Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(42)
Author: K.A. Linde

"You told Clark about what happened. You told him everything."

"Lexi."

"How could you do that?"

"Lexi…"

"I’ve been lying to him for months and he confronts you about it one time and you tell him everything. And for what Jack?"

"Lexi please let me…"

"No! For what? What could you possibly gain from telling him? Do you think he’ll spare Kate the knowledge of what we did? Because I don’t."

"Geez Lex, can you give me a minute?"

"A minute? Oh yes, so you can try to explain? No I don’t want your explanations. I already know what happened. You told him, he’s going to tell Kate, and then leave me. All because you told him. I can’t believe this is happening," she said her breath coming out uneven. She could feel the characteristic tingling feeling in her fingers and lips that let her know she was hyperventilating.

"Lexi," he said stepping towards her, mouth hanging agape.

"Don’t touch me," she said pulling away from him. "I can’t believe you."

"Could you just listen to me for one goddamn minute?" he asked finally raising his voice to her.

She stopped her rampage. "Fine, say what you wanna say."

"I didn’t talk to him. I didn’t say anything."

Lexi’s eyes shot up to his face her heart full of hope. Then she shook her head. "How did he know? He said you told him everything. You must have told him Jack."

"I told you I’d never lie to you again. Look at me. Lexi, look at me. Look in my eyes and tell me I’m lying."

Her eyes lifted to him once again. She searched those beautiful blue eyes for some sign that he wasn’t telling the truth. For anything that made him seem like he would tell her boyfriend to spare himself. Anything at all that said he didn’t care about her. But she found nothing there. He looked as sincere as he could get.

But how could she believe him? He could lie his way out of a lie detector test if need be. Perhaps he was just duping her all over again.

"I…I don’t know what to think. Why would Clark say that if it wasn’t true?

Jack’s face had gone pale at the realization of what she had just said. In his earnest desire to let Lexi know he hadn’t breathed word to Clark, he’d completely skipped by the fact that Clark did know which meant one thing: Lexi had told him. Clark had trapped her into admitting all. It was an amazing feat that he’d pulled it off at all, but he knew now. No more hiding.

"He trapped you and you told him everything," he finally said soaking in the information that Clark knew…and Kate would soon follow. "Fuck."

"Oh God, this is so f**ked up," she cried falling to the couch. "He actually didn’t talk to you. The conniving little…" she trailed off. It was useless to be angry at Clark. She should have told him in the first place and it was her fault that he’d had to find out this way. How could she have let this happen? How could she have let this thing with Jack spiral so far out of control?

She was acting just like Jack had while he’d dated Danielle. Only three years ago, she’d screamed at him for doing less with her behind his girlfriends back. Now look at where she was. How had she changed this much over the past couple years? She would never have let herself get into his kind of position with anyone else.

Damn it! Why did Jack do this to her? It was so exhilarating being in his presence that sometimes she felt like she never wanted to leave. After the amazing night they’d shared, she just couldn’t believe they were sitting here like this. Less than twelve hours since that amazing kiss lying wrapped up in his arms and here they were arguing and freaked out about the people they were actually dating finding out. God, they were pathetic.

Beyond that she had no idea what to do she’d come here ready to be angry at Jack for the rest of eternity, and now what? He hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, she’d been the one to spill the beans. If anything Jack should hate her, but the way he was looking at her said a different story. He looked like the same Jack to her maybe just a tad bit paler.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered through her fingers. Her head rested in her hands and small tears trickled down her face collecting in a pool in her palms. She felt the sofa adjust next to her as Jack’s weight shifted the cushion. He slowly brushed her hair back several times pushing a few loose strands behind her ear just like she habitually did.

"We’ll figure it out," he said soothingly.

Lexi sobbed into her hands as he continued to stroke her hair. There was nothing he could do or say that would make her feel better at that moment. She was lost in her own misery.

"Are you going to tell Kate?" Lexi asked finally looking up at him.

His hand stilled at the nape of her neck as their eyes met. "I…uh…I dunno."

"Jack, you know he’s going to tell her about it. He was so angry. If you had seen him, you’d understand what I’m talking about."

"Did he say he was going to tell her?" Jack asked him.

"Uh…well no," Lexi admitted. She had just assumed that Clark would tell Kate everything. If she was in his position, that’s what she would do. Jack had ruined Clark’s life. It seemed only fitting for Clark to return the favor.

"So maybe he won’t tell her," he said wistfully.

Lexi stood swiftly. "So what? You’re just going to go on with your life?" she asked through her tears. "You’re just going to go back to being happy-go-lucky Jack with Kate on his arm? I don’t understand you at all. Even if he doesn’t tell her, she’s sure to find out. She’s not all that bright, but she’s not an idiot. She had to know something was up. Clark did."

"I doubt she would find out," he said looking down.

"What? How could you say that?"

"Look you said it yourself. She’s not as bright as Clark who obviously figured this all out on his own. If he didn’t say anything about telling Kate, then maybe he’s not going to tell her."

"And you’re not going to tell her?"

He met her fierce gaze. "I don’t see why I would."

"Oh…you don’t see why you would."

"God, Lex, you wouldn’t tell Clark if the positions were reversed." She didn’t really want to think about that. She had no idea what she would do if the roles were reversed. "And anyway I would never let Kate have any idea what we were up to."

Lexi gasped. "Are you implying that I set this up for him to find out?"

"I’m not implying anything. Stop putting words in my mouth. All I’m saying is that there’s no way you would tell Clark. You’d have no reason to tell him."

Lexi’s mouth just hung open. Was he serious? He could find no reason to tell his girlfriend that he’d been cheating on her? She sighed heavily. "I don’t know what I would do, because circumstances aren’t reversed, but I’d at least be smart about it."

"Fine. Tell me how to be smart about all this. You think telling Kate is a smart decision? Well you’re wrong. Kate and I have been together for years, and if I told her it would crush her."

"Maybe you should have thought about that," Lexi said.

"You think I didn’t think about that? I f**king thought about it all the time. But you…I don’t even know. Once I remembered what it was like to be with you, I didn’t want to let it all go again." Lexi allowed herself a small smile at his admission. "But I wasn’t ready to get rid of Kate either. And I’m still not ready to get rid of her."

"But you’re ready to get rid of me?"

"No, that’s not what I’m saying. God, I don’t even know what I’m saying. All I know is that I can’t tell Kate just yet. I couldn’t imagine being the one to crush her. She would never be the same."

Lexi shook her head unable to believe everything he was saying. It was just like before except this time she knew about what was happening. She had allowed herself to get into this position for the second time with the same guy.

Not that she had been prepared to let go of Clark, but that seemed to be the obvious course of action. This was something that wouldn’t go unpunished. Clark was the kind of guy who could find a million different girls to be with, and he had chosen her. At the flip of a switch, he could have any other girl, and Lexi knew that when he eventually decided to talk to her again that would be the outcome.

A part of her knew that was coming. It was inevitable that he was going to leave her. That inevitability wasn’t in place for Jack. But even so, she couldn’t even count the number of times she had thought about actually being with Jack in a relationship. She had imagined them together for so long, it was strange to see that for the third time they had screwed up beyond repair. Jack wasn’t leaving Kate. Lexi knew it, but she couldn’t come to grips with that reality. She had always assumed that if things broke apart in their relationships, that they would be together. Not that they would be apart. She had never believed they would be apart.

"Jack, be realistic. She’s going to find out one way or another. If you don’t tell her, then Clark will. Then where will you stand?"

"What do you expect me to do Lexi?" he asked standing forcefully. "Think about it. What would you do in my place? You have this great life with an amazing girlfriend who would do anything for you and you would just throw that all away?"

Lexi had thought about it. She’d thought about being with him all the time. "If your life was so great, then what the f**k is this? What have we been doing since May?" she screamed gesturing between the two of them.

"I don’t know Lexi. God, I don’t know. Give me some time to think about all this."

Lexi’s mouth dropped open. "You need some time to think? I didn’t have any time to think when Clark confronted me."

"Yeah well that’s not my fault! Alright!"

"I just thought we were in this together," she said weakly. Her mind was whirling. Clark was right. It’s not like this actually mattered to Jack. He may not have told Clark about what had happened, but it wasn’t like he was going to leave Kate for her either. He’d set her up in his mind to be the other woman, and that’s where she resided. That’s where she had always resided. She had never come first with him. Even when his relationship was threatened, he couldn’t see past his amazing girlfriend to what was really in front of him.

"Look this is all so sudden, and I just need time to get things straight. I can’t just rush over there right now and tell her what happened. Even if I did that it’s not like we could be together. You still have to straighten things out with Clark. So let’s just put this whole conversation on the brakes. You’re already upset. I don’t want to continue to cause you pain."

Too late.

Lexi felt completely drained as she left Jack’s house. Somehow she managed to get back to her apartment in one piece. She collapsed onto the couch. Glad, at least for the moment, that she had no more tears to shed. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying. Her complexion had drained of color; her lips only a soft pink. The messy ponytail she had forced her hair into that morning had all but fallen out. She realized for the first time that she didn’t even match. She wore purple sweatpants coupled with a ratty orange t-shirt and blue zip-up hoodie. She kicked off her red, black, and white sneakers to reveal one orange and one neon yellow sock. She couldn’t even remember changing.