Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(73)
Author: K.A. Linde

"Yea sure," Chyna agreed helping Lexi to her feet. "Did they give you any trouble?" Chyna asked staring daggers at the concierge.

"No, they were fine. They did exactly as I expected," Lexi replied following Chyna to the elevators.

The two girls took the elevator to the top floor and Chyna let them into her suite. All Lexi wanted to do was to crash out for the next several hours. She was both physically and mentally exhausted. Chyna had other ideas though. She obviously had all the energy from just getting laid that Lexi was lacking. And even though she needed her mandated seven hours of beauty sleep, she didn’t seem ready for that to begin.

"Can you just spit it out so I can go to sleep?" Lexi asked resting her head back against the couch.

Chyna bit down on her bottom lip as she stared uncomfortably at her friend. "What the hell happened to you? You look like a train wreck. You should have seen the way those people were looking at you downstairs. God, you could have been a hooker for all they knew. A hooker wearing amazing clothes but still…"

Lexi rolled her eyes not caring much what others thought about her. "I had a rough night."

"I’ll say. Just look at you."

"Thanks Chy. I got it," she mumbled irritated.

"Then what happened?"

Lexi sighed wavering between a lie and the truth. "Jack and I slept together."

Chyna’s mouth dropped open. "No! When?" Lexi lowered her eyes to the floor. "Tonight?" Chyna squeaked. "How could you?"

"You know the answer to that."

"You said you weren’t going to."

"I hadn’t planned on it. This obviously wasn’t planned," she said gesturing around her.

"But Alexa," Chyna scolded.

"Don’t use that voice with me," she growled. "Things didn’t go exactly as planned anyway." Things definitely did not go as planned. She hadn’t planned on sleeping with him. She hadn’t planned on falling for him…again. She hadn’t planned on her night with Ramsey. She hadn’t planned on any of it.

"Did he hit you?" Chyna asked fear obvious in her voice. "You look like shit."

"What? No! God no," Lexi exclaimed running her hands through her hair. "He just…he was really cold to me afterwards."

"Like how?" Chyna asked concerned. She could tell that her friend was a mess and she was at a loss for how to help her.

"I don’t know. He said this didn’t change things," Lexi attempted to explain.

"What does that mean?" Chyna asked aggravated.

"I think it means he needs more time to decide what he wants which makes sense. It just came out wrong," Lexi said trying to convince herself too.

"I doubt it."

"Chyna," Lexi said warningly.

"No, you listen to yourself. He f**ked you then pretty much told you that you didn’t mean anything to him. How could you think otherwise?"

"He said he still needed time. He told me he wanted to be with me. Chyna, they can’t be together. I have to stop this. He can’t do what he did to me and expect not to have to make a decision," she told her vehemently.

"Alexa just stop. You can’t think like that. You cannot break them up."

"But he wants to be with me. A part of him still wants to be with me."

"You really cannot believe him, can you?" Chyna asked scrunching her perfectly waxed eyebrows together.

"He’s never lied to me before," Lexi said but doubt was in her voice.

"Are you sure?"

"He hasn’t lied to me in six years. Why would he start now?" Lexi asked trying to force a sense of determination.

"I just…don’t know," she said biting her lip and looking away.

"What are you getting at Chyna?" Lexi couldn’t keep the venom out of her voice. She wasn’t some naïve twit. She knew what the consequences of her actions could be.

"Look maybe he never lied directly, but that didn’t mean that he was telling you the whole truth," Chyna told her.

Lexi sighed. She had thought of that. In fact, a part of her wondered if maybe everything he ever said to her had some part of a lie in it. Just because he wasn’t flat out lying to her, didn’t mean it wasn’t a lie regardless. But she couldn’t let herself get caught up on that. He was the same Jack she had always known, and he loved her. No matter how difficult the past week…the past year and a half had been there was a part of him that would always love her. She just needed to harness that affection and make him realize that was what he had always wanted…what he still wanted.

"Did you forget that this was all your idea in the first place," Lexi asked evading Chyna’s last statement.

"Goddamn, chica, I sent you up here to get over the f**king douche bag, not to fall in love with him again."

"Well, I’m not sure I ever stopped loving him."

"You don’t know what you’re saying," Chyna said shaking her head miserably.

"I know perfectly well what I am saying. I know exactly how I feel about Jack."

"You’re acting like a teenager. Pull yourself together. You don’t need this guy to feel loved. There are plenty…"

Lexi interrupted, "Oh don’t feed me there are plenty of other fish in the sea line."

"But there are," Chyna cried. "Have you not seen the way Ramsey looks at you?"

Lexi rolled her eyes, but her heart was aching at the admission. She couldn’t tell Chyna what had happened between them. The news that they had almost slept together would only fuel her passion. And she was stuck with Jack. No matter what he had done or how confused he was. He held her heart, even when it was breaking. "Don’t talk to me about Ramsey."

"Well then don’t act like Jack is the only person who has ever looked at you like you’re a goddess."

"Just because Ramsey feels this way about me doesn’t mean it is reciprocated," Lexi cried back.

"Then explain what happened out on the balcony."

Lexi blushed. If Chyna knew the rest of what had happened, she would never hear the end of it. "That was a mistake."

"It didn’t look like it."

"I slept with Jack right afterwards. What does that tell you?"

"That you are a very confused person!"

"I’m not confused. I know exactly what I want."

"I didn’t want to have to tell you this," Chyna said shaking her head fiercely.

"What?" Lexi asked barely listening to her. All she wanted to do was get this conversation over with and sleep. She had had a very long night and just wanted to get this over with.

"I heard some of Jack’s friends talking about him and Bekah," she trailed off.

"And?"

"There are rumors of them getting married."

"Yeah. Isn’t that why I’m here in the first place?" Lexi asked dumbfounded as to why Chyna was even bringing this up to her again. She was here to convince Bekah that Jack was ready for commitment. Well she certainly hadn’t done that. If anything she had confused him more.

"I know, but I think he’s going to do it."

"What?" Lexi questioned staring at her like she was a Martian.

"The guys were talking about planning a bachelor party," Chyna whispered hating that she had to break the news to her.

"It could have been for any of them," she said but she hardly convinced herself. Doubt had crept into her voice.

"I think they were all married," she murmured.

"No." She shook her head and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ears. Her sleep deprived brain couldn’t process what Chyna was saying. Jack couldn’t be marrying Bekah. He didn’t love her. He didn’t feel for her what he felt with Lexi. There was no way this could be happening. "No. No he’s not," she said the weakness in her voice evident. She felt as if she had been punched in the gut. She was receiving just enough air to keep her upright.

"What did you say? Alexa, you have to believe me. I’m just looking out for you."

"No. I won’t believe it," her voice coming out in a monotone. After all, if it was true, she had no tears left for Jack Howard.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want this to happen to you," Chyna said feeling like the shittiest of shitty friend’s right then.

"This cannot be happening to me."

"I’m sorry sweetie," Chyna said moving to her side. "Do you still want to be with him?"

Even after that admission, even after Lexi’s first realization that Jack might marry someone else, she still wanted him.

"Is Jack really what you want after everything?" She reached out and grasped Lexi’s hand affectionately.

"You don’t understand," Lexi said yanking her hand out of her grasp. "You never understood." The feeling of losing Jack overwhelmed her body. The feeling was so familiar, that it could only be associated with him. Her heart felt as if it were being fed through a shredder, and then played back in reverse.

"How could I understand?" Chyna asked vehemently. "Do you even see yourself? You’re a wreck. You look exactly the same as last time. You’re shutting down and shutting everyone out. You can’t let him do this to you every time he comes back into your life. Can’t you see that this boy has done a number on you that can never be undone, unless you let him go? You have to just let him go."

"How can I let him go?" she asked her breathing coming out shallow. "How can I let him go if he won’t let me?"

"You have to find a way to be strong."

"No, I just can’t be sure. I have to go to him and find out what the truth is."

"You think he’s going to tell you the truth?" Chyna asked dubiously.

"He damn well better!"

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Awesome Reviewers: Cupid’s Psyche, Sure As The Dawn, Karma Bites, and CaliBound

K.A. Linde

FML

And it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now your back

You don’t get to get me back

– Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts"

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Chapter 24: Present

Chyna managed to talk Lexi into getting a few hours of much needed rest. She needed to be of the right state of mind to talk with Jack. And, anyways, he would probably be sleeping at six o’clock in the morning when Lexi was ready to burst into his apartment and confront him. The exhaustion that had crept up on her that whole night suddenly evaporated with the prospect of finally coming to a conclusion about her relationship with Jack. Restless sleep eventually overtook her, but it did very little to stem her anticipation.

The thoughts swirling around in her brain only managed to make her more nervous about her upcoming appointment with disaster. She couldn’t fathom that Jack had lied to her. Sure she had imagined him telling half-truths and even straight keeping things from her, but not flat out lying. They had always been up front about their feelings and how they were going to work…no matter how dysfunctional everything else turned out to be.

When she finally awoke the next day, she found that somehow she had managed to sleep through a good portion of the day. She wasn’t certain how that had happened, but was grateful for the break from her earlier thoughts. Except that left her with only a few brief hours to accomplish everything she needed to get done. She canceled her flight that Jack purchased for her earlier that month reimbursing those funds to his card. With Chyna’s arrival, Lexi decided to leave on the private jet she had come into town on. A flight that would leave that very night. A flight that Lexi was not certain she was ready to get on.