Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(88)
Author: S.C. Stephens

“I love you.”

The words were so simple, a barely speaking child could learn them, but they were so damn powerful…lives had been destroyed because of them. And their effect on me was immediate. My eyes burned as moisture worked its way to the surface. I shut them and twin tears worked their way down my cheeks. I felt like sobbing, I felt like laughing. Joy and pain spun around within me in an agonizing dance, and I had no idea which emotion was in the lead. She does love me. Someone loves me.

I felt Kiera brush my tears aside. “I love you…so much.”

The honesty in her voice, the sadness, the compassion, the elation…it all made me want to crumple to my knees, wrap my arms around her, and never let her go. How can I leave the only person who has ever admitted they loved me? More tears escaped my eyes as I opened them. “Thank you. You don’t know how much I’ve wanted…How long I’ve waited…”

I could barely speak through the torrent of emotions circulating throughout my body, slicing me open and yet healing me, all at the same time. Kiera didn’t let me finish. She didn’t need an explanation; she knew my inner turmoil, my lifetime of pain. And right now, she wanted me to feel more than the emptiness of my lonely, disconnected existence. She wanted to show me the love she felt for me, and I wanted to let her.

Raising her lips to mine, she stopped my painful revelation with a tender kiss. I cupped her cheek with my other hand, savoring her warmth. Gently pulling on my neck, Kiera urged me to follow her. Our mouths still moving together, I did. She led us into my bedroom and stopped us beside the bed. Without a word, with our lips only momentarily pausing, we undressed. When her body was bare before me—perfectly sculpted, lean, athletic, yet soft and arousing—I pulled back to admire her.

“You are so beautiful,” I whispered, running a hand through her wavy hair.

She didn’t blush with my compliment this time; a warm smile was her only response. Bringing my lips back to hers, I gently eased her onto the bed. I didn’t want to rush this. I wanted to know every curve of her body by heart. I wanted to hear every noise she made when I touched her, and I wanted to understand what each sound meant. I wanted to please her, give her a moment that she would never forget, because this was going to be with me forever.

My fingers moved against her skin as effortlessly as they moved against my guitar. And the sounds that came from her were just as wondrous as that instrument. Even though our bodies were ready, we took our time. Her hands ran along my shoulders, down my back. Mine traced the ridges of her ribs, the curve of her hip. Her mouth placed soft kisses along my jaw line, mine trailed down her neck. By the time my lips wandered down to her breasts, she was arching her back with need. A moan escaped me as I lovingly wrapped my mouth around her nipple. I want this every day.

When I could finally leave her chest, I traveled farther south. Kiera clutched my skin, squeezing, then smoothing, as the anticipation climbed higher. I stretched it out as long as possible, touching every part of her except the one part she really wanted. When I finally did run my tongue over the most sensitive part of her, the cry she let out was glorious. I want her so much.

Then I was gently pushed to my back, and Kiera explored me. She followed my cues, touching, teasing, loving me with gentle strokes. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the sensation of her skin on mine. Nothing felt better than this. My heart and soul were connected to every move she made. And even when her tongue traveled along the deep V of my abdomen, what I felt the most was a bone-deep, life-changing love for her.

When it was clear that another teasing touch from either of us was going to drive us over the edge, I rolled her to her back and moved over the top of her. A part of me wanted to hurry up and plunge inside her, but I didn’t want to rush this either. This might be it for us; I didn’t want it to be over too quickly.

Locking eyes with Kiera, I slowly slid into her. I closed mine as the intensity washed over me. Every millimeter I moved was exquisite. I’d never felt anything so powerful, and for half a second, I worried that I wouldn’t make it long enough to please her.

I didn’t move when we were fully connected. I couldn’t. I needed a minute. Kiera’s fingers brushed my cheek, and her words breezed past my ear. “I love you.”

Opening my eyes, I gazed down at the beautiful, incredible woman beneath me. “I love you so much.”

Clenching her hand, I started to move. Bliss tore through me. “Kiera…I love you,” I whispered.

Her head dropped back as her hips met mine. “I love you…”

We kept the pace slow and unhurried; even still, I could feel the pressure building. I ignored it as best I could and allowed myself to concentrate on her face, her noises, and the feeling bursting inside my chest. The emotion of the moment was dwarfing my rising climax. I never knew love could be like this…

After a long time that felt much too short, Kiera began breathing faster and her muscles started stiffening beneath me. I knew she was close. Slightly picking up my pace, I prepared myself to let go. Let go, and love her. Her hand in mine tightened, and her lips parted as her breath increased. She was so beautiful when she came. I could see the instant she hit her peak, and I released the precarious hold on my control. The burst of euphoria shot through me a second later, and I murmured her name as I rode it out. My name left her lips, and my bliss was twofold. She loves me.

The joy subsided into peaceful happiness, and after removing myself from her, I rolled onto my back. Not wanting us to be too far apart, I pulled her into my chest. She was so warm, so soft, so…wonderful. That entire experience had opened me to something I’d never known before, and I suddenly understood what the term “making love” really meant. Sex was only a small part of sex.

Wishing this moment could last forever, and knowing that wasn’t possible, I held her close and listened to my heart slow down. When Kiera looked up at me, there were shiny tear trails down her cheeks and a sad smile on her lips. I understood her tears; I could feel my own eyes stinging in response. I want to keep this. I don’t want to let you go.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too,” she said with a kiss.

Her words made my heart sizzle with painful joy. Unbidden, thoughts of never seeing her again entered my head. Thoughts of her and Denny entered my head. Thoughts of being alone for the rest of my life entered my head. Was that my destiny? Closing my eyes, I shut out the worries I didn’t want to have right now. Kiera was in my arms, and that was all I wanted to concentrate on.

A tear leaked out when I closed my eyes though, and Kiera spotted it. “What are you thinking about?” she asked, her voice tentative.

“Nothing,” I answered, keeping my eyes closed. I wanted to block out the world. Everything but her in my arms.

Kiera didn’t buy my answer, even though I was being honest. I could feel her inspecting me more closely, so I opened my eyes. “I’m trying to not think about anything. It hurts too much when I think…”

Biting her lip and looking apologetic, Kiera repeated, “I love you.”

I nodded as my doubts became words. “Just not enough…not enough to leave him?”

Kiera closed her eyes while I cringed. Why did I say that? I didn’t mean to make this even harder on her. I just…that was the most amazing thing I’d ever experienced, and I couldn’t imagine giving it up. I couldn’t imagine giving her up. Couldn’t picture how empty my world would be once she was gone.

While Kiera looked like she was struggling to not cry, I ran a hand down her hair. “It’s okay, Kiera. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Kellan, I’m so sorry…”

I put a finger on her lips to stop her from saying what I didn’t want to hear right now. “Not today.” Smiling, I pulled her in for a kiss. “Not today…okay?”

Kiera nodded, and we both put that painful conversation aside. There would be time for that later. Right here, right now, my arms around Kiera were all that mattered.

Breaking apart from my lips, Kiera said, “Do you think…? If we had never, that first time…would the three of us just be close friends?”

Interpreting what she meant, I smiled. “If you and I had never gotten drunk and had sex, would we all be living happily ever after right now?” She nodded while I considered that. Remembering how I felt about her back then, and how she had looked at me, I knew the answer almost immediately. “No…you and I were always more than just friends. One way or another, we would have ended up right here anyway.”

Kiera nodded, then looked down to my chest. I stroked her arm and wondered what she was thinking. “Do you regret it?” I finally asked her. Was she wishing we had somehow never come to pass? That was a painful thought, but I suppose I could understand why she would have it.

She looked up at me. “I regret being horrible to Denny.” I nodded and looked away. I could understand that too. I felt the same. Kiera placed a hand on my cheek and made me look at her. “I don’t regret a single second that I spent with you. No time spent with you is wasted.”

Hearing her repeat my line made me smile. So did her answer. She didn’t regret me, just the circumstances surrounding me, surrounding us. I regretted those too, regretted who we were hurting in our path to each other, but I’d never regret her. She was everything to me.