Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(51)
Author: S.C. Stephens

Not liking how he was examining me, I asked, “How long are you gone for?”

A sheepish look passed his face. “Just one night. But it feels like a thousand, you know?”

I smiled, but didn’t say anything. It probably felt that long to him because he didn’t trust her. And he didn’t trust her because of me. Because I was a horrible human being.

He didn’t say anything after that, and silence fell between us. I let it linger, because I didn’t know what to say to him anymore. There was a certain amount of dark humor to the fact that we had nothing to say. You’d think we’d have a lot to talk about now, since we were both in love with the same woman.

Once I was away from Denny and the never-ending guilt of what I was doing to him, I began to get excited about the idea of him being far away again. So much had changed between Kiera and me since the first time he’d gone. I wanted to strengthen our connection, without completely betraying Denny. Impossible as that sounded.

It took me a long time to fall asleep once I finally went to bed. And when I did, only one thing was on my mind. I wanted to fall asleep with Kiera in my arms. I’d never wanted anything so badly.

The next morning, while Kiera and I held hands and sipped our morning coffees, I decided to broach the topic with her. “So, Denny’s gone tonight?”

She was instantly suspicious of what I was about to ask. “Yes…he’s in Portland until tomorrow night. Why?”

I looked down, wondering if she would see my heart on my sleeve; I desperately wanted to be with her tonight. Keeping my gaze on the table, I said, “Stay with me tonight.”

“I stay here with you every night,” she replied.

Amused by the confusion in her voice, I peeked up at her. “No…sleep with me tonight.”

She seemed shocked by my suggestion. “Kellan! That is not going to—”

I had to laugh. Her mind was in the gutter, just as often as mine was. I hadn’t meant it in a sexual way though. “I meant literally…fall asleep with me on my bed.”

Embarrassed by what she’d assumed I meant, she looked away. When she finally returned her gaze to me, she said, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Kellan.”

I gave her a carefree smile. This didn’t have to be a big deal if we didn’t let it. I just wanted to sleep with my arms around her…no harm in that. “Why not? Completely innocent—I won’t even get under the covers.”

Considering it, she raised an eyebrow in question. “Completely dressed too?”

Ecstatic that she was maybe going to say yes, I laughed and stroked her fingers with my thumb. “Sure. If that is what you’d prefer.”

She laughed, then smiled. The way her lips curled up made my heart skip a beat. “It is.” Euphoria burst through me. She was saying yes. My high didn’t diminish at all when she frowned. “You’ll let me know the moment it gets too hard.”

I couldn’t believe that she’d just said something so suggestive. I turned away, trying to be mature and not laugh. The sexual tension between us was so thick that I often walked around a little hard.

“You know what I mean,” she whispered, embarrassment in her voice.

A laugh escaped me as I looked back at her. “Yes, I know what you mean…and yes, I will.” Happiness flooded me as I gazed into her tranquil hazel eyes. “You really are adorable…do you know that?”

With a smile on her lips, she looked away from me. “Okay…we’ll try it,” she told me in a soft voice.

As I beamed at her, a strange sadness washed over her face. I knew she was worried she was making a mistake with me, that she would cross her self-imposed line of restraint and cave in to the lust that swirled around us. I hated seeing the guilt on her; it was a reflection of my own.

I don’t want to hurt him either, Kiera. I care, just as much as you do, which is why nothing will happen tonight. I promise.

Since it was Friday, the D-Bags were playing at Pete’s. Before we began the set, I told Evan we were adding in the song “Until You.” He looked at me funny, then nodded. “Until You” was the sappiest song in our catalog, and Evan was usually the one to request it. In fact, I think he had requested it every time he was swooning over some girl; Matt and Griffin had nicknamed the song “Evan’s Whipped Again.” Evan had written the bulk of it—it was one of the very few D-Bags songs written by anyone other than me—so I guess it made sense that it was his go-to romance song. It was weird for me to ask for it, but I couldn’t help it. Kiera had changed my life, given me something to live for, hope for, and as discreetly as possible, I wanted to let the world know.

I tried not to look at Kiera while I sang it, but I somehow hoped she knew the song was for her. Everything was for her. I spied her talking to Jenny during the song, but I couldn’t tell if she was listening to the lyrics, if she was somehow understanding the hidden meaning behind my words. I love you, and only you.

When we got to the last song of our set, I let the crowd know there wouldn’t be an encore tonight. I had a mattress to lie on and a sexy-as-hell girl to hold. I got the eager crowd’s attention by holding my hand up. “Ladies…and you guys, of course.” I paused for the screams and shouts. “Thank you for coming out tonight. We got one more for you; then we’re baggin’.” I peeked over to where Kiera was watching me. “Plans and all.”

It was hot under the lights, and sweat covered my forehead and dribbled down my cheeks. With the hem of my shirt, I wiped some of the wetness off my face. The fans watching my every move went nuts, and from somewhere in the back of the bar, I heard Rita yell, “Take it off! Woooooo!”

Amused, I grinned at her, then looked over at Kiera standing in front of her. Kiera seemed both embarrassed and intrigued by the thought of me stripping down. Laughing at the idea, I looked around at the guys to see if they had any objections to it. They seemed fine with it; whatever amped up the masses.

Since I was high on life, I decided to give the fans what they were craving. Reaching down, I grabbed the edge of my shirt and pulled it up. The sound in the bar grew deafening as more of my skin was exposed. It made me laugh. When it came to visual stimulus, men and women were more alike than they cared to admit.

Tucking my shirt into the back of my jeans, I turned to Evan. He eyed my half-naked body with an amused raised eyebrow. I shrugged and told him, “Could be worse. I could be in chaps.”

While Evan laughed, I told him the name of our closing song, “All You Want.” I signaled him to go and he immediately started the intro. Facing the front of the stage again, I gripped the microphone and ran a hand through my hair. The fans were in a frenzy. It was chaos, excitement, noise, and adrenaline. It gave me a rush, and I was already buzzing just thinking of my upcoming slumber party.

While I played with the crowd, stretching out to make contact with the ones near the front, I glanced toward the bar. The entire staff was back there watching me…even Kiera. She was boring holes into me, like she couldn’t get enough, and it turned me on to have her hungry eyes staring at me like that.

When the song was over, I took a small bow to thunderous applause. The crowd tonight had been very vocal. Maybe I should be half-naked more often. After I slipped my shirt back on, some of the girls started booing. I shook my head as I laughed. No, in some ways, girls weren’t that far off from boys. Kiera was still watching me at the bar, and I gave her a huge grin. I loved having her eyes glued on me. I loved that we were going to cuddle later…all night long. For once, I wasn’t going to wake up alone. I found that thought exceptionally comforting.

When Kiera’s shift was finally over, I felt giddy. I couldn’t stop smiling. Did love turn everyone into an idiot? Or was that just me? When she was ready to go, I led her out of the bar with my hand on the small of her back. It felt so natural to be touching her that for the moment, I didn’t even care if anyone saw.

Once we were outside, I grabbed Kiera’s fingers and started singing “All You Want” again. I thought she would enjoy hearing me sing it to her, but she frowned. “What?” I asked, perplexed.

She pouted, but I could tell it was a forced expression; she wasn’t really upset. “Didn’t we have a conversation once, about the nature of your singing?”

I laughed and gave her innocent eyes. “What was wrong with that?” Pointing back to the bar, I told her, “I was fully dressed for nearly all of the set.”

She tried to poke me with her elbow, but I scooted away from her. Then, because I was in such a damn good mood, I ran up behind her and picked her up. She squealed in surprise and tried to get away, but I had her tight. When I finally set her down, I kept a firm hold on her. You’re not going anywhere. Not tonight. Tonight…you’re mine.

As we walked toward my car, locked together, I told her, “I did that for Pete.”

She stopped moving and I ran into her back. She turned around to look at me and her eyes were wide with shock. “Oh…OH!”

I had no idea why she looked so startled. I ran through my words, trying to hear what she’d heard, and then it hit me. She’d thought I’d stripped for Pete. Literally.