wall. Lexi gently pulled down the side zipper on her now ruined dress. The silky material slid off her narrow h*ps and pooled at her feet. She unclasped her black, strappy, high heels and kicked them off. Lexi turned from side to side examining the damage. She could see little bruised indentions in her thighs where Jack’s hands had held her up. Her lip was turning a slight shade of purple, but her neck wasn’t quite as bad as she had anticipated. Her back was scratched, but not red and puffy like before. In the dim lighting, the rest of her body looked nearly normal.

This allowed a small smile to cross her face. Their indiscretions wouldn’t be as noticeable as she thought. Her aches were at a minimum, and she would be as fit as ever in a couple days.

Her smile dropped off her face and she felt the tears begin to well in her eyes. She allowed them to flow freely from her cheeks cursing herself for feeling the emotions she was encountering.

This might be her last reminder of Jack.

These reminders of their escapade was the last thing she would ever receive from him.

He had said that he still needed time to think, but didn’t she of all people know better? Jack didn’t think. He acted. He did exactly what he wanted when he wanted it, and since he done that with her, he had received everything he had endeavored towards.

She collapsed on the floor covered only by her black, strapless bra and thong set. Her hair cascaded around her face. She felt something wet on her knees and she realized, suddenly, that it was tears. Lexi swiped at her eyes. She glanced up into the mirror and recognized the trail of black flowing down her cheeks. She vigorously scrubbed the mascara tears away leaving her cheeks raw and splotchy.

Her head tilted to the side as she stared onwards at her reflection. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear once out of habit. The movement reassured her and she did it again until the curly strands were maintained neatly behind her ears. It was the least she could do to keep from crying again.

This was the last time she ever wanted to cry for Jack Howard.

Her head snapped to the side at sound of the door creaking open. Ramsey stood silhouetted in the doorway in nothing but a snug pair of maroon boxer briefs. For a second as she stared at him, she lost all thought of being all but nak*d sitting on the floor. He looked so delectable. She had never seen him with his shirt off, and damn was her first impression right. He certainly had to have a physical trainer. She hadn’t seen bodies like this since the last time she had gone to professional soccer game and even then she wasn’t sure if they compared.

"Oh sorry," he said his eyes sliding down her near nak*d form. She could tell he wasn’t sorry and she was too broken and dazed to say otherwise.

"Did you need something?" she asked her voice cracking with the effort to keep from crying.

"I was just coming to check on you."

For once he kept his distance. Lexi let her head drop wishing she could just erase this entire night. She had been stupid to think that she could be a part of Jack’s life. And in that moment, she felt more used than she ever had in her life. Even if that hadn’t been Jack’s original intention, after he left her standing there bruised and broken, she couldn’t help but feel that he had just used her. And she wasn’t even sure what had fueled such anger from him. The sex was amazing, but there was an undertone of hostility in his movements. Not to mention his abrupt goodbye. It didn’t even matter that he had claimed that he still needed time. When he said that it didn’t change things, she was really more afraid that he meant it.

"Is there something I can do?" he whispered into the darkness.

She shook her head back and forth. All she needed was to be alone. But she couldn’t say that to him. Not after all that he had done for her. Sure he had originally gotten on her nerves, but he hadn’t pressured her into anything. And he had been perfectly nice through this whole ordeal. He had even defended her to Jack when he had suspected Jack was going to hurt her. And he had been right. Oh how he had been right. She couldn’t be mean to him now not after everything.

At the same time, she couldn’t risk bringing another person into her downwards spiral. If Ramsey knew the terrible things Jack had done to both her and Bekah, it wouldn’t be pretty.