Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(50)
Author: S.C. Stephens

Grabbing her fingers, I held her hand to my chest. “Better me than you, Kiera.” I couldn’t picture mourning her. I couldn’t picture her being gone. I didn’t even want to. We locked eyes again; hers were a deep, thoughtful green with specks of brown around the edges. I could easily get lost in them. “Thank you…for watching out for me.” I wished I could kiss her. That seemed the only way to truly thank her. But she didn’t want that, and I’d respect her wishes.

Her breath caught, then she averted her eyes and her cheeks flushed with color. “You can put your shirt back on now,” she muttered.

She stared at the ruined remains of my T-shirt after I put it on. Her eyes started to tear up, and I could tell she was thinking about losing me again. Needing her close, I pulled her in for a hug. She squeezed me back, hard, and I inhaled as a sharp pain wrenched my side. Realizing she was hurting me, Kiera eased up. “Sorry. You really should get that looked at.”

Knowing I wouldn’t go see a doctor unless I was bleeding out, I nodded and held her close again. She sighed and relaxed into my arms…and that was when the door opened. “Oops,” Jenny said. “Just checking to see how your patient was doing.”

Kiera quickly moved away from me. The loss of her touch hurt worse than my side. “We were just…he’s fine,” she stammered.

Amused by her flustered response, and also not wanting Jenny to think anything of us holding each other, I laughed and walked into the hallway. Turning back, I said, “Thank you, Kiera,” then I nodded at Jenny. “I should probably get that knife from Griffin now.”

Jenny’s pale eyes looked confused for a moment. “Griffin has it?” I raised an eyebrow in answer. Jenny knew Griffin just as well as I did. If anyone in the bar had nabbed it, it had been him. And Griffin was the type of person who should never be armed. It was safer for all mankind that way. Jenny rolled her eyes, understanding. “Griffin…yeah, you should go get it.”

I looked back at Kiera, masked my longing with a casual laugh, then walked down the hall. I heard Jenny ask Kiera if she was coming, and heard Kiera tell her that she needed a minute. Was that because of me? How upset was she over the thought of forever losing me? Maybe this would change things for her. Or maybe not. Regardless of Kiera’s “think you’ll win” attitude, I couldn’t count on things working out my way. Hope was too painful.

Chapter 17

Sleeping with a Beautiful Woman

A week went by, and Kiera and I got even closer, while Kiera and Denny drifted farther apart. I felt bad about that, I really did, but being with Kiera felt too good to try to stop it. I wanted more of her, not less. And as close as we were, it wasn’t enough.

The passion between us simmered under the surface, slowly boiling away. We dipped into it on occasion, when a touch drifted into an off-limits area or a gaze turned smoldering. We were playing with fire. I was fully aware of that. Our “innocent” flirting was complete and utter bullshit. Nothing we were doing was innocent. Maybe it wasn’t quite so bad as a full-on affair, but it was damn close. We were both emotionally cheating on Denny. Of that, I was certain.

Looking him in the eye was getting harder and harder to do. Sometimes I caught myself staring at him before he left for work, willing him to decide he hated it here and he was moving back home. It tore me that I wanted him to leave. He was a significant part of my childhood, the closest thing I’d ever had to a brother, and all I wanted was for him to leave me and his girlfriend alone together so we could stop sneaking around behind his back. I was one twisted son of a bitch.

“You all right, mate?” he asked me one evening.

Tired, I’d come home from Pete’s early. Kiera was still there working, and Denny was home alone. Usually, if Kiera was at the bar, I tended to stay until her shift was over. But I was the only D-Bag left at the bar, and the multiple yawns coming from me had Jenny asking why I was hanging around. I couldn’t tell her I was staying to watch Kiera work. No, I’d had to leave so Jenny wouldn’t catch on to the fact that Kiera was my entire world.

Throwing on a smile, I walked into the living room and sat in my comfortable chair. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

My heart started beating a bit harder as Denny tilted his head and gave me a penetrating stare. “Well, for starters, it’s only ten o’clock. You’re usually gone a lot later than that.”

I laughed at his statement. “Yeah, I suppose so. I was beat though, so I decided to call it a night.” Unfortunately. I wondered what Kiera was doing right at this moment…

Denny leaned back on the misshapen couch. “Alone? Call me crazy, but I haven’t noticed any sheilas hanging around since we’ve been here. From what I remember of your…activities…that’s kind of strange. You switch sides, mate?”

I raised an eyebrow at his question and he laughed. Shaking my head, I told him, “I’ve just been…keeping things quiet, I guess.”

With an amused smile, Denny told me, “I hope that’s not for our sake. Kiera and I don’t care if you have girls over. It’s your house.”

My smile felt tight to me, but I kept it plastered on my face. I wouldn’t let my expression clue him in to just how wrong he was. Kiera would care. She would care a lot.

Denny went back to watching his TV show. Some cop drama where all the employees were dressed like they were heading out to a fashion show and not a crime scene. I was just thinking of heading upstairs to attempt to drift off to sleep with visions of Kiera in my mind when Denny let out a long sigh. Examining his face, I saw a weary haggardness that hadn’t been there when he’d first arrived. He hated the situation he was currently in, but didn’t know how to change it. I sympathized.

“You okay?” I asked him.

He looked over at me, and for a second his expression was guarded. Then he sighed again, and he looked more tired than I felt. “It’s just work. I’ve been trying to focus on the good parts, but it’s hard to do. I still hate it there, and…I know it’s wrong, but I get mad at Kiera for it sometimes.”

I flinched when he said her name, but worked hard to keep my face neutral. “Well, that’s understandable, I suppose.” I replayed dark looks I’d seen from Denny toward Kiera, arguments behind closed doors. They weren’t outright fighting, but there was still tension in the relationship.

Denny looked back to the TV. “No, it’s not. It’s a dick move. She didn’t ask me to quit my job and come back here. If I’d just given her time, she would have cooled down and we would have worked through it. I just…panicked. I felt like…I felt like I had to come back, or it would be too late…” He glanced back at me. “I’m not sure why I felt that way.”

When he returned his eyes to the TV, I closed mine and swallowed a lump in my throat. He felt that way because of me. Because he had known I would fuck his girl if he left her alone and single with me. That was my dick move. And it was one I constantly kicked myself about.

When Denny sighed again, I opened my eyes. He was luckily staring at the TV still, and hadn’t seen the guilt that had overwhelmed me. “It will all work out,” I told him, hating myself even more. My intention was a good one, but the assurance was an empty one. If they worked out, Kiera and I wouldn’t, and as much as I cared about Denny, I wanted her. More than anything. But Denny and I had a history, and I wanted him to be happier too. “Is there something I can do? Help you find a new job? Maybe stay at someone else’s place…so you and Kiera can have some time alone…” God, I hoped he didn’t take me up on that last one.

A small smile lightened Denny’s expression, but he shook his head. “Unless you know some higher-ups in the advertising world, there’s not much you can do for me, mate.” He paused for a moment, then added, “Thank you, though. It’s nice of you to offer.”

I schooled my expression, but the dagger of guilt in my gut was being twisted with every word he said. He shouldn’t thank me for anything.

With a frown on his face, Denny added, “As for Kiera and me having alone time…maybe that’s a good idea, but I don’t know. She’s busy, I’m busy. Time is against us. I actually have to head out of town again tomorrow. And do you want to hear something really weird? I told Kiera I was going, and she didn’t seem bothered at all. Considering how she acted the last time I left, I think that’s strange.”

My heart surged in my chest. He was leaving? Had my silent prayers been answered? It was almost too much to hope for. To keep up appearances, I frowned and told him a truth wrapped in a lie. “Maybe she feels guilty about what happened last time, so she’s trying to handle it better.” I was certain she did feel guilty about last time, but I wasn’t sure how she felt about him leaving again. Was she as excited as me? We could have quality alone time…maybe we could get away for a while, go somewhere where we didn’t have to hide anything. The possibilities were endless, and my heart started beating with adrenaline instead of fear.

Denny shrugged as he looked me over. “Yeah…maybe.”