Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(38)
Author: S.C. Stephens

My heart softening, I relaxed into my seat. What if we were more alike than I realized? What if she was only with Denny because she didn’t like being alone and she didn’t know any other way? Or what if she loved him, but she felt something for me too? Could I share her with him? Would that be better than nothing, better than being empty and alone? Denny could have the majority of her, but I would get small, tiny fragments…like tonight, when she’d asked me to stay. Could I live with just that much?

I wasn’t sure, but I knew one thing. I couldn’t leave. The pull to her was too strong now. I’d missed my window of opportunity. I was here for good now, to see this through, one way or another. And I knew it would hurt. It would probably be the death of me. But…life was overrated anyway, and a second with her was better than decades on my own. If my life was destined to be a sea of emptiness without her, then I was glad to give it up.

I headed for home through the side streets. I wanted time to think before I got there. I wanted to make sure I could do what I was planning on doing. I couldn’t go back to the angry, painful dance Kiera and I had been engaged in since Denny had returned. No, if I was going to go home and stay with her, then we were going to have a relationship—a mutually agreed-upon one. I needed closeness. I needed to hold her, and I needed to be held by her. If she pushed me out again, this wouldn’t work.

By the time I got back to the house, it was so late, it was almost time to get up. I was giddy when I walked through the front doors. Oddly, I felt completely at peace. Kiera liked me. She wanted me to be here, and so here I was. And we would all be happy and joyous again. So long as no one found out that Kiera and I had feelings for each other.

Denny woke up and ambled downstairs. A smidge of guilt seeped into me, but I pushed it aside. What I had with Kiera was more than I’d ever had in my life with anyone. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t let it go. It didn’t really have anything to do with him anyway.

I made a pot of coffee while Denny prepared himself a mug of tea, and we talked about random things that had nothing to do with what was happening between Kiera and me right underneath his nose. While I was sitting at the table, sipping my coffee, I heard someone running down the stairs. Denny didn’t seem to notice the commotion; he was leaning against the counter, sipping his tea, and watching the TV in the living room.

Knowing that Kiera was about to step into the room any second, I glued my eyes to the entryway leading into the kitchen. Like a goddess descending from heaven, she stepped into a shaft of light as she rounded the corner. Then she stopped and stared at the odd image of Denny and I getting along like nothing had changed.

I wanted to give her a warm smile, maybe even kiss her cheek, but she was staring at me with such shock that a surge of annoyance flashed through me. She’d asked me to stay; why was she now surprised that I had? Had she changed her mind? Was she not even going to give me a chance? I smiled at her as I tried to push back the anger. I’d been holding on to that pain for so long now, but it was time to let it go. It was time to let her in. I needed to relax.

Denny turned to Kiera when he noticed her. “Good morning, sleepy. Feeling any better?”

It took her a second to peel her eyes away from me long enough so that she could answer him. That made my smile grow. At least I had her attention. “Yes, much better,” she told him. I was curious what they were talking about, but then figured faking a sickness had been her excuse to get away from the bar last night.

My eyes followed her as she walked past Denny to sit at the table opposite me. She hadn’t even touched him. Interesting. She studied him though, once she was seated at the table, and her face was somber and full of guilt. It was clear that she was torn, saddened by betraying him and opening herself to me. I hated that she looked that way, and it made a surge of jealousy and guilt flood through me. No…Let it go…This isn’t about Denny.

When she was finished with Denny, she swung her eyes my way and started studying me. She didn’t look happy about what she saw, and her mournful expression shifted to one of anger. Was she angry at me? Why? I hadn’t forced her. In fact, she was the one who had begged me to do it, so if anyone should be feeling anger here, it should be me. Mirroring her expression, I narrowed my eyes as I studied her.

I turned away just as Denny turned to Kiera. Denny caught her sneering at me, and I couldn’t contain my smile. Served her right. She could be a lot of things this morning, but angry with me wasn’t one of them.

“Do you want me to make you anything to eat?” Denny asked her, genuinely concerned that she was still ill. She wasn’t.

“No, that’s all right. I’m really not feeling up to food yet.”

I wanted to move past this awkwardness. I wanted what we’d had back. And I wanted more. She looked so damn good this morning, I was starting to get aroused just watching her. I would love to take her upstairs and put her back into bed. My bed.

“Coffee?” Denny asked her, pointing to the pot beside him.

Kiera’s face paled as she whispered, “No.” I knew she was remembering what I’d been remembering all morning—my hands on her, her hands on me, moans, groans, thrusting into her, feeling her come around me, releasing inside her. Heaven and hell. The smell of coffee was permanently linked with sex now.

Denny set down his mug and walked over to her. My heart started beating harder as he got closer. I knew what he was going to do even before he did it, and it bothered me. Leaning down, Denny tenderly kissed her forehead. I didn’t want to watch, but I couldn’t stop myself, and I struggled to control my emotions. All I wanted to do was growl at him to get away from her, but I had to stay silent. If Denny knew about Kiera and me, his joy wouldn’t be the only thing that would be destroyed. Our friendship would be too.

“All right. Let me know when you do get hungry. I’ll make you whatever you want,” Denny said with a smile before heading to the living room and plopping down in front of the TV. I wanted to sigh in relief that he was gone, but my stomach was in knots. Would Kiera join him, or stay with me?

Surprising me, she stayed at the table. From the way she had her head down though, I thought maybe that was purely out of guilt. Sadly enough, I would take it. I cleared my throat, and Kiera startled like she’d forgotten I was there. That hurt. I looked over at Denny, peacefully oblivious, and that hurt too. I was the worst sort of person. I really didn’t want to hurt him…I just wanted her so much. I loved her, and all I wanted was for her to love me too. Just a little bit. A fraction of her feelings for him…that was all I wanted. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

When I returned my eyes to hers, she was studying me again. She was examining my shirt, like she was picturing me naked. Maybe she was remembering raking her nails down my skin. Maybe she wanted to do it again. I’d certainly let her. Whatever she wanted to give me, no matter how big or how small. My body was reacting to just the thought of her hands on me, and I kind of wished she could see what she was doing to me. That’s how much I want you.

A crooked smile lifted my lips, and now that Denny was out of the room, I finally felt the jealousy and guilt slipping away. It helped to be alone with her. When it was just the two of us together, I let myself imagine for a few moments that we were the only two people concerned. Kiera’s cheeks flushed with color and she looked away from me. She had been thinking about it then. Right now, she was thinking about being with me. She wanted to be with me. And damn…I wanted to take her again…regardless of what that would do to Denny. And if she was thinking about it…maybe she wanted that too.

“A little late for modesty, don’t you think?” I whispered, teasing her. If you let me, I’ll tease you in a different way.

“Have you lost your freaking mind?” she hissed, trying to be quiet but failing. I smiled a little wider. Yes, it’s quite possible I have. Love does that. Calming herself, she asked, “What are you doing here?”

I tilted my head to the side as I played with her. What I wouldn’t give to really play with her. “I live here…remember?” You can have me every night, if you want.

Kiera almost looked like she wanted to slug me. She laced her fingers together though. “No, you were leaving…remember? Big, brooding, dramatic exit…ringing any bells?”

Her tone was so sarcastic, I couldn’t help but laugh. She was so cute when she was irritated. I could calm her down if she’d just go upstairs with me. “Things changed. I was very compellingly asked to stay.” Smiling, I bit my lip. Ask me to stay right now, Kiera. Let’s go in the other room, and I can show you again how much I want to be with you.

She closed her eyes and held her breath. Her face right at that second reminded me of last night, when she’d been overwhelmed with need for me. I could scratch your itch, Kiera. I’m ready. Are you?

“No. No, there are no reasons for you to be here.” She opened her eyes, took in my smile, then glanced behind her at Denny, still oblivious in the other room.

As much fun as playing with her was, I knew I needed to let her know that I was serious. That I was staying, because she’d asked. That I needed her, and I knew she needed me too. She was just too damn stubborn to admit it. Leaning in, I told her, “I was wrong before. Maybe you do want this. It’s worth it to me to stay and find out.” You’re worth everything to me. Everything. If it came down to it, even my friendship with Denny.