Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(34)
Author: S.C. Stephens

Denny’s job kept sending him on more and more errands that had nothing to do with actual work, from what I could tell. It seemed like he was gone more often than not now. With every task he was sent on, Kiera became more irritable. There was a frost between them that hadn’t been there before, and I found her reaction to his absence interesting. He’d left his dream job for her and she was the one getting pissy about his replacement gig? Considering what she’d done to him with me, you’d think she’d be a little more understanding. But when I came downstairs one night and she was staring out the sliding door to the backyard, face forlorn, eyes close to tears, my heart still ached to comfort her. Even after everything, I still loved her. I probably always would.

As I witnessed Denny and Kiera getting frustrated at each other more often, a part of me was happy to see a small crack in their fairy tale. Another part of me felt guilty, like maybe it was my fault. It wasn’t though. I wasn’t part of that equation.

Several days passed, and nothing got better. Denny was grumpy, Kiera was agitated, and I was angry. My home had become laced with sharp thorns, and everyone was on edge and griping at each other. It was hell. I’d been waiting for things to get easier, but nothing was getting easier. I was hurt, angry, lonely, and fed up. And even though it was childish and immature, I knew it would make me feel better to push Kiera’s buttons, so I did.

After watching Denny storm out of the bar one night, I approached her with my lips curved into a cold smile. Like she was going to try ignoring me, she busied herself with cleaning a table. Nice try. But I wasn’t about to let that happen right now. I needed to release this pent-up pain.

Coming up beside her, I pressed into her side. She couldn’t ignore me if I was well inside her personal space. Being that close to her again ignited something in me, but I converted the feeling into fuel for the fire in my belly. Just like I knew she would, Kiera pulled away and glared up at me.

“Denny leave you again?” I asked. “I could find you another drinking buddy, if you’re…lonely? Maybe Griffin this time?” I cringed at the thought of Griffin touching her but didn’t let it show. All Kiera saw was my wicked smile.

Kiera apparently wasn’t in the mood for me to pick on her. With heat in her voice, she fought back. “I don’t need your crap tonight, Kellan!”

“You don’t seem to be happy with him.” I’d meant to say that in a snarky way that was full of innuendo, but it left my mouth as a serious statement. I dwelled on the truth of it while Kiera responded with a glare. She wasn’t happy with him. She had been happier with me.

Kiera saw right through my words and spoke my thoughts. Face pinched, she snapped, “What? And I’d be happier with you?”

My heart contracted as she hit the nail on the head. Yes, you would be happier with me. If you let yourself love me, as I love you, we could both be truly happy again. And I would make you so happy…I couldn’t say any of that to her though; all I could do was smile.

My grin set her off. Leaning into me, she hissed, “You were the biggest mistake of my life, Kellan. You were right—we’re not friends, never were. I wish you would just go away.”

I felt like she’d just reached into my chest and squeezed my heart until it burst open in her hands. Her words hurt me more than anything I’d ever heard before, and I’d heard some pretty shitty things in my lifetime. This was worse than anything my father had ever said or done to me. It was worse than hearing her have sex with Denny five seconds after me. This…destroyed me.

My smile vanished and I brushed past her to get my stuff and get the hell out of the bar. I was the biggest mistake of her life? She wanted me to go away? Fine. Then that was exactly what I would do. I would pull a Joey and get the hell out of this godforsaken city. This town was suddenly suffocating anyway.

Chapter 12

Mates’ Night Out

I fell asleep staring at that stupid Ramones poster and dreaming about the day Kiera had given it to me. I thought you might like it. When I woke up, I felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks. I was finally clear about what I had to do though. I had to leave. As soon as I had my cup of coffee, I would pack up my car and get the hell out of here. For good. I wish you would go away. Don’t worry, Kiera, I will.

Of course, Kiera came down while I was drinking my coffee and reading the paper. I didn’t look at her, and she didn’t speak to me. She filled up her cup and left. But at the last minute, she tossed an “I’m sorry, Kellan” over her shoulder.

Confusion washed over me. She was sorry she wanted me out of her life, or sorry she’d told me she wanted me out of her life? My anger evaporated as her vague apology washed over me, and nothing I did could bring it back. Now, all I felt was pain. Bone-crushing pain.

I spent the next several days wallowing in depression while I weighed my options. I hardly spoke to anyone, and when I did, everything I had to say was polite and courteous. People noticed my unnatural silence, but I smiled and waved away their concerns.

Finally, one Saturday morning, Denny called me out on my mood. I was leaning against the counter, sipping my coffee, debating my options for tonight. Maybe a distraction was what I needed…a going-away party of sorts, if that was still my plan, and I was pretty sure it was.

When Denny walked into the kitchen, I nodded a greeting. He nodded one back as he grabbed a mug from a cabinet, but he gave me sidelong glances as he pulled it down. Empty mug in hand, he turned to face me. “You all right, mate? You’ve been looking a bit crook lately.”

I faked a casual smile. “Never been better.”

Denny frowned. He’d seen me fake a smile one too many times. Setting his mug down, he crossed his arms over his chest. Clearly, he wanted a real answer from me. “What’s going on with you?”

I shook my head. Most good lies were based on fact, so I ran with what I knew to be true. “I don’t know. I think it’s just…there’s been a lot of tension in the air lately. It’s getting to me.”

Denny sighed and looked up to where Kiera was. “Yeah, things have been different since I got back.” He returned his eyes to me. “It’s my fault. I’ve been miserable, and I’m bringing that misery home with me.” He looked away and I briefly closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at his face. He thought this was his fault? Out of all of us, he had the least amount of blame.

His voice was soft when he continued. “Kiera feels guilty, because I left my job for her and I hate where I am now, but…that’s my fault too. I shouldn’t have accepted the position in Tucson and stranded her here in Seattle. I knew she couldn’t transfer again, not without losing her scholarship, and I knew she couldn’t give that up. She was stuck until she was finished with school, and I knew that…and I didn’t care. I wanted the job, so I took it. And then I waited days to tell her I wasn’t coming back…It’s little wonder she broke it off with me. I was an ass.”

I cringed internally. No, I was the ass. I should have urged her to make amends with you. But instead, I urged her to my bed.

Denny’s frown shifted to a small smile; seeing it was like a punch to the gut. “But that’s all in the past now, and I don’t want to dwell on it anymore. I want things to go back to how they were before, so I have an idea.”

I had to swallow the lump of shame in my throat. “Yeah…what’s your idea?”

His smile was bright and hopeful when he told me his master plan. “We need to all go out together and unwind. Have a little fun for once. Act our age for a change.” He laughed a little. “Or maybe a few years below that.”

I wanted to crawl into a deep, dark hole. I’d rather chop my limbs off than hang out with my roommates right now. But…I was at a breaking point, and I couldn’t stay here anymore. Hanging out with them might be the last time I ever saw them. The more I thought about it, the better it seemed. Yes, it was time for me to go. Staying in Seattle was slowly killing me. The only option left was for me to leave. I would have this one last night with my roommates, where I would try to pretend that everything was like it used to be, and then I would pack up and head out. Greener pastures awaited. Or at least, less painful ones.

“Sounds like fun, Denny. I have a friend playing at the Shack tonight. We could go listen, if you want.”

I gave him a soft smile as he clapped me on the shoulder. “Perfect.”

Kiera entered the room when we were standing like that. She seemed touched that we were talking; I hadn’t done much of that lately. Denny looked over at her when she approached him. “Can you get someone to trade shifts with you? We’re all going out tonight—mates’ night out.”

A small smile tried to form on her lips, but it quickly fell off her. She didn’t want to do this either. “Ohhhh, that’s a great idea, honey. Where are we going?”

Meeting her eye for the first time since she’d told me to go away, I filled her in on the details. She mentioned she could trade shifts with a coworker, and just like that, everything was set in place. We’d all go out together tonight. One happy family.

“Great!” Denny exclaimed, giving her a kiss. I turned away at the display. God, I hated seeing it, hated hearing it. The affection bounced off them like heat waves rising off the concrete in the middle of summer. It made me want to vomit.