Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(92)
Author: S.C. Stephens

I stared into my bottle, but I could still hear them smacking. I clenched my beer and forced calmness into my body. This was temporary. I could handle it. I nearly prayed for Kiera to leave the table though, and when she did, I let out a long exhale.

“What’s the matter, mate? Your day not going as well as mine?”

Oh God, how to answer that. With a smile, I took a sip of my beer. “Apparently not. I can’t complain though.” Not to you at any rate.

Griffin snorted. “He’s just sore that I nailed his chick.”

Knowing where Griffin was going with his statement, I pointed my beer bottle at his. “How’s your beer? Taste all right?”

Griffin’s brows drew together in confusion. “Yeah…why?”

He took a long draw. My stomach roiled, and I silently hoped that I had never pissed off Rita. “No reason,” I said with a laugh.

Matt laughed along with me and Griffin shot him a look. “What’s so funny?”

Matt shook his head. “Nothing you’d understand.” Shifting the conversation, Matt asked Denny, “So, anything exciting going on, or just having a good day?”

My stomach churned again, but for an entirely different reason. I was 99 percent sure I didn’t want to hear this. “I got a job offer. A great job offer.” Matt and Evan congratulated him while my stomach clenched so tight, I was sure I was damaging my internal organs. “Thanks. Yeah, I’m excited about it. I thought I’d have to tell them no, because I was sure Kiera wouldn’t want to move that far, but she said she wanted to go.”

I felt like someone had just dropped me down a deep, dark shaft, and I was free-falling, but only for a moment. The ground was rushing up to meet me, and I would die upon impact, I just knew it. “Move…where?” I asked in a whisper.

Denny looked over at Kiera before shifting his eyes to me. “Back home. Australia.” He gave me a small smile. “I’ll be sad to leave here, I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you again, but this is an amazing opportunity for me, for us. This could be the start of something big, you know?” His smile warmed as he looked over at Kiera again.

Yep. I felt like I’d just smacked face-first into the bottom of that endless hole, and I was now a lifeless corpse. DOA. I heard the others telling Denny congratulations and wishing him well. I felt Evan clap me on the shoulder, in sympathy, I assumed, but it was like I was experiencing the moment outside of my body, like I was hovering in the air, looking down at Denny and the guys. External sounds were muffled, and all I could clearly hear was my heavy heartbeat.

She said she’d leave with him? Jesus…she chose him…

“Kellan…Kellan…?”

When it finally registered that Denny was speaking to me, I shook my head to snap myself out of the odd out-of-body feeling I was having. “What? Oh, uh…congratulations, man. That’s…that’s great news. I can see why you’re so…happy.”

Denny searched my face. His dark eyes were brimming with concern. “You okay? You kind of look like you’re going to be sick.”

Yes, I think I am going to be sick. Forcing a smile to my face, I shook my head. “I’ve been fighting something…but I’m okay.”

His brows drew together into a suspicious point. “Oh, sorry to hear that.”

Matt piped up beside him. “So, when you leaving?”

Denny started answering him. I heard the words, “When Kiera’s done with school,” and then I tuned him out. She’s leaving…I looked over to where Kiera was standing beside an empty table. She was staring at me, and for a brief second, I wondered if she could see my turmoil. If she knew that I knew what she’d done today. Not lingering on her long, I pointedly looked over to the back hallway. Meet me there, I need to talk to you. Now.

I didn’t look back at her to see if she’d understood my silent message. Instead, I finished my beer, stood up, and made my way to the bathrooms. Having to pee shouldn’t raise any red flags.

Once I was in the hallway, I darted into the back room and found an OUT OF ORDER sign and some tape. I could talk to Kiera back here in the supply room, but the lock on the door wasn’t working. We’d have more privacy in a broken bathroom, and right now, I needed to be alone with her. I needed answers. She chose him…

Figuring Kiera would be more comfortable in the ladies’ room, I checked to make sure the women’s bathroom was empty, then I taped the sign on the door. After I was done, I leaned against the wall in the space between the two restrooms and waited. When Kiera appeared, a smile broke over me. I couldn’t help the reaction. She was so beautiful, and I’d missed her today. I hadn’t even spoken to her since this morning. Reaching out for her hand, I opened the door to the women’s room with my other.

She pointed at the sign as she walked by. “Did you…?”

I answered her with a smile, but it faded from me once we were in the privacy of the empty bathroom. “Are you going to Australia with Denny?” Please say no.

Her eyes widened. “What? Where did you hear that?”

My stomach dropped. That wasn’t a denial. “Denny…he’s telling everyone, Kiera. What did you tell him?” Did you choose him? Are we over?

Kiera closed her eyes and leaned against the wall, like this was all too much for her. “I’m sorry. He was asking the wrong questions. I just needed time.”

She reopened her eyes, and they looked very apologetic. The hollow in my stomach slowly filled with fire. She hadn’t made a decision yet, but she was stringing Denny along with empty promises. If she didn’t follow through, he was going to be doubly crushed. I could understand being backed into a corner, but she shouldn’t have done that.

“So you told him you would leave the country with him? Kiera, God! Can’t you ever stop and think before you just spit things out!” I pinched my nose, trying to ease the headache I felt coming. She’d just made this so much harder than it needed to be.

“I know it was stupid, but in the moment, it seemed like the right thing to say.” Her voice was small, like she truly did realize her mistake.

Hating all of this, I sarcastically tossed out, “God, Kiera…did you agree to marry him too?” Wouldn’t that just be the topper on the cake?

I waited for her to huff out an “Of course not,” but she didn’t say it. She didn’t say anything. Her silence bounced around the room like the roar of a jet engine. “Did he…did he ask you?”

“I didn’t say yes,” she immediately whispered.

I instantly caught the problem in the way she’d worded that. “But you didn’t say no.” My hand dropped from my face, like all the strength had been sapped from it. The brief fire I’d felt was blown out in a puff of icy wind billowing through my chest. She hadn’t immediately said no…she was thinking about saying yes.

“He never really asked. He just said that when we were there…we could…like, eventually, years from now…” She was clearly at a loss as to how to save me from this pain. She couldn’t.

“Are you…considering it?”

She stepped toward me. “I need time, Kellan.”

Again, her answer was not a denial. She was thinking about it. She was still thinking about a life with him, a future with him, children with him…

My next words slipped out before I could stop them. “Did you sleep with him?”

Kiera looked horrified as she froze in place. “Kellan…don’t ask that.”

I felt an imaginary knife plunging deep and exploding out my back. “Don’t ask” meant “Yes, I did.” Fuck. Me. She slept with him. The rage built inside me so fast, the room began to haze in my vision. I turned away; I couldn’t look at her anymore. “So, until you decide, how exactly does this work? Should Denny and I draw up a schedule?” When I returned my eyes to her, all common sense had fled from me. Only the anger in my stomach kept me standing. “Do I get you during the week, and he gets weekends, or should we just do the week-on, week-off thing?” Wishing I could stop my mouth, I heard myself spit out, “Or how about we all fuck together? Would you prefer that?”

Calmer than I would have been, Kiera walked over and put her hand on my cheek. “Kellan…filter.”

I blinked as the anger in my body dissipated. I’d hoped she wouldn’t sleep with him…but he was her boyfriend, what did I expect? I was the outcast, the usurper, the third wheel. I was the bad guy here, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t put all of my anger on her. I gave her a small, embarrassed smile. “Right…sorry. I’m just…I’m not okay with this, Kiera.” If there is no hope, cut me loose. Please.

A tear fell onto her cheek as she kissed me. “I’m not either, Kellan. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to feel guilty. I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to hurt people. I just don’t know how to choose.”

She doesn’t know which one of us she wants…There’s still hope for us. I stared at her for long seconds as that thought sank into my brain. “Can I plead my case?” I whispered. Grabbing her head, I pulled her in for a deep Choose me kiss.