Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(87)
Author: S.C. Stephens

“We’re in a muscle car, Kellan. I think we’d cream them.” The tires screeched as he made a turn.

“Let’s not find out!” I yelled, irritated.

When he pulled into a stall, he clapped my shoulder. “You’re far too attached to this thing. You need to relax.”

“Thing?” I yanked the car keys from the ignition. “I stay loyal to the ‘things’ I like. I don’t change them out every six months on a whim. If you ask me, you’re far too unattached.”

Evan gave me a strange look. “Yeah…you might be right.”

Shoving the keys back into my jacket, where they belonged, I climbed out of the car and started planning where I wanted to go first. “We need to find a jewelry store.” Evan groaned again.

We searched every jewelry store in the mall, but I couldn’t find what I was looking for. Eventually, Evan and I left the mall and started seeking out stores elsewhere. We were roaming the streets downtown when I finally spotted exactly what I wanted in a display case in a window. “That’s it,” I said, dragging him inside.

“Thank God,” he muttered, looking like we’d been at this for days instead of hours.

The store was about to close, so I quickly found a salesperson. A tall woman, impeccably dressed, with long, straight auburn hair was locking some engagement rings into a case as a happy couple walked away from her. For a moment, as I watched the couple leave, a spike of jealousy flashed through me. The man had his arm around the girl, and she was staring at the new ring on her finger. They were getting their happily ever after, and I was preparing for lifelong misery. It didn’t seem fair, but then again, when was life ever fair? Especially to me.

Pulling my gaze away, I stepped up to the woman at the counter. “Excuse me, I’d like to see something.”

Pausing in locking the case, she looked up at me. Her smile widened as her eyes flicked over my face. “Oh…hello…” Pulling the rack of engagement rings back out, she said, “Are you looking for a ring to give your sweetheart?”

Wistfully, I shook my head. “No…I’m not.” Raising my eyes to hers, I indicated the window with my thumb. “I’d like to see the guitar necklace, please.”

Relocking the rings, she straightened and started heading over to the window. “Ah, yes, that’s a lovely piece, isn’t it?” Opening the display with a key, she glanced at my ring finger, then murmured, “For your…girlfriend?”

I pursed my lips, wondering if that was what Kiera was to me. “No…I don’t know. We’re…complicated.”

With a nod, the saleswoman removed the necklace from the fabric display neckpiece. “Say no more. We see a lot of…complicated situations in here.”

She handed me the necklace, and my fingers were shaking as I took it. The guitar was perfectly crafted, delicate but sturdy, and there was a large circle diamond in the center that sparkled in the lights. It was me, and it was Kiera…the perfect embodiment of what we were, or rather, what we’d never be. I couldn’t think of anything better to give her to help her remember me and what we’d gone through. “I’ll take it,” I whispered, not even looking at the price tag.

“Excellent,” the woman beamed. “I’ll go ring it up for you.”

While she walked away, Evan stepped up to me. “Kellan…you can’t expect her to wear that. It’s too obvious.”

I shook my head as I stared at the glow emanating from the diamond. “I don’t expect her to. I don’t expect anything. But this is what I want to give her.” My eyes were watering when I looked over at him. “This is how I want to say goodbye.”

Evan gave me a sad, understanding nod. Not wanting to start bawling in the middle of a high-end jewelry store, I sniffed back the emotion and walked over to the register. The woman was preparing a fancy velvet-lined box. I probably wouldn’t use it. I didn’t want a fancy presentation, I just wanted Kiera to have it. She pressed a few buttons on her machine, then spouted out a high-four-figure total. Evan started choking and coughing simultaneously. He’d probably never paid that much for jewelry. I hadn’t either, but for this…I’d gladly pay three times as much if I had to.

The saleswoman was checking me out the entire time she boxed up my purchase. After she handed it to me with my receipt, she gave me her business card. “If you ever find yourself not in a complicated relationship…call me.”

She gave me a glorious smile and a playful wink. In another life, I would have taken her up on that offer. Not now though. I handed the card back to her. “I’ll never be out of this relationship. Not really. She has me for life.”

The saleswoman’s smile fell away. “Lucky girl,” she whispered.

My answering smile was faint. Yeah, lucky girl. Except, not all luck was good.

When we left the store, small bag in hand, Evan frowned at me. I frowned back. I figured he would be happy that we were done shopping. With a compassionate voice, he said, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it sucks. Well, I can imagine it sucks. I guess I don’t really know.”

I nodded and looked out over the streets that were starting to empty. “It sucks and it doesn’t suck. It’s horrible and it’s amazing, all at the same time. That’s what makes it so hard.”

He gave me a sympathetic smile. “You’re doing the right thing by walking away. If you do it early enough, Denny may not ever know.”

I studied the ground. The right thing didn’t always feel like the right thing. Sometimes it just felt like shit. “Yeah…” Looking back up at him, I said, “I don’t feel like going to Pete’s tonight. Would you mind practicing the song with me again? Just the two of us. I’ll do Matt’s part, and we can get through it without a bass line.”

Evan’s eyes were contemplative as he studied me. “Sure thing, man. Whatever you need.”

Chapter 28

Making Love

I ended up staying at Evan’s, perfecting my goodbye song for Kiera, until I passed out from exhaustion. Evan was still sleeping when I quietly left his place in the morning. I felt worn from the inside out when I settled into my car, but I felt ready to say goodbye. Some small part of me was still hoping I wouldn’t have to…but I knew that was ridiculous. Why in the hell would she give up her perfect relationship with Denny for a broken hunk of junk like me?

Denny’s car was gone from the driveway when I pulled up. I’d been gone for so long, what day it was escaped me. It must be Friday. Matt would have hunted me down by now if I’d missed our gig at the bar. The house was quiet when I stepped inside. I looked into the living room, then walked into the kitchen. When I didn’t spot her, I figured Kiera was upstairs. Or gone. I hoped she wasn’t gone.

Even though my clothes were clean—I’d washed and dried them, and myself, last night while working on the song with Evan—I wanted to peel them off me. I’d been wearing the same outfit for days. When I reached the top step, I heard a door opening. I looked up in time to see Kiera leaving the bathroom. She looked fresh and clean, with her long brown hair curled and bouncing around her shoulders. Her full lips shone with a rosy tint, and her cheeks were highlighted with a light peach color that hinted at the flush that crept up her skin when she was embarrassed. Everything about her was perfect…except her eyes. There was more brown than green in the wide depths this morning, and they looked as worn as I felt. As her eyes quickly filled with tears, I thought she was suffering from as much restrained pain as me. Was that a good thing, or a bad thing?

With a reassuring smile, I gave her my typical greeting. “Mornin’.” I wondered if she could tell that in my head, I always added the word beautiful after that.

I started walking toward her, but that was too slow for Kiera. She ran to me. Tossing her arms around my neck, she buried her head in my shoulder and started to cry. That wasn’t the reaction I’d been hoping for. I held her tight while she sobbed out, “I thought you left. I thought I’d never see you again.”

Feeling horrible for being gone so long, I rubbed her back. “I’m sorry, Kiera. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I needed…to take care of something.”

She pulled away from me, then smacked me in the chest. Her eyes were fiery as she snapped, “Don’t ever do that again!” Amused at how cute she was when she was angry, I put a hand on her cheek. Her anger faded as she stared at me. In a softer voice, she added, “Don’t leave me like that…”

From the way she said it, it was clear she thought I would leave her one day. She was right, and she was wrong. I would leave her to save her. To save her relationship with the man she deserved to be with, the one she truly wanted, I would back down. But I would say goodbye first. “I wouldn’t, Kiera. I wouldn’t just…disappear.” I won’t leave us unfinished. I’ll give you closure.

As I stroked her cheek, Kiera studied my eyes. I loved it when she looked at me. I could swim for days in her ever-shifting eyes. Out of the blue, Kiera spoke a set of words I’d been waiting a lifetime to hear…