Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(90)
Author: S.C. Stephens

Her words warmed and chilled me. It felt so right to be in her arms, and so wrong. Our breaths quickly became heavy with lust, love, and desire. I was hard, aching, and I wanted her so much I almost couldn’t take it. I needed more. Reading my thoughts, Kiera paused in kissing me and ripped off her tank top. A surge ran through my groin, and I struggled with controlling myself. Running my hand across her luscious breasts, I murmured, “What are you doing, Kiera?”

She pressed her chest to mine and kissed my neck in answer. Hating what I was about to say, I tried pouring reasoning-ice on the situation. “Kiera, Denny is right—”

It didn’t work. She cut me off with swift, heartfelt words that were stronger than all the logic in the world. “I love you, and I missed you. Make love to me.”

She pulled off the rest of her clothes. Yes…“Kiera…”

Her hands ran up and down my body, igniting me. She felt so good…Her fingers began pulling on my boxers, wanting the last barrier between us gone. Yes…

“I love you…Make love to me,” she whispered in my ear.

Wishing I could let go of the guilt, I glanced at my door, then back to her face. “Are you sur—”

“I’m sure,” she immediately answered, her lips attacking mine.

Against my will, Denny’s face entered my mind. I’m always here for you. Then I saw his expression shift into one of horror, disgust…betrayal. What have you done? I pulled away from Kiera’s intense kiss. “Wait…I can’t.” My breath was a fast pant, but it was my torn heart that was killing me. I couldn’t betray him when he was just a few yards away, not that the distance of my backstabbing really mattered.

Kiera, adorable as ever, took my objection literally. “Oh…well, I can…” She wrapped her hand around my cock, and I just about came at her touch. What the hell was fate trying to do to me?

“Ah, you’re killing me, Kiera.” Pulling her hand away, I let out an amused laugh. At least her little stunt had replaced some of my guilt with humor. My chest felt a little looser when I clarified my comment. “That’s not what I meant. I can…obviously, but I don’t think we should.”

Her expression both confused and hurt, she said, “But, this afternoon? That was…Didn’t you…? I…Don’t you want me?”

Shocked that she’d take my rejection personally when it was so obvious I wanted her, I immediately responded with “Of course, of course I do.” I looked down at my body, which was hard as a rock in all the right spots, then back up at her. “You should know that.” Her reciprocating smile was beautifully shy. Wanting her to know what it had meant to me, I told her, “This afternoon was the most…I’ve never had anything like that. I didn’t even know it could be like that, which, for me, is saying a lot.” I gave her a sheepish grin, and she smiled wider in return.

“Don’t you want that again?” she asked, stroking my cheek.

My words echoed what was running through my mind and my heart. “More than anything.” On this one point, all of me agreed.

“Then take me,” she murmured, kissing me again.

I groaned as her body pressed against me. Yes…but we shouldn’t do this. “God, Kiera. Why do you make everything so…?” Wonderful. Painful.

Kiera’s answer was more playful than mine. “Hard?” she whispered before averting her eyes. I had to laugh at how like me she was becoming. Her face more serious, she returned her eyes to mine. “I love you, Kellan. I feel like time is slipping away from us. I don’t want to miss a minute.”

That was exactly how I’d been feeling. This could be our last time together, right now, and what would I regret more? Betraying Denny, yet again, or…missing out on making love to her one last time? Put in those terms, the answer was easy. I didn’t want to miss a minute with her either. I didn’t want to regret any moment with her that I’d wasted. She was mine, and as long as she was mine, I wanted to enjoy her. Because in the morning, this could all be over with.

I sighed in defeat, and she smiled in victory. “For the record, this is a really bad idea…” With a soft kiss, I rolled her to her back. “You will be the death of me,” I whispered as she finally removed my shorts.

Our bodies slid together when I was free of my clothing. We clutched at each other’s skin, quietly screaming our passion in fierce squeezes that I was sure were going to leave bruises. Soundlessly, I pushed my way inside her. It was so deliberately controlled that I almost couldn’t breathe. Then we were one, and I had to clamp my mouth over hers to remain quiet. She felt…incredible.

Neither one of us wanted to make noise, so our movements were slow, restrained strokes that amplified every sensation. If I could, I would have cried out her name and begged for more. I would have plunged into her harder and faster, driving us both over the edge instead of teasingly skirting around it. All I could do was clamp her hand tight in mine and lose myself to the overwhelming sensations rippling through my body. The pleasure was indescribable torture.

It went on for an eternity; I was shaking with the need to release. Even though I was maintaining the slowness, I finally felt the build approaching. Kiera’s was approaching too. She started moaning. It was too loud, and I clamped my hand over her mouth. She dropped her head back, tightened her legs around mine, and sank her nails into my shoulders. I could feel her walls clenching around me, and I hit the wall too. I clamped my mouth onto her shoulder as waves and waves of pleasure overtook me. It was so intense…more so, because of our restraint. I never wanted it to stop.

When it inevitably did, Kiera and I stayed close together, side by side. No words passed between us, just soft kisses and gentle strokes. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep with her in my arms this way, but I knew that couldn’t happen. The tick of time was loud in my mind.

“You should go back to your room,” I whispered.

“No,” she said, unflinchingly.

I was heartened by her refusal to leave, but guilt was bearing down on me. We couldn’t be caught like this. I couldn’t do that to Denny. “It’s nearly morning, Kiera.”

She glanced at my clock, startled when she realized the time, then clutched me tighter. Her stubbornness made me smile, but it was time for her to go. I kissed her head. “Wait in bed an hour, then come downstairs and have coffee with me, like we always used to.”

I gave her another soft kiss, then pushed her away. I’d rather be pulling her close, but she needed to go. Denny couldn’t see this. It would kill him. Her clothes were at the end of my bed, almost on the verge of falling off. I handed them to her and she pouted. Shaking my head, I started dressing her. Stubborn woman. When she was dressed, I sat her up, then helped her stand. “Kiera…You have to go…before it’s too late. We got lucky—don’t push it.”

I kissed her nose while she gave me a reluctant sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll see you in an hour then.”

Her eyes scanned my naked body and she sighed again, wistfully this time. Then a strange expression crossed her face as she began to leave. It was a mixture of sadness, confusion, and self-loathing. She knew what we’d done wasn’t right, and she felt just as bad about it as I did. We were on this slippery slope together, trying to keep each other upright, or, more truthfully, dragging each other down.

After she left my room, I sat down on my bed, then lay back on top of my covers. The chill pricked my exposed skin, but I barely noticed because remorse was rising in me like a tidal wave, and that was colder than the air could ever be. We shouldn’t have done that. We shouldn’t be doing any of this. I felt dirty from head to toe, and I didn’t want to feel dirty about Kiera. Not when she made me feel so…alive.

You should tell him, Jenny’s voice whispered to me in the gray gloom of my room. But tell him what? That his relationship was over, or that I had been a small speed bump on his path to happiness? How could I confess my sins to him if I didn’t know what the future held? And if Kiera’s future didn’t hold me, then why tell him at all? Regardless, I needed answers, and Kiera was the only one who had them. Knowing I was about to lose her, because there was no way in hell she would ever pick me over Denny, I got dressed and made my way downstairs.

I made some coffee and watched it fill the pot. Dread filled me just as steadily as the black liquid creeping up the carafe. This was it, the all-or-nothing moment. It felt like hours later when Kiera appeared. She removed a mug full of coffee from my hand; I didn’t even remember pouring one. Wishing I could be the sort of person who was fine with being a backseat lover, I looked over at her. Still in her pajamas, she looked much the same as she had when she’d left my room. Was that the last time she’d ever be in my room?

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I gave her a light kiss and pulled her in for a hug. I don’t want to say this. I don’t want you to go. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” I began. She tensed in my arms while she waited for my statement. “Last night can’t happen again, Kiera.”

She pulled back to look at me, and I saw the fear and confusion on her face. I hated seeing her pain, and I knew I’d be seeing a lot more of it before we were done. “I love you, and you understand what that phrase means to me. I don’t say it…to anyone…ever.”